To refuse to get rid of the dog.

[Alfredo674]

My DH wants to get rid of our dog. At this stage I don't think he cares if she is rehomed, goes to a shelter or is put down.

She is a 13 year old terrier cross and up until a few months ago she was having a lot of issues with diarrhoea and causing a lot of mess in the house. We have very young DC and I put measures in place to try and sort her tummy problems (consulted a vet, changed her food, she now sleeps in a crate overnight so she is contained) and for the past few months her stomach has been better although she vomits intermittently.

This morning she had pooed in the crate but it had spilled out on to the floor, so whilst he sorted the DC for nursery I had to clean up this huge mess whilst I should have been expressing milk before my newborn twins woke up.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief. DH says he won't go through it again. In fairness he is the one who walks her although we are struggling to get her walked everyday at the moment.

Despite all of this I'm still very much of the opinion that a dog is a life long commitment. AIBU?

Are you sure you're acting in the dog's best interests? Talk to the vet and see if her issues are treatable, or can be well-controlled, or if they're part of the aging process and will just get worse. My vet, when I was discussing the issue of my ailing, elderly, much loved dog, said, 'The last day doesn't have to be the worst day.' Don't postpone what is the last responsibility you have towards your dog until her life has no quality at all.

Rehoming is not an option for such an elderly dog. Your DH is being completely U for even thinking about that.

I think you’re in a bit of denial. It’s not easy to make the decision to PTS an elderly pet. I had to do that last winter with one of my cats, as he was very old and had started being unable to physically walk or get about. He’d fall over just trying to get a drink of water. Was deaf and partially blind. He couldn’t wash himself due to arthritis. He lived very long, was over 16 (we inherited him so not sure of exact age). I sobbed the entire time because once you make the decision, it happens very fast. I think I should have put him to sleep weeks earlier but just was in denial and didn’t want to make that decision.

I think your DH has simply seen that your dog isn’t going to get better. It’s just going to go from bad to worse. Have a cuddle and a cry and see how you can say goodbye in a way that the dog loves.

It would be very unfair to try to rehome the dog at that age, and to be honest I doubt she would find a home.
It also seems like she still has some quality of life if she only vomits intermittently so I don't think I could have her PTS.
I very much believe when you take on a dog you take them for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Find someone who can walk her for you if you and DH can't manage to find the time. There must be a kind neighbour or friend? Put something around the crate so if she poos at night it won't spread over the floor.

I'd be looking at diet initially and seeing if she has some allergies. They can come on at any time.
I'd consult a canine dietitian rather than a vet to be honest. I will look out the person I was recommended as they do remote consultations.
Is she actually unwell or is it just loose bowels?

On a practical level I would make sure her crate is big enough that if she needs to toilet she can without going in her bed. I have a dog that struggles to toilet outside and I have used washable incontinence pads since she arrived. Or use disposable ones if she won't shred them. But the crate needs to be big enough for it.
Is she actually incontinent as in unaware that she's going? Or is it that she just can no longer hold it?
I would also restrict her to places in the house with easy to clean floors for now.

OP has updated, the dog does not have poor quality of life. It just needs to go for more walks. The new food has helped with diarrhoea. If it eats leftovers of DH plate that probably unsettled it's tummy. Could you afford a dog walker once a day, maybe find a teen who would do it. My teenage son used to walk our elderly neighbours dog 3 times a week. He did it for 4 years until the dog died of old age. He said he didn't want paying but neighbour used to give him £30 to spend on his holiday each year.

I don't think you should get rid because of the wetting and pooing but if the dog is suffering and has no quality of life then it's kinder to put to sleep. Don't keep a dog for too long it's not fair. Your dh sounds very wicked tbh she's an old lady and she needs a lot of care

From the dogs pov, being elderly, deaf, finding herself crated at night and trapped with vomit and occasional shit sounds grim. Added to the extra disruption in the home, to increase a lot once your twins start crawling, which must be a bit overwhelming. Meanwhile you and DH have less time to walk and fuss her. Maybe stress is upsetting her stomach?

However the idea of having a shitting vomiting dig in your home with small children running about, playing on the floor etc is revolting. What if one of your Dc had got into this morning’s mess first?

I do agree that commitment to a dog means commitment. But once the dog’s quality of life and health are declining, and especially if they put the health of your kids at risk, then I think you have done honourably by your dog to say a gentle goodbye.

Has the vet proposed a reason for the dogs problems? You don't just get chronic D&V for no reason, something is causing it and it could be something causing the dog pain as well, something that won't improve like pancreatitis. In that case you would be better to PTS. I do sympathise massively with you, it's an awful situation. But it is of course in your children's best interests to not have dog waste all over the house.

@caringcarer where does the OP say last night’s pooing in the crate was after eating leftovers from DH plate?
i can’t see that anywhere

she also vomits intermittently.

mot dies not sound as if the GI issues are resolved

You had to delay expressing milk. Your babies should come first in everything that you and their father do.
I have had to face this situation with other animals including a horse. Imagine the conversation between me and the vet. Him saying "I can come to the stable next Tuesday morning or Thursday afternoon which would you prefer".

The situation with your dog will not improve, will it?
That is it. No debate. Dog must go.

Stress could cause the dog D&V. Maybe newborn twins are stressful for him as he gets less attention. Could you pop twins in pram and take them a dog for a walk even for 20-30 mins a day would help? See if that makes a difference.

