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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
Delatron · 02/09/2023 15:04

scoobysnaxx · 02/09/2023 15:02

This thread is absolutely mad. I've just read it. Bonkers.

You initially had my sympathy OP.

All of that's gone now.

PP was right. You do sound as insufferable as your husband. Reek of internalised misogyny.

It's MAD to think you'd criticise women for not being okay with letting strange men into their home that neither they or their husband know, alone. What the fuck?

And the venom with which you said it. You're almost as mad with the women who commented about safety etc. Why the hell would this aggravate you the way it did? What's that about? I think you need to have a think about what triggers you 😂

And don't you dare insult women for being smart and careful and not letting strange men into their homes alone (Yes he is a strange man. A work colleague neither you or your husband has met is indeed, a strange man).

Don't you dare equate being smart and realistic and sensible with being weak and a victim of scaremongering. How utterly INSANE!

What is toxic and dangerous is your attitude. You've basically said that any women who doesn't have the confidence or will to put themselves willingly in a potentially risky scenario is weak.

That is truly insane I am speechless.

You did what you did so you got what you got. Don't let strangers who take the piss in your home then! 😂

Great post!

FlyingMonkeyNever · 02/09/2023 15:57

I’ve coincidently just come across a post from OP on another thread, and I’m guessing OP is in her 60’s.

WeirdBarbie · 02/09/2023 16:08

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 02/09/2023 14:09

Definition of cool girl:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cool%20Girl

Basically doormat who will do whatever it takes to please a man and who is happy to slag off other women (see also ‘not like other girls’). They are generally called ‘girls’ because most adult women realise that sort of behaviour is fairly pathetic.

It’s absolutely not a compliment.

Yeah, pretty obvious from her comment she knew that and was being sarcastic.

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 16:10

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 10:17

Why would someone from a "reputable company" be any safer than the man in this scenario though?

Show quote history

Because there reliable for example British Gas BT their regular employees

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2023 16:21

Delatron · 02/09/2023 15:03

I didn’t say the ones insisting on an update were trying to help.

I think people share experiences to try to help. You may think they have other motives but I think they were genuinely saying ‘this happened to me so be careful’. It’s not cowering in fear to say ‘hang on I’d rather not have a strange man in my house with me for 5 hours’ It’s protecting boundaries and about feeling comfortable in your own space.

I don’t think the OP directed her anger at the right people..

Show quote history

The anger should have been directed at the men. Female socialisation can mean husbands / partners being left to dictate terms and men in general agreeing that other men trashing women’s boundaries is acceptable.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 02/09/2023 16:26

WeirdBarbie · 02/09/2023 16:08

Yeah, pretty obvious from her comment she knew that and was being sarcastic.

Show quote history

Which is ironic because she pretty much fits the description of ‘cool girl’ or ‘not like other girls’ behaviour to a T.

How anyone who lets her boundaries be shattered multiple times the way she did could possibly think she’d meet the criteria for a forum of “strong” women that she suggests should be created is frankly beyond me. Such a hypothetical forum would never let an obvious doormat like the OP sign up!

I note I don’t agree that Mumsnet isn’t a forum of strong women anyway, particularly based on a ‘not all men’ argument like the one the OP is making. It’s not ‘strong’ to ignore obvious risks, it’s stupid.

Is it fair that women have to consider whether each man is a threat? Of course not, but it’s unfortunately necessary.

VibrantThingie · 02/09/2023 16:26

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2023 16:21

The anger should have been directed at the men. Female socialisation can mean husbands / partners being left to dictate terms and men in general agreeing that other men trashing women’s boundaries is acceptable.

Show quote history

The anger at us is internalised and externalised misogyny.

Can anyone here recommend a good reading list?

Perhaps OP would benefit more from info.

It’s not really beneficial to her to allow her to project her anger at us.

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 16:29

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 16:10

Because there reliable for example British Gas BT their regular employees

Show quote history

I asked why they would be safer not why they would be reliable.

VibrantThingie · 02/09/2023 16:32

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 02/09/2023 16:26

Which is ironic because she pretty much fits the description of ‘cool girl’ or ‘not like other girls’ behaviour to a T.

How anyone who lets her boundaries be shattered multiple times the way she did could possibly think she’d meet the criteria for a forum of “strong” women that she suggests should be created is frankly beyond me. Such a hypothetical forum would never let an obvious doormat like the OP sign up!

I note I don’t agree that Mumsnet isn’t a forum of strong women anyway, particularly based on a ‘not all men’ argument like the one the OP is making. It’s not ‘strong’ to ignore obvious risks, it’s stupid.

Is it fair that women have to consider whether each man is a threat? Of course not, but it’s unfortunately necessary.

Edited
Show quote history

Such thinking is why women of that generation may have been victims of assault on multiple occasions, never speaking of it… being strong is soldiering on and doing the same things again and again… they were opening the steam valves by passing on the misogyny, this thread being exhibit A. Sometimes even with their own children. Attacking people like us wouldn’t even be given a second thought.

People like this need therapy, and lots of it.

