AIBU to think DH is selfish to have night out and leave me alone with 3 week old newborn?

[Londonaries]

My husband has just recovered from covid, me and my 3 week old caught covid from him, my newborn is thankfully better now after a worrying night of a fever and visit to the hospital. I am still unwell but slowly improving.

Husband wants to go out with his friend on Friday night after also being out the same afternoon for work and work drinks. AIBU to think that is just selfish to leave me at home with a less than 4 week old while he goes drinking and eating curry with his friend especially given the tricky week of covid we’ve had?

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

seriously, at 4 weeks PP I was at my lowest point, I felt like I'd been split in two, I was a milking machine, sleep deprived, could barely put my own socks on and had a screaming newborn to look after too...it is absolutely selfish for him to go out for a 'night off' with his mate at this point!
And this is your expierence. As keeps getting pointed out, everyone is different.
At four weeks I was absolutely back to normal in many ways with Ds1. I was able to go back to the gym excatly one week after his birth. It probably wasnt my wisest move and I guess I wouldnt do it if I had my time again but I was fit and well and out walking every day. The only thing that bothered me was my boobs leaking every now and then. Ds1 was a dream and I wondered why I put off having babies as I expected a nightmare. You say it is absolutely sefish for the Dh to go out at this point but I was happy for mine to and he was happy for me to go out as well. It really is each to their own and weighing up what else is happeing. In my case it was fine, in other people's situation if they are struggling ,its not so fine.
There is no definitive answer that is going to suit everyone.

But surely if OP is not in the position where she is fine, bearing in mind she was ill and baby had had to go into hospital, it’s quite reasonable to think she is not the I was back in the gym the when baby was 1 week old (I would probably have split my stomach muscles even more if I had tried that) person. And it’s fine if you were but surely you can find some empathy for someone who is struggling

You sound triggered and judgmental with barely any information go on or a full understanding of circumstances, I feel equally sorry for you and yours. God bless you.

You sound triggered and judgmental with barely any information go on or a full understanding of circumstances, I feel equally sorry for you and yours. God bless you.

I know a lot of awesome momma bears and I’d say you don’t sound like one. I’d also say perhaps the handle momma troll probably suits better based on your insightful and maternally motivated response.

I'd be rather disappointed that my husband needs to get out after only 3 weeks with newborn. Is this your first baby?

Thanks for everyone’s input. I didn’t expect such a huge response to this and clearly it is a bit divisive.

To answer some questions and fill in more details.

• I am exclusively breastfeeding
• My milk supply got ruined by being sick with Covid which has caused a very hungry and tired baby that deserves both his parents trying to do everything to help.
• I say baby is 4weeks but I’m rounding up, he is still 3 weeks but I doubt that will change many responses anyway.
• I am now recovering from Covid after being in bed for 3 days (though not sleeping obviously!)
• DH is very supportive and has postponed night out until next week when things (post Covid and milk supply nightmare) are settled.

I have also learned that there is definitely a mixed bag of contributors on MN. Some that love to try to drag someone down. I know who are the type that I have time for and thank you for all the support and encouragement from the emotionally intelligent contributors and mums. 💕

Glad to hear that you and your DH have reached a compromise OP. Than God he is more supportive than half the women on here huh!

I’d have been fine with this, but would have asked him to take baby out for a few hours the next day so I could get a break. If I was still feeling ill then yes I might have asked him to leave earlier but probably would have tried to accommodate. My kids are older now but what my partner and I always try to do at the weekends or when we are on holiday is each have a dedicated slot of time when we can do our own thing without kids/ judgment, see friends, go for a walk, sit with a coffee, have a nap. It makes a real difference to our mental health and we’re both better parents/ partners for it. Obviously if your DH chooses Friday night though, he can’t then also choose all day Sat too or ruin your time out, it has to be equal.

It doesn't matter how other people would feel alone with a 3 week old. All newborns (and covid infections!) vary in intensity, if you need or want the support he should want to give it.

I think the rule should be the first night out goes to the mum, and then you take turns from there. If you're too knackered to go out yourself, you're too knackered for him to go out either. You're a team.

I wouldn't have considered leaving my wife and baby when he was 3 weeks old. They were both healthy and he had been easy but you don't know when they might change, and drinks would make it harder to contribute to childcare later.

I would have been happy for her to go out as I had not given birth/been breastfeeding and suffering the cumulative effects of three weeks of tiredness and physical recovery in the same way.

Glad your DH is being supportive @Londonaries , communication is really key especially in the early weeks. Try to rest when you can to build up your strength

Ignore all the control comments.
If a man isn't switched on enough to give his partner support when she needs it, there's nothing wrong with telling him he needs to help rather than asking him.
I can't imagine what it's like to have an easy newborn who just sleeps. Mine didn't.

Every family is different but at 3 weeks I was still suffering pretty bad and catheter still in situ, everything was painful. I don’t have any other births to compare to as it’s my first but if he had left me at three weeks I couldn’t have coped with a newborn without some respite in the evening.

I am still unwell

That says it all to me - YANBU

Big hug OP. That sounds quite full on. Glad your DH has postponed the night out. I hope you and baby feel better soon. TBH, regardless of reason, if you have had a tough week and the night out is a nice to have not a big event planned ages in advance (wedding, big birthday etc.) then I think most supportive partners tend to postpone. I don't think that is unusual.