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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to get rid of the dog.

202 replies

Alfredo674 · 22/09/2022 17:16

My DH wants to get rid of our dog. At this stage I don't think he cares if she is rehomed, goes to a shelter or is put down.

She is a 13 year old terrier cross and up until a few months ago she was having a lot of issues with diarrhoea and causing a lot of mess in the house. We have very young DC and I put measures in place to try and sort her tummy problems (consulted a vet, changed her food, she now sleeps in a crate overnight so she is contained) and for the past few months her stomach has been better although she vomits intermittently.

This morning she had pooed in the crate but it had spilled out on to the floor, so whilst he sorted the DC for nursery I had to clean up this huge mess whilst I should have been expressing milk before my newborn twins woke up.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief. DH says he won't go through it again. In fairness he is the one who walks her although we are struggling to get her walked everyday at the moment.

Despite all of this I'm still very much of the opinion that a dog is a life long commitment. AIBU?

OP posts:
MRSE20 · 22/09/2022 17:19

I agree with you OP. I don’t think I could just get rid of a pet that I’ve had for a long time because they were unwell. This post makes me so sad for the dog!
It must be also really hard on you too with your newborns, I can understand it is adding extra stress. But a dog is for life imo

FurAndFeathers · 22/09/2022 17:19

A dog is a lifelong commitment but it sounds like your dog has untreated medical issues or severe cognitive decline causing house-soiling regression.

either of these should be treated/managed medically or you should be considering her quality of life.

being crated with her own shit is not a solution that gives her a good life.

Keyansier · 22/09/2022 17:21

I really dislike dogs, personally, can't stand them.

But I'm not really a dog person. But I think if you are then it's hard to get rid of them, as you grow attached and see them as more of just a pet, like people don't have with pet cats. However, you cannot keep a dog alive if it is suffering from dementia, that is borderline animal cruelty, and it's only to make you feel better, certainly not the dog. I think YABU, not your DH.

violetglow7 · 22/09/2022 17:21

I'd get rid of DH. Attitude like that towards a sick family pet is a huge red flag.

Hoppinggreen · 22/09/2022 17:22

If your dog has no or little quality of life then keeping it alive is selfish.
I would rather have my beloved pets pts 1 week early than 1 week too late. I have kept pets too long as I couldn’t face it but I won’t now.
If you think your dog still has a reasonable quality of life great but if not then pts

BattenburgDonkey · 22/09/2022 17:22

I think you are right, you can’t get rid of a life long commitment once it’s not easy and fun anymore. When you say you are struggling to walk the dog every day, is that because of the dogs health?

Sprig1 · 22/09/2022 17:22

It sounds like a miserable life for your dog being ill all of the time. I would be seeking a second opinion if my vet hadn't got to the bottom of the problem after all this time.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/09/2022 17:22

There is a balance.
Not fair to rehome her. Not fair to keep her as she is. PTS is a fair option.

FurAndFeathers · 22/09/2022 17:22

MRSE20 · 22/09/2022 17:19

I agree with you OP. I don’t think I could just get rid of a pet that I’ve had for a long time because they were unwell. This post makes me so sad for the dog!
It must be also really hard on you too with your newborns, I can understand it is adding extra stress. But a dog is for life imo

A dog is for life whilst he/she is enjoying a good quality of life.

life at any cost (to the dog) is selfish and cruel

BattenburgDonkey · 22/09/2022 17:23

To add to my post, I do agree with others actually that if the dog has no quality of life then putting to sleep is fairest. My post was assuming dog is otherwise happy which I realise may not be the case.

WagathaChristieMystery · 22/09/2022 17:23

This is so tough. You are absolutely not being U to want to keep your dog, but it sounds like you’re very busy right now and have your hands full with family and young children, which sounds very intense, even without the challenges of looking after an unwell and elderly dog.

I guess it partly comes down to whether you feel you have enough time to give your dog a good life. It really shows in your OP that you love her and she sounds very well cared for, but are you going to be able to care for her whilst bringing up very young children and making time for your own needs and DH?

Would it be possible to have a chat with your DH and think about temporarily rehoming your dog with a shelter or family you trust? And then review that arrangement and see how it goes?

I do understand it’s not a nice decision to make though - I have a cat, and the thought of rehoming him would break me!

