Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
GLORIAGloriarse · 02/09/2023 08:47

Velvian · 02/09/2023 08:38

What happened @Cynicaltheorist ? I'm only reading your posts and no judgement from me. 😅

Was your DP chastened? Did his 'guest' continue the rudeness?

Probably not much. All filed under 'happy to entertain guests' and 'not a hysterical fearful woman'. Serious 'cool girl' vibes.

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 09:21

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2023 08:38

Are they? What checks are done? Workmen may work for themselves rather than a company.

Show quote history

I only use workman from reputable companies or personally known 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thewizardbinbag · 02/09/2023 09:43

GLORIAGloriarse · 02/09/2023 08:47

Probably not much. All filed under 'happy to entertain guests' and 'not a hysterical fearful woman'. Serious 'cool girl' vibes.

Show quote history

Seriously? You’re utterly ridiculous.
“cool girl vibes” because a woman isn’t terrified of a totally innocuous man staying? Someone known through work/club circles so has people in common, everyone knows he is staying there and he isn’t going to do anything. And you’re calling it “cool girl vibes?” Because the OP was terrified of this man?

The hysteria on this site is ridiculous; don’t get a taxi, the driver could be dangerous, don’t walk through a park, you’ll get raped, I saw a woman walking at night and I was terrified for her, do others feel the same? I had to get out of a lift because a man walked in and I was going to be alone with home… all insane threads from this site. And now a perfectly ordinary man staying with a colleague, arranged by mutual friends and the OP is hounded and insulted because she wasn’t afraid of him.

Grow up.

Thewizardbinbag · 02/09/2023 09:44

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 09:21

I only use workman from reputable companies or personally known 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

You know most trade companies don’t do a DBS or disclosure check, right? Those workmen could be anyone. At least be consistent in your ridiculous fear. If you’re scared of men, you should be scared of all workmen, whoever sends them.

Or you could just grow up.

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 02/09/2023 09:44

What happened @Cynicaltheorist? I'm only reading your posts and no judgement from me

Nothing happened to Cynicaltheorist. My partner and I are about to go out kayaking together. He is chastened, I assure you. There were rational logistical reasons why the visitor ended up staying with us. Apologies to those of you who refrained from the scaremongering and insults and could do with more info, but I know you'll understand why I'm not prepared to engage any further with the idiots on here.

Thrilled to be a Cool Girl (the word 'girl' rather gives away the mentality of those using it as an insult, doesn't it?) if it refers to capable, confident women who don't spend their lives cowering and worrying about things that are 99% certain never to happen.

OP posts:
ASDMumof2 · 02/09/2023 10:00

@CrabbiesGingerBeer thanks for updating me - I did see all ops posts but only tge original showed 🤔
No need for rudeness @Nanny0gg

Frankly I think OP was mad to let them in...

ArcaneWireless · 02/09/2023 10:07

Although I too would not be best pleased at someone turning up 5 hours early, it wasn’t really the fault of the guest for actually arriving at your house early but your partner saying it was ok to do just that.

To be cool to the guest thereafter was unnecessary and unfair.

It was said that your partner would probably expect you to make a sandwich. If the guest said they hadn’t eaten, is it possible that your partner suggested this would be the case? It seems odd that someone would ask if there was anything to eat when they could have nipped to a shop en route. Unless of course it was suggested otherwise.

I daresay the guest will be leaving with the impression that you are far from happy to entertain guests.

That to me is a shame as I do think your annoyance was misplaced - but at least you got your partner telt. He is the one who made merry with your time when he knew you were working.

Nanny0gg · 02/09/2023 10:14

ASDMumof2 · 02/09/2023 10:00

@CrabbiesGingerBeer thanks for updating me - I did see all ops posts but only tge original showed 🤔
No need for rudeness @Nanny0gg

Frankly I think OP was mad to let them in...

That wasn't rude...

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/09/2023 10:16

You fuckers have ruined the thread!

