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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
Delatron · 01/09/2023 19:43

I don’t think you are going to get murdered. But posters are only sharing their stories out of concern…

Not a reason to not update after many people have taken the time to sympathise and advise.

VeraMay · 01/09/2023 19:55

This brings back events in my life. Going on holiday to Norway with family, 2 adults, 3 children plus oldest DD's friend. Need top box on car as self catering and cold weather so outdoor clothes and extra woolies needed. 2 days before departure I get told " by the way, I invited 'Fred' to come. Packing an extra large adult (read that as you will) plus extra baggage and putting back the seat I had already taken out in readiness was not my idea of fun. Cramped journey, atmosphere, children unhappy, me steaming mad. Add to that oldest DD and friend and 2 young DD's had to share beds because 'Fred' took the other bedroom, of course. All because a selfish oick wanted to bring a friend. Just as well I didn't bring a friend too, would have had to pack a child in the top box..... Needless to say, after the next holiday, when a couple of days before going, it was announced that 'Albert' was coming too, I did finally ditch the dodo. I am now happily married to a wonderful, thoughtful, kind DH, who would never invite anyone without consulting me first.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/09/2023 20:25

ASDMumof2 · 01/09/2023 19:13

@Nanny0gg wtf does that mean? I saw OPs post read a few responses. What did I miss your majesty?

Show quote history

Why are you giving advice based on an OP when it’s a long thread that’s moved on?

The OP has well and truly already let him in.

Haugh · 01/09/2023 20:44

Carry on with your work. Show him the kitchen to make a sandwich and cuppa. It’s not not not his fault , the blame is firmly with your partner. Just chill it will be fine.

ImNotWorthy · 01/09/2023 20:49

Sorry this happened, OP. I was hoping to find out what happened, partly out of a feeling of solidarity. But it's your thread, of course BrewBrew

Maireas · 01/09/2023 21:06

Haugh · 01/09/2023 20:44

Carry on with your work. Show him the kitchen to make a sandwich and cuppa. It’s not not not his fault , the blame is firmly with your partner. Just chill it will be fine.

To be fair, between 2pm yesterday and now, he's probably had something to eat.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 01/09/2023 21:08

ASDMumof2 · 01/09/2023 19:13

@Nanny0gg wtf does that mean? I saw OPs post read a few responses. What did I miss your majesty?

Show quote history

Not @Nanny0gg but you seem to have missed all of the OP’s other posts which demonstrate the time for that advice is long past since she’s:

  1. Let him in (yesterday)
  2. Dealt with yet more CF behaviour (refusing to leave the house when requested, crashing an online meeting demanding the OP make him food)
  3. Asked that people stop with the ‘he might be a murderer’ posts

If you click ‘see all’ on the OP’s first post it will show all the OPs posts in a thread.

JubileeQueen123 · 01/09/2023 22:04

This made me smile. It’s the kind of thing I’d do. You are being kind and offering him a place to stay. Why would he care if you had done the dishes or had a shower?
id just let him in, say ‘hi, i’m wfh so I’ll be getting on with that. Here is where I keep the teabags and milk. DH is back at 7pm or whatever time. There’s a pub down the road if your peckish’

JubileeQueen123 · 01/09/2023 22:06

JubileeQueen123 · 01/09/2023 22:04

This made me smile. It’s the kind of thing I’d do. You are being kind and offering him a place to stay. Why would he care if you had done the dishes or had a shower?
id just let him in, say ‘hi, i’m wfh so I’ll be getting on with that. Here is where I keep the teabags and milk. DH is back at 7pm or whatever time. There’s a pub down the road if your peckish’

Lol - just realised I missed the party 🤣

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 01/09/2023 22:25

Any update yet......now I am in my 50's I and peri-menopause I would probably not have answered the door but if I did would have said ok I will take your bag but you will have to wait until partner home as not having a stranger in my house alone so off you go for something to eat or whatever and see you later. When I was younger did not stand up for myself but now I do, think some of the softer emotions disappear in menopause. Great thread but want to know did op have a good night out and has she had to sit across the breakfast table with the freeloading scrounger...

