AIBU to think DH is selfish to have night out and leave me alone with 3 week old newborn?

[Londonaries]

My husband has just recovered from covid, me and my 3 week old caught covid from him, my newborn is thankfully better now after a worrying night of a fever and visit to the hospital. I am still unwell but slowly improving.

Husband wants to go out with his friend on Friday night after also being out the same afternoon for work and work drinks. AIBU to think that is just selfish to leave me at home with a less than 4 week old while he goes drinking and eating curry with his friend especially given the tricky week of covid we’ve had?

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

Yes a lot of women have a very low bar it seems. OP I hope you’re ok after reading such scathing comments towards you. You really didn’t deserve such nastiness xx

@Londonaries hope you are feeling better now

You have my sympathies OP. Similar happened to me at around 4 weeks and that was only 5 weeks ago. Evenings have been the most challenging with my LO, DH was only out until 11pm one night, sober as a judge and I still had to ask my dad over purely so I could have some company/another person to hold my fussy baby for ten minutes! I’m ebf and have found any time alone with baby in the evenings very challenging as there is a lot to juggle. It has at times felt impossible lol.

I’d gently explain to him that at this stage you’d rather not be left alone. Although if it’s to cause a big row I’d let your DH get on with it this time without making it an issue, pick your battles at this time as you’ll be knackered no doubt and arguing won’t help. Sorry I’ve not been able to read any other comments you have left but is there family or a friend close by that could come over for a couple of hours at the dreaded time for some company/a bit of a break? Take care of yourself when you can 😘xx

Yabu newborns just sleep all the time. Let him have his night out.

Unless it’s going to be a regular thing where he goes out and you never get to go out/do things you want then it’s probably fine. My partner works nights, so from 2 weeks old I was alone with my baby every night!

@LoveMyCats1 your newborn might have, others don’t. Mine liked sleeping during the day, nighttime not so much! Used to take 2 hours to feed, sleep for an hour, then want feeding again. The first 3 months was hell. Luckily, after that he settled down. I know others weren’t so lucky and the non-sleeping nightmare continued for longer

I wouldn't have had a problem with him going out, but every couple is different.

It’s interesting to see so much toxic femismo in this thread. “Newborns aren’t hard,” “I went to a party when my baby was three days old yabu”, “get a grip”. Bizarre, like some sort of parallel universe. Newborns are hard as shit. You’ve had no sleep, you’ve just given birth, your nerves are raw, the baby is on you all the time, you can’t think. That’s even without Covid. There will be a time for both of you to get your nights out with friends but it sounds like this isn’t it. I would be furious in your position.

honestly the “it isn’t hard!!” people are so weird. I’ve never met anyone who’s said that in real life! Pay them no mind.

It’s interesting to see so much toxic femismo in this thread. “Newborns aren’t hard,” “I went to a party when my baby was three days old yabu”, “get a grip”. Bizarre, like some sort of parallel universe. Newborns are hard as shit. You’ve had no sleep, you’ve just given birth, your nerves are raw, the baby is on you all the time, you can’t think. That’s even without Covid. There will be a time for both of you to get your nights out with friends but it sounds like this isn’t it. I would be furious in your position.
honestly the “it isn’t hard!!” people are so weird. I’ve never met anyone who’s said that in real life! Pay them no mind.

Yes, unfortunately you seem to have ended up on the end of some competitive cunting in this thread OP. Yanbu though. There is not a chance in hell mine would've been going anywhere 4 weeks after I'd given birth, and I hadn't just had covid.

Yes I really am shaking my head reading this. The first 6 weeks are so bloody hard. I mean all of parenting is hard but those first weeks are just so exhausting. You don't get more than a couple of hours unbroken sleep, hormones are all over the place and it's a huge adjustment whether it's baby number one or not. I can't believe how unfeeling people can be.

Presumably you're alone with the baby when he's at work. Why is it any different because it'll be night time?

See I think the opposite: MN tends to be very negative about newborn days and parenthood in general. I see lots of posts on threads like this from people saying their baby cries for hours a day / never slept beyond an hour at a time / you’ll never sleep again / forget ever drinking a cup of tea hot again etc etc

In real life my experience and that of everyone I know is different. Some people had babies with reflux or those who didn’t sleep much which was a challenge, but no one had everything and always had something positive in their baby. For most of us, newborns did sleep mostly during the first few weeks / months and we all managed to brush our hair, get dressed and get some sleep.