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 10:17

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 09:21

I only use workman from reputable companies or personally known 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Why would someone from a "reputable company" be any safer than the man in this scenario though?

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 10:25

FlyingMonkeyNever · 02/09/2023 00:52

Not remotely the same! 😂

Show quote history

Why is it not remotely the same?

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 10:32

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 01:15

What part of “unknown man imposed as guest without woman’s agreement and turning up five hours early when she’s alone” did you not understand?

Show quote history

Not sure that is relevant to my question. I'm not suggesting OP shouldn't be annoyed about the imposition. However, I am wondering how some posters get through life if they have such a huge fear of men they don't know well being in their house as this would mean no tradesmen etc.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2023 10:57

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 09:21

I only use workman from reputable companies or personally known 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

As a tenant, you often don't get to choose.

ImNotWorthy · 02/09/2023 11:03

@Cynicaltheorist
Many thanks for posting again.

Newusernaming · 02/09/2023 11:23

@Cynicaltheorist some posters have a habit of deeailing the thread by projecting and insisting their therories. I had experienced that many years ago about me under a different user name. But there are also those who really want to listen and offer good advice. Hope it all got sorted for you.

Velvian · 02/09/2023 11:28

Thanks for updating @Cynicaltheorist 🙂. Glad to hear that normality has resumed.

MarkWithaC · 02/09/2023 12:35

That's a very huffy and uninformative update.
Disappointing.

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 12:35

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 10:32

Not sure that is relevant to my question. I'm not suggesting OP shouldn't be annoyed about the imposition. However, I am wondering how some posters get through life if they have such a huge fear of men they don't know well being in their house as this would mean no tradesmen etc.

Show quote history

But the thread isn't about that, or them.

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 12:37

Thrilled to be a Cool Girl (the word 'girl' rather gives away the mentality of those using it as an insult, doesn't it?) if it refers to capable, confident women who don't spend their lives cowering and worrying about things that are 99% certain never to happen.

Hate to tell you this, OP, but that's not what it means at all. Far from it. It's not a compliment at all.

And given women here have talked about things that have happened to them, why are you sneering at them?

topnoddy · 02/09/2023 12:41

The thread that never ends !

Blimey give it a rest for gawds sake

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 02/09/2023 12:42

Cynicaltheorist · 02/09/2023 09:44

What happened @Cynicaltheorist? I'm only reading your posts and no judgement from me

Nothing happened to Cynicaltheorist. My partner and I are about to go out kayaking together. He is chastened, I assure you. There were rational logistical reasons why the visitor ended up staying with us. Apologies to those of you who refrained from the scaremongering and insults and could do with more info, but I know you'll understand why I'm not prepared to engage any further with the idiots on here.

Thrilled to be a Cool Girl (the word 'girl' rather gives away the mentality of those using it as an insult, doesn't it?) if it refers to capable, confident women who don't spend their lives cowering and worrying about things that are 99% certain never to happen.

You really do come across as an obnoxious individual.

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 12:45

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 12:35

But the thread isn't about that, or them.

Show quote history

Who are you to decide what is relevant to the thread?

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 12:51

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 08:15

That's not remotely the same situation, though is it? I have always rented and oddly enough that has never involved a workman my landlord or agent barely even knew turning up hours early, making himself at home in the bedroom, refusing to leave and expecting me to feed him.

Show quote history

The landlord or agent may well have "barely known" the workman.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/09/2023 12:51

ElleLeopine · 31/08/2023 14:08

Show him in, and show him the kitchen. Explain that you are still working, and that your partner will be home at x o'clock.
Then carry on.

I wouldn’t be able to think with a random man in my house out of nowhere.

I would be absolutely livid at DP! He could have stalled him to at least let you shower and brace yourself!

FlyingMonkeyNever · 02/09/2023 12:51

And with that last update, Cynicaltheorist and her partner sound as insufferable as each other!

@Cynicaltheorist What exactly did you hope to achieve by creating this thread? Whatever you were expecting, it clearly has not gone your way, right?