CrossStichQueen · 22/09/2022 17:24

It sounds like life is not that great for the dog!
13 years old and now sleeps in a crate, vomiting and incontinence and barely walked.
What did the vet say was the cause?

Ponderingwindow · 22/09/2022 17:24

A dog is a lifetime commitment.

your dog may be approaching the end of that life. From past experience, my regret has been in waiting too long to put a pet to sleep, not in doing it too early. Holding on for your own needs isn’t kind. So the question at hand should be is your dog happy?

NormalNans · 22/09/2022 17:25

I’m with your husband, our elderly dog deteriorated physically and mentally over a long period. Was incontinent and confused and in pain. DH didn’t want to make the decision to have him put to sleep and every single day it broke my heart to see the dog suffering so much. It was me who spent time with him so saw the deterioration but because the dog wagged his tail when he got home from work he thought he was OK.

We obviously waited till we both felt the same way but my biggest regret is that we put him through unnecessary distress and pain rather than make that call earlier.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 22/09/2022 17:25

I would get treatment for the dog to give it the best possible life. DH would be gone!!!!

ilovebagpuss · 22/09/2022 17:26

I understand that it can be soul destroying when so much mess is being made or a pet starts weeing and pooing everywhere.
We had a cat that just kept weeing in the house, eventually we found out she had bladder cancer.
However I feel like you that you have a responsibility to that animal like you would a human relation.
You need to get to the bottom of the health problems and find time to walk the dog regularly.
If the health issue is unlikely to clear up it may be in the dogs best interest to be PTS but only a vet can advise that and not because it's an inconvenience.

Gentleman1 · 22/09/2022 17:28

I only like dogs from a distance but only too aware that some people treat them like their family/child etc rightly so

You have a very valid point but so does you DH

Ask the vet re your options

Good luck

Paq · 22/09/2022 17:29

It's awful and distressing for a dog to have diarrhoea and be locked in a crate with its own shit at night.

If you can't get to the bottom of the problem it might be a kindness to put her to sleep.

Gentleman1 · 22/09/2022 17:29

Soory a bit more -

Ask vet re your options due to the poor health of your lovely dog./friend/etc - its not going to easy but may be for the best for all

Good luck

WildOats5678 · 22/09/2022 17:29

A dog is a lifelong commitment including being responsible for giving your pet a dignified passing when that time comes. It is much to loose a pet a day early than a day too late. Your dog has little quality of life especially if she is pooing in her crate. Please consider putting your dog to sleep while she still has some dignity. Think about your dog and not you or your DH’s feelings.

Just to add your husband is disgusting for wanting to regime such an elderly dog.

HandbagAtDawn · 22/09/2022 17:30

I'm with your DH. I've seen family members keep suffering pets alive for far too long because they couldn't bear to let go. It was cruel IMO. Sounds like it might be time.

Original poster
Alfredo674 · 22/09/2022 17:31

I can 100% accept that with our other dog I should have had him pts sooner. He was 16, doubly incontinent, confused, wandered the house at night and in pain from sore joints.

Our current dog is generally well, her tummy has been much better since I changed her food and now gets no treats or leftovers from DC dinner.

When I say struggling to walk her every day I mean because we are struggling to fit it in not because she can't walk, she can still walk fine and is not confused, a bit deaf but otherwise well. The vet just said that her breed were prone to sensitive stomachs.

OP posts:
erinaceus · 22/09/2022 17:31

Do you think that the dog's problems are further treatable, or that you can manage them better somehow? (More extensive use of puppy pads or even dog nappies, more medical care for the incontinence issues, get a dog walker if that would help,.) Does the dog have quality of life? It sounds miserable all around living with constant dog poop and young children, but there might be a way to improve things short of getting rid of the dog.

CrossStichQueen · 22/09/2022 17:31

Just to add your husband is disgusting for wanting to regime such an elderly dog.

I assume you meant rehome and I don't think the DH was talking about rehoming it.

WildOats5678 · 22/09/2022 17:34

CrossStichQueen · 22/09/2022 17:31

Just to add your husband is disgusting for wanting to regime such an elderly dog.

I assume you meant rehome and I don't think the DH was talking about rehoming it.

Yes that was supposed to be rehomed. Ever since Mumsnet did their update my phone randomly auto corrects and misses words out.

I was just going off the OP’s opening remarks of her DH not caring if the dog is rehomed.