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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
CaptainJackSparrow85 · 01/09/2023 16:59

So you’re (quite reasonably) furious with your partner for inviting an unknown man into your house especially when the unknown man arrived 5 hours early and took himself off a lie down in the bedroom against your express wishes. But you’re also furious with posters on Mumsnet for a) agreeing that your partner is a dick and b) suggesting that having an unknown man in your home could pose a risk to you.

I’m not sure what you wanted from this thread.

LikeShitMermaids · 01/09/2023 17:01

@Delatron

The man spoke to OPs partner.
OPs partner then told her that the guest hadn't had any lunch.

Dryona · 01/09/2023 17:01

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 01/09/2023 16:59

So you’re (quite reasonably) furious with your partner for inviting an unknown man into your house especially when the unknown man arrived 5 hours early and took himself off a lie down in the bedroom against your express wishes. But you’re also furious with posters on Mumsnet for a) agreeing that your partner is a dick and b) suggesting that having an unknown man in your home could pose a risk to you.

I’m not sure what you wanted from this thread.

I presumably OP just wanted people to commiserate that her partner was being a thoughtless idiot, and think the anecdote was funny/infuriating, rather than having people hysterically suggest she was about to be murdered by an axe wielding "stranger".

Delatron · 01/09/2023 17:16

LikeShitMermaids · 01/09/2023 17:01

@Delatron

The man spoke to OPs partner.
OPs partner then told her that the guest hadn't had any lunch.

My point was - that was the time to say ‘no he can’t come over now I’m busy’ what did she say to her DP at that point? It’s unclear?

But what an annoying thread. OP seems to just want a rant at her DP which is fair enough. This could all have been avoided.

I am not jumping on the ‘you will be murdered in your own home’ bandwagon. But I’d hate a strange man in my house bothering me for food and disturbing work.
Too right he wouldn’t do that to a man.

LikeShitMermaids · 01/09/2023 17:22

My point was - that was the time to say ‘no he can’t come over now I’m busy’ what did she say to her DP at that point? It’s unclear?

@Delatron Fair point! The correct response to being told that would be "what has that got to do with me?"

FlyingMonkeyNever · 01/09/2023 17:36

Or “That’s a you problem.”

WeirdBarbie · 01/09/2023 17:38

OP this scenario is my actual nightmare. I would have done the exact same. PLEASE come back and update!!!!

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 01/09/2023 17:59

It’s an interesting choice to post on a forum about a situation and then attack everyone who bothered to reply because they voiced their own opinions that you, a stranger to them, happened to not agree with. Why bother to post at all?

Delatron · 01/09/2023 18:15

LikeShitMermaids · 01/09/2023 17:22

My point was - that was the time to say ‘no he can’t come over now I’m busy’ what did she say to her DP at that point? It’s unclear?

@Delatron Fair point! The correct response to being told that would be "what has that got to do with me?"

Edited

Ha me too!

ASDMumof2 · 01/09/2023 18:27

WTF!

Def leave hus bag and get him to go to a local cafe. Say I'm working you can't be here - work confidentiality policy.

Your DH is a wuss. You don't know thus person, they could be a murderer or worse.

Namechangedididittoo · 01/09/2023 18:31

Not read the full thread
I like you would have been fuming but not frightened. I hope you tell your partner how unacceptable they both were

nettie434 · 01/09/2023 18:42

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 01/09/2023 17:59

It’s an interesting choice to post on a forum about a situation and then attack everyone who bothered to reply because they voiced their own opinions that you, a stranger to them, happened to not agree with. Why bother to post at all?

I guess the OP just wanted to vent and then maybe regretted posting. I am pretending I am above wanting to know what happened which is totally untrue.

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/09/2023 18:48

Thats a shame - I was hoping for an update on idiot husband and rude guest. I too cannot stand this 'every man on the planet wants to murder and rape, best lock yourselves away and cower in fear' attitude some seem to have, it is infuriating, but if everyone with a more normal outlook on life buggers off... this just becomes an echo-chamber for the paranoid and the scaremongers!

