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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 31/08/2023 14:15

I’d honestly have gone out of you could with laptop and worked from somewhere else and have been unavailable on my phone to my partner. As for the breakfast stuff - I’d be in fuck it mood as cf can take it as he finds it after cadging a stay and turning up 5 hours early.

id read the riot act to my partner. This behaviour would make me feel uncomfortable in my own home with unknown men in my ‘safe’ environment. I certainly wouldn’t be having him in there hours before my partner was available for my safety. At my house there is no lock on thE upstairs bathroom door so I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to have a shower let alone getting changed in my room if I could hear him moving about in the guest room.

as for food - I’d tell him where the nearest cafe is. He can use google to find it.

good luck and squishes @Cynicaltheorist

greengreengrass25 · 31/08/2023 14:15

Unbelievable

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 31/08/2023 14:15

I would not answer the door. I'd message my partner back telling them that this chap cannot come until they get home to host them themselves.

And unless I'd previously agreed to take on the hosting (which isn't necessarily unreasonable in a partnership and is something I'd do for my DH) I'd be going out for the evening and leaving them to it

sodthesodoff · 31/08/2023 14:16

Why are you pissed at him? It's your partners fault.

You even say you had to insist he not arrive till after 7pm. Because him arriving earlier was their original plan

What's the betting they never intended for him to arrive later at all. He wanted to arrive early. Your partner was fine with that.

He wants to make him lunch? Fine. He can come home and sort it out.

I'd tell your partner you're not opening the door to any strangers. If he wants to come and sort it out that's up to him.

YouveGotAFastCar · 31/08/2023 14:16

Get partner to phone/message now and say that actually; you can't accommodate him early, and give him a couple of suggestions of pubs/cafes/places he could go. Let him know any time between 7 - 8pm is fine to arrive.

Then deal with your wider partner problem later.

MarshyMcMarshFace · 31/08/2023 14:16

Oh, sorry, I missed that your DH is out til 7.

Be breezy with bloke, let him drop his bag, then point him towards town / pub / whatever and say ‘sorry, DH not back til 7, I am not able to make the house available h til then because of work events… see you at 7’

It’s fine to do that.

LightDrizzle · 31/08/2023 14:17

Don’t be a doormat. His expectations aren’t your problem.

Answer the door with headphones on, say “You must be X, we weren't expecting you for 5 hours. I’m working and DH won’t be home until 6 so its probably best if you drop your bags and head out. There are cafes and shops on Brasenose Street. If he says he’ll stay put and do some work, point out the sockets, the water glasses and the bog and leave him to it. If you make yourself a drink at any point, offer him one. That’s it.

Feverly · 31/08/2023 14:18

Pass the problem back to your boyfriend, he feels entitled to give away your time and labour, so correct him. Tell him he either gets home now and sorts his problem, or he tells the random stranger to occupy his time until he gets home to host him.

Mywingshurt · 31/08/2023 14:20

When he knocks on the door tell him you've never heard of him and your partner hasn't said anything. Then switch your phone off and let your partner deal with the fallout.

VictoriaVenkman · 31/08/2023 14:21

Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

You should save your anger for your partner.

Whataretheodds · 31/08/2023 14:22

FullFatPhil · 31/08/2023 14:07

"Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled."

Someone who was told that it was ok. It's your boyfriend that needs telling.

This - tell your partner to sorted out, you're not there to receive the guy.

LightDrizzle · 31/08/2023 14:23

Oh and you are not hosting after 7? He’s not your guest ffs!

Your DH deserves an earful.

cushioncovers · 31/08/2023 14:23

Does your partner have no regard for your comfort or safety ?

OhComeOnFFS · 31/08/2023 14:23

Message your partner and tell him to tell his friend you are out until 7 pm.

Bloody cheeky of both of them tbh.

GabriellaMontez · 31/08/2023 14:23

Also, dump your boyfriend.

You're at the bottom of his pile of people to be kind and respectful to. That's really not what you want in a partner.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 31/08/2023 14:24

wtf - dump your stupid partner. How does he even know this guy is safe?! WHO the fuck does this. WHY are you with such an idiot?!

GLORIAGloriarse · 31/08/2023 14:26

Please don't be 'polite' about this. If you believe he is trustworthy (partner has mutual friends or similar) then tell him he is welcome to leave his bags until 7 but you have work commitments until then so will need the house. You could suggest a cafe, pub or shopping centre or he could use bloody google. Don't answer if he comes back before.

If you don't know him from Adam then don't answer the door, or do and let him know you have work calls until 7 so can he please come back then as arranged. I hate to say it but there is a safety aspect to this.

Who the hell comes 5 hours early to a stranger's house,and who comes requesting food from them?! And as for DP, why has he made this your problem?! Send the bloke away and make clear to DP that this is not cool. The bloke clearly has the hide of a rhino so don't be afraid to make yourself clear.

cocksstrideintheevening · 31/08/2023 14:29

Well I wouldn't answer the door. He can call your partner who can tell him he needs to wait until the agreed time. How do you get somewhere 5 hours early anyway?!

It's going to be an awkward evening op.

ManchesterLu · 31/08/2023 14:29

I don't care what the event is, there's no way I'd be having someone I didn't know (and your DP doesn't know!) staying in my home. He could be anyone.

Your DP should not have been railroaded into this, and I'd be having a word with whatever the group is.

Totalwasteofpaper · 31/08/2023 14:29

Let him put his bag down in his room

Tell him where the shops and restaurants are and tell him you will see him at 7 for dinner.

HB1974 · 31/08/2023 14:30

Can you go and work somewhere else and be out?

Or am I too late? Is he there?

CherryMaDeara · 31/08/2023 14:32

Don't open the door! Tell him you're at work and he can't come before 7.

AMuser · 31/08/2023 14:32

Tell your partner to grow a pair and learn how to say no. All this could have been avoided.

CherryMaDeara · 31/08/2023 14:32

Urgh, can't believe all the people urging OP to let him in.

OP, ignore them all.

hylian · 31/08/2023 14:33

He didn't turn up 5 hours early. He contacted your partner to tell him that he was early and would it be OK to come over, and your partner said yes. Your partner is the problem, not your guest.