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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered one off lift to colleague, turned into daily thing without pay!!

162 replies

TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 12:48

I’ve started a new job in November and one of my colleagues asked to be dropped off as a favour one day. Little did I know she would be waiting for me by the only exit on a daily basis. I’ve on numerous occasions made excuses and said I’m rushing to an appointment or my neighbour is locked out and I’ve got her spare indoors but to no avail. I’m what MN calls a pushover/ doormat. Im really upset as she doesn’t offer anything financially or even thank you. The worst thing is, I’ve given her the first lift home because she suffered a miscarriage and was taken ill at work. But because of that first kind act, she expected it everyday. I’m writing her a text message now as it’s getting too much now and I need to put my foot down. I don’t want to pussyfoot around her anymore.
AIBU?

OP posts:
knobheadinlaws · 22/02/2023 12:51

Absolutely not.

Can I refer you to this thread: Refusing to give a friend lifts any more http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4748452-refusing-to-give-a-friend-lifts-any-more

Grin
Original poster
TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 12:53

Thanks, knobheadinlaws!
first time I’ve posted anything, and long term lurker😌

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 22/02/2023 12:53

So what happens when you make your excuse, does she laugh at you and force her way into the car?
If it was me I would just drive on past her and if she approached me about it later I would casualy say it's not convenient.
I wonder how she got home before you started working there?

redskydelight · 22/02/2023 12:54

No. But make sure you're absolutely clear.
"It's not convenient for me to give you a lift home any more after Friday. Please make your own arrangements in the future."

Don't offer up a reason, or she'll try to twist it.

lazycats · 22/02/2023 12:54

This has become a weirdly specific trend on MN. The lesson is: never help anyone, ever.

redskydelight · 22/02/2023 12:57

lazycats · 22/02/2023 12:54

This has become a weirdly specific trend on MN. The lesson is: never help anyone, ever.

The lesson is also: be very clear about how much you are willing to help. If you don't say anything or just go along with what the other person suggests, they will assume you are ok with it.

Original poster
TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 12:59

Thesharkradar · 22/02/2023 12:53

So what happens when you make your excuse, does she laugh at you and force her way into the car?
If it was me I would just drive on past her and if she approached me about it later I would casualy say it's not convenient.
I wonder how she got home before you started working there?

Yesterday took the biscuit, I said bye to the admin ladies and said I’m rushing home can’t stay and chat. I’ve got a lot to do. As my taxi arrived, she was by the door one minute and the next she got in my taxi. I was gobsmacked 😶 and stared at her as I told her during our break time that I was going in a different direction today. So make your own way home.

OP posts:
Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 13:00

If you can't bring yourself to say no, tell her you now have a new commitment after work, looking in on a elderly family member/going swimming/going to the gym/going to a hobby.

Don't be a push over when she is demanding, say no, its too far out of my way.

Moonlightsonatas · 22/02/2023 13:01

She got in your taxi?!

fairgame84 · 22/02/2023 13:01

Is her drop off on your way home or in the opposite direction?
Much easier if it's out of your way as you can just say you're not going that way. It makes it awkward if her drop off is on your way home.

memyselfi · 22/02/2023 13:02

All these times you gave her a lift , you were actually getting a taxi ?

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 13:02

Do you usually get a taxi or do you usually drive?

Original poster
TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 13:02

fairgame84 · 22/02/2023 13:01

Is her drop off on your way home or in the opposite direction?
Much easier if it's out of your way as you can just say you're not going that way. It makes it awkward if her drop off is on your way home.

No, opposite direction but closer to our place of work than me.

OP posts:
romdowa · 22/02/2023 13:02

TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 12:59

Yesterday took the biscuit, I said bye to the admin ladies and said I’m rushing home can’t stay and chat. I’ve got a lot to do. As my taxi arrived, she was by the door one minute and the next she got in my taxi. I was gobsmacked 😶 and stared at her as I told her during our break time that I was going in a different direction today. So make your own way home.

Show quote history

I'd have gotten back out of the taxi and called another one. Let her take that one and pay for it

Original poster
TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 13:03

memyselfi · 22/02/2023 13:02

All these times you gave her a lift , you were actually getting a taxi ?

Yes 🙄

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 22/02/2023 13:03

Sorry what?

She got in your taxi so you got them to take her home and then paid for it?

Riapia · 22/02/2023 13:03

The worst thing is, I’ve given her the first lift home because she suffered a miscarriage and was taken ill at work.

So you you didn’t make it clear at the time that you were only giving her a lift because she had suffered a miscarriage.
She should’ve known.

fairgame84 · 22/02/2023 13:03

So she gets in your taxi, expects it to drop her off in the opposite direction and expects you to pay for it?

AlisonDonut · 22/02/2023 13:05

TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 13:03

Yes 🙄

Show quote history

How are you doing this without exploding and telling her to fuck off out of your taxi?

You must have the constitution of an ox. Bottle it and sell it. Fucking hell!

Bemoreatticus · 22/02/2023 13:05

The taxi makes the conversation easier. She either pays half the fare or makes her own arrangements.

Verv · 22/02/2023 13:05

Even if she's waiting to pounce by the door its time for "Im not giving lifts anymore"

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 13:05

TwinMama6 · 22/02/2023 13:03

Yes 🙄

Show quote history

Thats even worse, taxis aren't cheap. Has she never offered to put towards? She's a cheeky cow, definitely tell her no more lifts!

Verv · 22/02/2023 13:06

Oh god ive just seen the taxi update!

Straight up tell her to pay her own way or walk.

AlisonDonut · 22/02/2023 13:06

Order two taxis? Get in the first one, when she gets in, get out and then get in the other one.

SnarkyBag · 22/02/2023 13:06

OK there’s being a mug and there’s being ridiculous but are you actually saying you are paying for a taxi for her everyday as part of your journey. Come on get your big girl pants pulled up!

“Hi x just wanted to let you know I can’t fund your taxi journey’s home anymore. The number for the taxi company is xxx so you can book your own.”