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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a man standing outside a school in girls uniform is not OK?

1000 replies

crinklemum2 · 20/01/2023 08:35

Name changed as this is very local and he was seen wearing my DD's school uniform.

A local school uniform shop shared images to reassure parents they would not be selling him any items. Essex police say he poses no risk and people should stop sharing the photos. He looks to be late 50s/early 60s.

He's been seen around schools - both primary and secondary - dressed as a school girl (in their uniform). I am fucking outraged that the police don't seem to think that's an issue. God forbid we offend men or shame their fetishes.

AIBU that this must be an antisocial behaviour at the very least?

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:57

2023pending · 20/01/2023 13:53

He’s literally fuckin staring at kids and making sure he’s there to get the bus with them. No one is telling me this man isn’t a paedo.

No actual pedophile is that stupid to be so obvious. It’s like you’ve never met one IRL.

bowlingalleyblues · 20/01/2023 13:57

Why can't they give him an ASBO preventing him from loitering outside the school or riding on the schoolbus?

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 13:57

FrostyFifi · 20/01/2023 13:54

I'm minded of the pitchfork brigades who think that being homosexual means that adult men want to have sex with pre pubescent little boys

Your comparison of a perverted man dressed as a schoolgirl and loitering outside a school on on buses to photograph children, to gay men, is disgustingly homophobic. Why would you even think to draw such a parallel?

Absolutely agree. Gay people are not sex offenders or fetishists.

Naunet · 20/01/2023 13:58

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 13:49

Let's be clear. I think he's odd. I think it's possible there's an element of exhibitionism as in he enjoys the attention. I think it's a big jump to say he's a paedophile though....(which by the way in itself isn't a crime). What l'm struggling to understand is other than dressing as a schoolgirl, which could be a little unsettling, what threat do you believe he poses. Are people assuming he's going to sexually assault someone or maybe start wanking? That's what I'm trying to understand.

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That he will sexually assault children, obviously. If you don’t think this is a warning sign that this man could abuse children, what is? Or do you just want to give every man the benefit of the doubt and not even question their motives until they actually abuse a kid? Why are you such a doormat for perverts?

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 13:58

bowlingalleyblues · 20/01/2023 13:57

Why can't they give him an ASBO preventing him from loitering outside the school or riding on the schoolbus?

Sadly Theresa May got rid of ASBOs a few years ago.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 20/01/2023 13:58

Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:57

No actual pedophile is that stupid to be so obvious. It’s like you’ve never met one IRL.

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Did you just come down in the last shower?

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 20/01/2023 13:58

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 13:56

Wow, can't believe anyone is still peddling that complete nonsense about "a paediatrician's house being burned down".

It never happened. This has been known for years. Suggest you do some due diligence next time rather than just repeating media-constructed lies

www.vice.com/en/article/panm37/how-a-young-girls-death-in-2000-gave-birth-to-an-urban-legend-v26n1

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I was just about to link to that! Speaking of hysteria...

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 13:59

This reply has been deleted

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Naunet · 20/01/2023 13:59

Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:53

Actually a head injury could cause such a condition.

Why are people so eager to assume he is a “pervert” getting “sexual arousal” when the police have already checked him out for that and said that he isn’t any such type of person? Are we wrong for thinking about the other possibilities since the police have ruled out the one you think it is?

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Like they check out their own officers?

2023pending · 20/01/2023 13:59

@Onnabugeisha well considering I got groomed when I was in year 9 I’d say I have actually met a paedophile. And some are obvious, when the urge gets to the point where they can no longer control their desires they make it very glaringly obvious. Staring at young girls just being one of them.

OvaHere · 20/01/2023 13:59

JudgeRudy · 20/01/2023 13:49

Let's be clear. I think he's odd. I think it's possible there's an element of exhibitionism as in he enjoys the attention. I think it's a big jump to say he's a paedophile though....(which by the way in itself isn't a crime). What l'm struggling to understand is other than dressing as a schoolgirl, which could be a little unsettling, what threat do you believe he poses. Are people assuming he's going to sexually assault someone or maybe start wanking? That's what I'm trying to understand.

Show quote history

Yes. That is what we assume. Men like this escalate, it's a known thing.

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 13:59

Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:57

No actual pedophile is that stupid to be so obvious. It’s like you’ve never met one IRL.

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Not acknowledging the blatantly obvious reality is a big part of the agenda for some people, it seems

Ever heard of Occam's razor? Or the Emperor's New Clothes?

ArabellaScott · 20/01/2023 13:59

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/01/2023 13:53

but if we just embark on witch hunts fuelled by hysteria that's when people's homes get burned down because the neighbours found out they were a Pediatrician. I'm more inclined to think this is a manifestation of some sort of mental illness and his family will be utterly mortified when they realise what their elderly relative has been doing.

