AIBU to think DH is selfish to have night out and leave me alone with 3 week old newborn?

[Londonaries]

My husband has just recovered from covid, me and my 3 week old caught covid from him, my newborn is thankfully better now after a worrying night of a fever and visit to the hospital. I am still unwell but slowly improving.

Husband wants to go out with his friend on Friday night after also being out the same afternoon for work and work drinks. AIBU to think that is just selfish to leave me at home with a less than 4 week old while he goes drinking and eating curry with his friend especially given the tricky week of covid we’ve had?

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

It used to be called 'wetting the baby's head' years ago!

(Why the mums weren't the ones to go and wet the baby's head I don't know.)

I think it's fine as long as you get a turn to go out too when you feel like it.

How does that make someone a “cool wife” ? Life doesn’t stop because you have a new born. If he’s pulling his weight, a night out is harmful.

At 4 weeks i was still bleeding, leaking milk everywhere, crying randomly etc
It is such early days

Well I left Ds1 with Dh when he was excatly 3 weeks old and I went out with my friends. Dh went out for 2 hours with Bil when ds1 was a few days old to the pub across the road. I snuggled up and watched the telly.
I'm not a cool wife but a partner. We supported each other. If something bad was happening, like when Ds2 was ill at a couple of weeks old, it was all hands to the deck and help each other.

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Excuse me? I haven't said anything others haven't. How is it selfish to want a night out? OP has already said she's managing alright with the baby and that DH was ill too. Is everyone just supposed to stay home indefinitely when they have kids and not socialise until they're grown?

I think I see the point, it's probably less this one night out but what it signifies for the future - in other words you'll be left holding baby whilst your husband has just one night here or there. In that case yanbu. You need to establish ground rules early so you don't fall into the above pattern.

Tricky one. I also have a 3 week old (plus 3 others) and my husband asked if I’d mind him going to play football last night. I didn’t mind and I’m sure he felt better for it. But we hadn’t been unwell like you & there was no drinks involved. I think I might feel the same as you in your shoes

This is why I started expressing at ten days to try and ensure I wouldn't have a bottle refuser. So this wouldn't bother me, you can plan your time away and DH feeding baby won't be a problem/excuse.

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

I never 'eased up' because I was never so controlling.

I’m surprised at the responses here? My DP wouldn’t have even thought about doing this at 4 weeks old as everything still felt very intense? Especially after a baby (and you) being unwell.
I remember the worry of young babies being unwell/temperatures. He should just want to be home and be a bit more supportive? I’m shocked that everyone thinks OP is unreasonable?
if you were fine with it and he wanted to then I would say no big deal - but you’re obvs still very much in the ‘this is intense’ stage (as I was too at this point.) it wouldn’t kill him to just wait a few weeks would like t??

Wetting the baby's head used to happen while mum and baby were still in hospital being looked after!

Life doesn’t stop when you have a baby

I don't think YABU if you need the support at home... I had covid a week after giving birth and it was awful. I then had a really hard recovery so at 4 weeks I would be upset if he went out all afternoon and evening when I needed company and support at home.

I don’t see any issue - obviously he then owes you, so you can have a night out!

Don’t see the issue at all. In fact, I went out and left my 3 week old with my husband all night!

If he was pulling his weight overall I'd be OK with the occasional night out, but not being a write off the next day too.

Not all 4 week old are 'relatively easy' as a pp said.... some are colicky and exhausting!

Generally does for at least 1 parent

To be clear I don't have a problem with my husband going out, he does what he wants and has december socials lined up already.. My question is specifically with the timing of this.

Not everyone is the same, we went to an Officers' Mess function when baby was 10 days old, she was happy to sleep in a subby's room.

If you are feeling a bit emotionaly wobbly after covid , with a new baby, then if it was me id tell my dh how i felt ?
he may then want to stay in with u?
if not then at least you get to talk about it .
does he know how you feel ?

It depends if he has form for being a selfish arse and this is just the latest thing in a long line of twattish behaviour. If he’s normally kind and considerate then I wouldn’t have a problem with this. I’d send him out early in the morning to fetch me all the snacks/facemask/giant thermos so I didn’t even need to get up off the sofa to put the kettle on and I’d probably love it.

@Skelligsfeathers same.

It depends. 3 weeks in you can be struggling from recovering from a serious tear or a c section. You might have a baby with colic who screams all evening. If you need help then he should stay in. It really doesn't matter if some people found 3 weeks in a walk in the park - it's how you are finding it.

Going for a curry and a couple of drinks, fine. Going for a late one and getting pissed up with hangover, not fine.

Find a compromise