Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Why are they bothering?
It's very funny.
Can they not just use some poles.
Sounds like they'll keep going.

Do you have a local Freecycle Facebook group? I'd be ostentatiously offering these sails on there, as unwanted.

Brilliant diagram action, OP - brilliant writing too, making one of the best threads I've seen on here for ages

Classics, surely?

Why are they so desperate for extra privacy in what sounds like a reasonably private area anyway?

I remember a house near my parents' village went all-out on extra screening despite being quite isolated. Turns out they were running a swinging club there.

I'd take a hack saw to the ladder. Just enough that it looks ok, not enough that it bears weight ok. They'll have a mare in a stream at night with a sopping tarp.

Myself and my friend are investing in that Bush with a gun.

Excellent diagram. It has indeed set a standard for future diagrams.

Take them down again. Install motion activated security lights and a recording saying in a computer voice 'INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT. SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED.'

Op I’m crying with laughter over here. Thanks for posting! And I’m very invested, I hope the evening chop goes well.

I think you should cut the tarps into window sized pieces and duct tape them over all of the neighbour’s windows in the middle of the night. If there is any left, use them to encase the garden chairs and furniture (securing them with cable ties). Don’t forget to bury the ladder in the stream on your way back home.

Beat them at their own game. Take the tarp, paint in big white letters STOP TRESPASSING on it and attach the tarp with cable ties to their fence.

Could the shroud possibly be a screen for those movie projector thingys?? They might actually be building an Odeon in your back garden! Watch out for popcorn vendors and over priced sweets next!

i have a 6' concreate statue of the Grim Reaper holding a solar lantern and a baby doll at the bottom of my garden, no one has every hung a sheet on my tree... just saying....

Or maybe they're setting up a driving range.

This is brilliant! Boring fact, you both might indirectly own to the centre of the stream (Google riparian rights) so could you create a river fence to further thwart them?
Definitely like the idea of offering said shrouds on local giveaway sites!

I think we need a picture of that bastard @CitizenofMoronia. Where would one buy such an item? Asking for a friend.

It's getting dark now, hopefully an update will be soon..😂

Just keep cutting it down not in a nasty way. I mean wow another one? How do the tree fairies know I always wanted my own circus tent? Channel your best Dougal Father Ted impression

I like the ring door bell on the tree suggestion. Such fun 😂😂

I agree. And I too am asking for a friend, and for no other reason.

@Dadfromthesea Your diagram is excellent, well done. I vote for the motion sensor activated floodlight deterrent. Maximum wattage.

@Dadfromthesea for the benefit of balance, you aren't partial to a naked yoga routine that could be seen through the trees at night ?

Top diagram. (Quite possibly the best I've ever seen on here). Well done.

I think the screaming spider idea and the hanging-body-in-the-recycled-tarp idea are both excellent.

Or how about taking it down, painting a replica of the Turin shroud on it (it doesn't have to be good, obviously....), and hanging it back up, facing them. Because no one wants to look at a shroud.

Or just paint "Why did you hang this from our trees?" on it in enormous letters.

Keep cutting the shrouds down and if they persist then set them up as a bunch of tents in your garden and have as many people as you can gather lie in wait for them to try and do it again.

Bonus points if you can all applaud and cheer like they're the headliners at your garden festival.

Place marking cos I have to know how this ends 😂

👏 diagram 👏 writing 👏👏 updates.

all you need now is a memorable nickname for people to reference this thread by in 10 years. ‘You remember the ShroudyFuckers?’ they’ll say…