Your dog's poor health could have a massive impact on your children. I'm actually shocked that you are in so much denial about how awful this situation really is. Honestly, I love my dog but there is no way I'd be able to cope in that situation, and I know my dog would be bloody miserable. I certainly wouldn't want to keep him going if he's regularly soiling himself.

I think if I was a dog, I'd rather be put to sleep than be locked in a bed full of my own shit all night. Put the poor dog out of his misery.

We actually had a similar conversation with our vet over urinary incontinence. Who absolutely agreed that 1. We can't live in puddles of piss, especially with a young child. And 2. Our dogs life is rubbish because she can't go anywhere with soft furnishings/carpets.

YABU. Put the dog to sleep.

So your husband is the one walking the dog, he has had to deal with the consequences of the dog's incontinence, and you are forgoing expressing for your babies to deal with the shit that your dog had been sitting in a crate with overnight.

I can understand his frustration that you are apparently refusing to consider potential solutions to the evident and pressing problems that dog ownership is causing you.

Given that your husband seems to be shouldering the lion's share of the care for this dog at the moment, have you suggested anything that might make it easier for him?

I am very much a dog person but honestly, this situation doesn't sound good for anyone, least of all the poor dog. People generally wait too long to PTS because it is a really hard decision to make. Have you ever heard the saying "Better a week too soon than a day too late?" In other words, let them die with dignity and not miserable and suffering.

The Biggest Mistake Pet Owners Make at the End

"...I counsel owners that we don't need to wait until every moment of a pet's waking hours are miserable before making the decision to euthanize."

If the vet can't help make your dog better then you really need to ask yourself if she is better being kept alive incontinent and stressed in a household that is stressed dealing with her. An animal PTS is not suffering. An animal that is being kept alive while miserable, unwell or in pain most certainly is suffering.

Give it some very serious thought OP. Nobody on here is in a position to decide or judge your decision because we aren't there. We can't see the dog or how ill she is. We can only go by your description and you don't want to PTS so likely you are downplaying how bad things are.

Take care, it must be a very difficult time when dealing with newborn twins as well!

I couldn’t abandon a lifelong loyal and beloved pet because as they’ve become elderly they’ve developed some medical issues.

It is part of dog ownership. He’s been through it before, surely he knew it was coming?

Having a dog live to a ripe old age is a privilege. Your husband is a monster.

Your dh sounds very wicked

Wicked? Because he doesn't want his very young children crawling through puddles of piss or encountering piles of shit in their home?

Lot's of guff about the dog's quality of life, but few people seem to be considering the children's quality of life.

I ADORE my dogs, would never put them down due to an illness that COULD be treated

But dogs hate lying in their mess after a lifetime of doing it right

So if he can't be treated then it's time to be put down as it's miserable for them

Your husband is a monster.

And now he's a monster for wanting a clean and safe environment for his children!

Actually I think refusing to consider euthanasia for a much loved family pet that has age related, untreatable medical issues that severely impact their quality of life is a bigger red flag. Death in nature is often cruel but usually quick. I personally think that once a pet has an untreatable medical issue that they wouldn’t survive in the wild, they have to have demonstrable quality of life not to opt for euthanasia. Leaving pets lingering and suffering is not loving them in my opinion. Leaving a dog sitting in their own excrement for hours overnight every night is cruel & neglect in my opinion.

I get that your pet is much loved and a lifelong commitment which must not be set aside easily. But surely your children come first? Dog poo can be harmful to children (which is why you have to pick it up in public places). I'm firmly with your DH I'm afraid - if the diarrhoea cannot be properly controlled by medical treatment then the dog needs to go.

I'm a pet owner by the way. I'd absolutely hate to get rid of my cat and I'm not particularly precious about cleanliness (I'm slovenly by MN standards). But I would not have young children coming into contact with poo, wee and vomit on a frequent basis.

It’s not part of pet ownership to keep an incontinent dog going to the bitter end. And your husband isn’t a monster - FFS, ignore people saying stupid things like that.

I know how awful the decision to PTS is. We lost our 16 year old dog at Christmas . He had a great QOL but then went downhill quickly and we knew it was the best thing for him. The vet came to our home and we held him in our arms and fed him some cooked chicken and a bowl of custard - then as we held him the vet put him to sleep in our sitting room. He wasn’t afraid, we were with him.

It was easily one of the worst days of my life.

But although it was so hard for us - and would have been much easier to allow him to go on and die naturally in pain - it was the best death for him and we did it because we loved him so much that we had to put his needs ahead of ours. We will always miss him but we know we did the right thing for him.

I do understand how hard it is - but the decision you face is part of responsible dog ownership.

Go to the vet , get a second opinion, be sure that you have explored every option to make him better. But if there aren’t any, don’t keep him alive until you believe he has no quality of life left, lying in his own shit alone and crated over night. He is an old dog, he has lived a good and long life. You have given him that - now you need to make sure you give him a good death. It is your last responsibility to him.

Totally agree.

As opposed to consulting rando's on MN who know nothing of your dogs actual health, you need to speak to your vet. If they're happy with your dogs overall health - and it sound like they are - insist on having the current issues investigated and treated properly.

OP the most important thing here is that your dog gets wakes twice a day every single day. Never mind you've got newborn twins, you should know better!

And for the person who kept a cat alive with chronic diarrhoea, personally I can't see how that cat could have been happy!

To the person suggestion OP pays for a dog walker, are you now in control of OPs finances? Not everyone has spare cash for a dog walker!

I'm sure OP and her family are finding this very difficult, anyone know what it's like to have newborn twins?!!