Catsmere · 01/09/2023 22:46

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 01/09/2023 22:25

Any update yet......now I am in my 50's I and peri-menopause I would probably not have answered the door but if I did would have said ok I will take your bag but you will have to wait until partner home as not having a stranger in my house alone so off you go for something to eat or whatever and see you later. When I was younger did not stand up for myself but now I do, think some of the softer emotions disappear in menopause. Great thread but want to know did op have a good night out and has she had to sit across the breakfast table with the freeloading scrounger...

Nah, OP's done a flounce. She cracked the shits and basically said all the posters who responded with concern (including their own experiences of assault in such situations) are a lot of hysterical women.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 01/09/2023 23:18

Thanks Catsmere. Wouldn't trust any man now as older and wiser but have my son here and he is a big lad and my lovely dog who would look after me and I can also do a good arm lock choke as my son teaching me mma moves ha!! Annoying when people do a thread and never hear what happened after spending time.

Catsmere · 01/09/2023 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 00:29

Do the people who never let a stranger in the house never need a plumber, electrician or anyone else to do any work? Do you never get taxis anywhere?

FlyingMonkeyNever · 02/09/2023 00:52

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 00:29

Do the people who never let a stranger in the house never need a plumber, electrician or anyone else to do any work? Do you never get taxis anywhere?

Not remotely the same! 😂

Toomanylaughs · 02/09/2023 00:59

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 00:29

Do the people who never let a stranger in the house never need a plumber, electrician or anyone else to do any work? Do you never get taxis anywhere?

If you have a leak or need something done around the house etc what choice do you have? And nowadays thankfully with google etc most people do check online reviews and letting someone come in, in a professional capacity is a bit different from letting in a stranger who has no real need to be in your house …but even then it still is a consideration many have who live alone, I moved into a new flat last year and I was nervous about getting someone stuff but the handyman I found online has been brilliant and I’ve used him for everything I’ve needed to get done in the house so far. He does furniture assembly, tiling etc.

I’ll be a bit gutted if I have to use a new one one day because not only is this guy great but I’m feel fairly comfortable around him now.

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 01:15

WomblingTree86 · 02/09/2023 00:29

Do the people who never let a stranger in the house never need a plumber, electrician or anyone else to do any work? Do you never get taxis anywhere?

What part of “unknown man imposed as guest without woman’s agreement and turning up five hours early when she’s alone” did you not understand?

JournalistEmily · 02/09/2023 05:57

Oh come on, you’ll survive

Guardami · 02/09/2023 07:31

Very dangerous! Do not be on your own with a stranger for 5 mins let alone 5 hours! x

CherryMaDeara · 02/09/2023 07:42

JournalistEmily · 02/09/2023 05:57

Oh come on, you’ll survive

Oh come on, RTFT.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2023 08:10

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 01:15

What part of “unknown man imposed as guest without woman’s agreement and turning up five hours early when she’s alone” did you not understand?

Show quote history

If you're renting, people coming to work on the house are also 'imposed' on you.

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 08:15

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2023 08:10

If you're renting, people coming to work on the house are also 'imposed' on you.

Show quote history

That's not remotely the same situation, though is it? I have always rented and oddly enough that has never involved a workman my landlord or agent barely even knew turning up hours early, making himself at home in the bedroom, refusing to leave and expecting me to feed him.

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 08:36

But These workman are checked and sent by a company …

Velvian · 02/09/2023 08:38

What happened @Cynicaltheorist ? I'm only reading your posts and no judgement from me. 😅

Was your DP chastened? Did his 'guest' continue the rudeness?

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2023 08:38

Atsocta · 02/09/2023 08:36

But These workman are checked and sent by a company …

Are they? What checks are done? Workmen may work for themselves rather than a company.