LylaLee · 02/09/2023 16:42

VibrantThingie · 02/09/2023 16:32

Such thinking is why women of that generation may have been victims of assault on multiple occasions, never speaking of it… being strong is soldiering on and doing the same things again and again… they were opening the steam valves by passing on the misogyny, this thread being exhibit A. Sometimes even with their own children. Attacking people like us wouldn’t even be given a second thought.

People like this need therapy, and lots of it.

Show quote history

Exactly. Not allowed to give the two men who yanked her around the full volcano treatment. So she releases her valves on women who are warning OP, saying, "you're actually in quite a dangerous situation."

Will it be rape/assault every time? No. Of course not.

But if I gave you a box of doughnuts and told you, "sorry the dog licked one, not sure which." You would not touch a single doughnut.

But if you're told, if you do this thing, (which benefits you in no way) there's a chance you might be leered at, touched inappropriately, or worse, and OP's like, "sounds good to me!"

cherrycokehater · 02/09/2023 17:10

You sound like hard work OP. If you're such a strong and assertive woman I don't know why you even bothered to post. Could you not have just gone ahead and handled this small issue yourself?!

SurprisedWithAHorse · 02/09/2023 17:48

Cynicaltheorist · 02/09/2023 13:31

I'm pierced to the core and penitent.

No, I'm not, obviously. So many of the responses on here sound as if they've come direct from the 1950s. What the hell happened to Mumsnet and the legions of tough, strong, clever, stoic and independent-minded women who used to be here? I need to be where they are so I can have a good old grumble and a discussion about sex-based inequality without all the victimy, ooh-you-need-to-be-careful brigade. Is there a new forum where those of us with a bit more gumption than a doormat gather?

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Some people have migrated to Tattle but it's not for everyone. It's absolutely merciless to public figures but very nice and supportive to other posters. It doesn't have the relentless obsession with class either, but it is mostly devoted to well known people rather than sharing real life stuff.

Depends on what you want.

offyoufuckcuntychops · 02/09/2023 17:49

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 16:10

Because there reliable for example British Gas BT their regular employees

Show quote history

1 British Gas are not reliable, and neither are BT

2 What a mangling of the English language. In both cases, you need "they're" (and even then, it's a mangled sentence).

3 People on this thread are crazy.

HTH.

Greenpolkadot · 02/09/2023 18:04

A very disappointing end to a thread.
A great waste of time reading it all really

CrazyArmadilloLady · 02/09/2023 18:59

There is no update to the thread because after random stranger got food, he got back to the house for 3pm and the OP let him in.

Once her DP got home at 7, she made both of them dinner.

Doormat extraordinaire, obviously.

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 19:18

CrazyArmadilloLady · 02/09/2023 18:59

There is no update to the thread because after random stranger got food, he got back to the house for 3pm and the OP let him in.

Once her DP got home at 7, she made both of them dinner.

Doormat extraordinaire, obviously.

OP has updated.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 02/09/2023 19:24

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 19:18

OP has updated.

Show quote history

To say she and her partner went out kayaking?

That doesn’t tell us anything about what happened with the ‘guest’.

Clearly OP rolled over and did what was expected of her.

ImTheBakerLiteGirl · 02/09/2023 19:32

Is there a new forum where those of us with a bit more gumption than a doormat gather?

Not up to your standards I fear. So make one yourself!

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 19:44

CrazyArmadilloLady · 02/09/2023 19:24

To say she and her partner went out kayaking?

That doesn’t tell us anything about what happened with the ‘guest’.

Clearly OP rolled over and did what was expected of her.

Show quote history

She updated to say she didn't make him lunch. She obviously wasn't going to tell him to leave so presumably he hung around until her DP got home. What else do you need to know?

LylaLee · 02/09/2023 19:57

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 19:44

She updated to say she didn't make him lunch. She obviously wasn't going to tell him to leave so presumably he hung around until her DP got home. What else do you need to know?

Show quote history

The question is was there any pushback about the 5 hr thing?

Any apology from her partner and the guy?

What did her partner say when she told him the guy refused to leave the house when asked?

Did they take her out to dinner to apologize for the inconvenience?

Or did she just cook dinner for everyone and smile?

CliantheLang · 02/09/2023 20:02

LylaLee · 02/09/2023 19:57

The question is was there any pushback about the 5 hr thing?

Any apology from her partner and the guy?

What did her partner say when she told him the guy refused to leave the house when asked?

Did they take her out to dinner to apologize for the inconvenience?

Or did she just cook dinner for everyone and smile?

Show quote history

Let's face it, there are plenty of women who will do anything for male approval. Like Alfie Steele's mother.

She didn't think men could be dangerous, either.

Clymene · 02/09/2023 20:07

We will never know @LylaLee

I hope they've all had a lovely day kayaking and the OP didn't end up making them lunch because her partner told her to

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 02/09/2023 20:15

OP stop attention seeking 😂😂 posting a thread where women will OBVIOUSLY question the safety of a strange man in your home and then being all like IM NOT SCARED #fuckyouguys. We get it, you’re super tough and cool. 😂😂

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 03/09/2023 07:57

Why couldn’t he stay in a local hotel or b&b? Surely that would be better for him as he must feel embarrassed putting on you like this….