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2023 18:49

People were responding to the op. At no stage was it made clear this was an unknown work colleague. He was portrayed as a random, who came from a distance away to attend an event. His behaviour was described as a chaotic and increasingly infuriating.

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2023 18:51

Bumcake · 01/09/2023 14:47

Reading between the lines, sounds like a threesome.

OFGS!

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2023 18:52

ASDMumof2 · 01/09/2023 18:27

WTF!

Def leave hus bag and get him to go to a local cafe. Say I'm working you can't be here - work confidentiality policy.

Your DH is a wuss. You don't know thus person, they could be a murderer or worse.

Oh do keep up!

QueenCamilla · 01/09/2023 19:01

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2023 16:35

It’s not people op. It’s women. Some of these women you’re nearly as furious with will have been through harrowing experiences with unknown men. I wouldn’t invite an unknown male into my home (eg workman) unless they were known to me or had been recommended to me. That’s about keeping myself safe and has nothing to do with being welcoming of guests.

Exactly.
I was sexually assaulted by a gas company meter-reader (so being on a job doesn't exactly put disgusting men off from committing crime).
I had a stranger-stalker whom I opened my doors to, not knowing that the visits were not random.
And the latest - a tradesman who was somewhat over-familiar during his short 15mins of meeting me, turned up knocking on my doors as silently as he could at 2am one night. And he waited, and waited... And then put a cheery note through when I didn't answer. That last one is absolutely chilling to anyone who has any smarts!

It's not a world for the naive we live in, and in OP's shoes I'd rather stop that WELCOME sign on forehead from flashing.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/09/2023 19:09

MarshyMcMarshFace · 31/08/2023 14:16

Oh, sorry, I missed that your DH is out til 7.

Be breezy with bloke, let him drop his bag, then point him towards town / pub / whatever and say ‘sorry, DH not back til 7, I am not able to make the house available h til then because of work events… see you at 7’

It’s fine to do that.

Is it fine. Her DP told the guy he could come now so it's not his fault is it?
Very rude to chuck him out.

QueenCamilla · 01/09/2023 19:10

And I wouldn't be "frightened" (as some like to mock and exaggerate) in OP's situation. I would be pissed off at the lack of consideration, including that of my safety and comfort. I do want those things to be considered before anyone invites a stranger into my space.

ASDMumof2 · 01/09/2023 19:13

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2023 18:52

Oh do keep up!

Show quote history

@Nanny0gg wtf does that mean? I saw OPs post read a few responses. What did I miss your majesty?

saraclara · 01/09/2023 19:19

Cynicaltheorist · 01/09/2023 14:35

Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something.

That's a bit disappointing for those of us who are normal, sensible people.

I feel a bit like one of the good kids when teacher keeps the whole class in at playtime because some other kids have been naughty.

Atsocta · 01/09/2023 19:27

seems a bit much to me, be out 👍

ImTheBakerLiteGirl · 01/09/2023 19:28

Cynicaltheorist · 01/09/2023 14:35

Your partner is a gullible fool to have a stranger stay in your home.

I thought I might come back to update and respond to some of the more reasonable comments and questions, but instead I'm going to start looking for a more adult forum full of people who don't assume that every stranger is out to murder them, read every annoying thing a partner does as grounds for leaving the bastard and do answer their doorbells. The paranoia here is quite something.

What replies are you reading@Cynicaltheorist ???

I haven't seen replies like that since yesterday.

How convenient that you now have a reason not to update. THOSE are the replies I am seeing, ones asking you to update!

Atsocta · 01/09/2023 19:29

saraclara · 01/09/2023 19:19

That's a bit disappointing for those of us who are normal, sensible people.

I feel a bit like one of the good kids when teacher keeps the whole class in at playtime because some other kids have been naughty.

Show quote history

Same 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeahno · 01/09/2023 19:34

Good luck finding that place where everyone says exactly what you want to hear. Imagine asking for opinions on a public forum and being upset that everyone does not think like you.