Different people have different experiences but I don’t think it’s very helpful to say how awful newborns are as unhelpful as it is for people to say that newborns are easy!

I think the point is he will have been at work all day and then go out so it's extending the amount of time she's alone with the baby.

Think we all get that lol. Cringing for you, how to miss the point 😂

@GoodnightGentleBoris people are just giving their experience. OP is struggling and many posters instead of giving her support are telling her she is pretty much being pathetic as newborn babies are so easy. Whereas some of us are saying actually ours weren’t. I can remember sobbing hysterically in the bathroom wondering what the hell had we done, whilst poor DH was split between trying to look after me whilst comforting baby DS who was in another room crying and refusing to go to sleep. If DH had decided to go out with his mates that night not what state I would have been in when he got home. PND and non sleeping, forever hungry baby was not a good combination

‘Ease up on’?! Controlling, much. It’s one evening out ffs.

My husband goes away for months at a time for work including when my baby was 3 weeks old for 9 weeks and I had a toddler. I still think your DH is being unreasonable though, those first 6 weeks are so tense and hard work (in my experience at least) my DH never would have gone on a night out during that stage. If it was for a special occasion stag do etc that's different. But something non urgent, he wouldn't have even tried.

@GoodnightGentleBoris “most of us” seems like a statistical reach, doesn’t it? How would you know that? But either way that isn’t the context of this question, in which OP is clearly struggling. People aren’t saying “don’t worry, for most people having a newborn isn’t as hellish as all that, don’t be frightened” in order to reassure and encourage her. The tone is “having a newborn is easy and if you don’t think that YOU ARE PATHETIC”. Bizarre.

As the Op hasn’t commented in a while I hope she’s logged out of mumsnet and isn’t reading these comments. Imagine becoming a new mum, struggling with covid and coming on mumsnet for some supportive advice and end up not only slaughtered and goaded, but accused of being abusive. I am saddened by this thread.

YANBU OP he should stay at home and look after both of you. There will always be other socials, more so that he is going to be out all day as well.

“Most of us” is “most of the people I know”, that’s how I know that….

Yes I agree the tone is off in some posts, but for some posts, the tone is also “having a newborn is impossible and the husband is a total arse to even suggest it” including one poster saying she’d line up her options if this was even floated; which is also an overreaction:

Either way, rhe OP hasn’t been back so perhaps we are all just bickering with each other now to no end 😉

I was back running three weeks after giving birth, and would have had no issue whatsoever with DH wanting a night out, so it’s definitely not a given that everyone suffers the same way.

I had a short night out myself in week four, while he stayed in taking care of the baby.

Or she is a competent mother. I’d say it’s likely to be the latter.

You are blessed to be your babies mum.
I ebf for years and hubs slept bc he worked to provide for our family.
Yup,including me raising our children and not strangers.
I see others sarcastically calling it martyrdom,ACTUALLY,WE ARE MEANT TO FEED OUR BABIES.
AND RAISE THEM.
Total of over 5 years feeding our precious babies.That was MY JOB and wouldn't have changed it for anything. I did what I was meant to do and loved doing it.
How sad imo when mother's don't want to be the ones to nourish and be there for their precious babies.
I read that mother's are worried about what nursing will do to their bodies....
Believe me,any stretch mark, or possible saginess (also happens w weight gain etc.) is absolutely worth it.
My precious hub appreciates all I've done for our kids,ages 22,20 and 18.
But he supports that I want a lift and small implants.
But we've been together since I was 17.
We mature,together. Remember no one is perfect.
So yes I may have stayed from the original question....Remember we are truly blessed in life,sometimes we need a reminder.

@GoodnightGentleBoris ah yes, I see on rereading that you explained that, sorry! nothing wrong with anecdata, although mine skews differently 🤷🏻‍♀️ Agree that newborn experiences vary wildly, and also that people can overreact in a variety of insane directions on mumsnet threads… 😉