You’re talking about a moronic mob who confused Paediatrician with Paedophile, This is not that. And even if it is a manifestation of mental illness, do you really think that makes it safe to allow him to continue doing what he’s doing ? And I think I read upthread somewhere that his family know what he’s doing and they’re struggling to access mental health services to deal with it. That in itself is unacceptable, given what could happen.

The paediatrician/paedophile mob story appears to largely have been an urban myth.

www.vice.com/en/article/panm37/how-a-young-girls-death-in-2000-gave-birth-to-an-urban-legend-v26n1

RitasR · 20/01/2023 13:59

If the schools have committed safeguarding policies and take this seriously, they should tell all girls to come to school in their own clothes until half-term. One of the main reasons for wearing a school uniform is the sense of belonging and pride in your school and the school community, the children are representing the school while wearing it. This sick man is making a farce of this as he is not a member of the school community. I would be so upset if my child had to see an old nasty creep loitering around school wearing her school's uniform, it's fucking indecent. I would refuse to send my child in uniform and suggest that parents get together and force the schools to act. Own clothes until this man has been dealt with.

Leadbypencils · 20/01/2023 14:00

A trojan horse for his pervy nonce mates. The lack of action against him by police is a license for others to do exactly the same.

Newtonsnipple · 20/01/2023 14:00

So why this man suspicious? Why were the police interested in this man? He hasn't commited a crime has he?

www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/suspicious-man-reported-loitering-outside-20062186

But one who dresses in multiple school girls uniforms, and deliberately puts themsleves next to very uncomfortble school girls and takes photos of the...is not?

Nothing to see here.

Well, except the police confirming to male nonces and perverts up and down the UK that they can do what they want, just as long as they wear a lovely skirt.

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm not white and it's very telling that you assume everyone is.

You've just tipped over from excusing sex offenders into outright racism.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 20/01/2023 14:00

This reply has been deleted

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How fucking dare you compare the unimaginable plight, horror and crimes against black people and gay men to this disgusting individual. What a cheap shot.

FrankieStein403 · 20/01/2023 14:01

>what threat do you believe he poses.

He wants to be a schoolgirl.

Meaning he wants to be 'friends' with schoolgirls, wants to chat about schoolgirl stuff, clothes, makeup, teachers, parents, music and oh yes boys, gender, sex...

The minimum threat is an adult engaging with children at age inappropriate levels.

BloodAndFire · 20/01/2023 14:01

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 20/01/2023 13:58

I was just about to link to that! Speaking of hysteria...

Show quote history

Great minds!

The irony of accusing others of ill-informed lynch mob mentality while happily spreading urban myths from 20+ years ago

HootyMcboob76 · 20/01/2023 14:02

"It wasn't that long ago gay men were presumed to be preditors and child abusers, or that 'blacks weren't like us' and couldn't be trusted not to rape white women."

JESUS
FUCKING
CHRIST

Naunet · 20/01/2023 14:02

Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:57

No actual pedophile is that stupid to be so obvious. It’s like you’ve never met one IRL.

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What, like Jimmy Saville?

Soothsayer1 · 20/01/2023 14:02

omnitea · 20/01/2023 13:54

I worked with a single man in his 50's who took my picture on his mobile phone more than once when I asked him to delete it he refused and said he took lots of pictures of women at bus stops, on trains, in the supermarket. He said he took the picture and then masterbated while looking at it and that was the best way to "expunge" a woman from his brain. I complained to management about him and was told he wasn't doing any harm so there was nothing they could do.

It seems like this man is also taking photos of underage schoolgirls from previous posts and reports? If this is true I wonder what he is doing with them?

And you had to work with him 😣
And he admitted it and explained it to you .....I suppose he also got some sexual pleasure from that
Is he just a very messed up man or are they all like that under the surface?

neverbeenskiing · 20/01/2023 14:02

Essex police say he poses no risk and people should stop sharing the photos. He looks to be late 50s/early 60s.

I’m intrigued at how the police can make this claim so confidently. It is a known fact that sexual paraphilias escalate over time as the initial thrill diminishes.

They can't arrest him and lock him up because he might commit a crime at some point in the future.

OvaHere · 20/01/2023 14:02

Onnabugeisha · 20/01/2023 13:57

No actual pedophile is that stupid to be so obvious. It’s like you’ve never met one IRL.

Show quote history

Of course they are. Men with any kind of paraphilia are driven by compulsion and they escalate to keep feeding that compulsion. This drives them to take more and more risks including being very public with their behaviour.

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