To refuse to get rid of the dog.

[Alfredo674]

My DH wants to get rid of our dog. At this stage I don't think he cares if she is rehomed, goes to a shelter or is put down.

She is a 13 year old terrier cross and up until a few months ago she was having a lot of issues with diarrhoea and causing a lot of mess in the house. We have very young DC and I put measures in place to try and sort her tummy problems (consulted a vet, changed her food, she now sleeps in a crate overnight so she is contained) and for the past few months her stomach has been better although she vomits intermittently.

This morning she had pooed in the crate but it had spilled out on to the floor, so whilst he sorted the DC for nursery I had to clean up this huge mess whilst I should have been expressing milk before my newborn twins woke up.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief. DH says he won't go through it again. In fairness he is the one who walks her although we are struggling to get her walked everyday at the moment.

Despite all of this I'm still very much of the opinion that a dog is a life long commitment. AIBU?

I agree with this. It's all about quality of life.

I agree with this. It's all about quality of life.

If the dog is still doing well, I would set up a better crate situation and hire a dog walker.

For the crate, If you have a utility room or other room that can be set up for easy cleanup, that could be easiest. If not, get a large crate. Then get one of those indoor grass pads or something similar meant for dogs to go inside. Something for the dog to use that that it doesn’t feel like it is breaking the rules.

You have to ask yourself who are you keeping the dog for?

I have a 14 year old dog with early stage cognitive decline. That is to say he gets a bit of separation anxiety first thing in the morning and in the evenings, but as long as his human is there where he can see me he’s ok, and I’ve made adjustments for him i.e. he has a blanket in the kitchen so he can come in when I’m cooking dinner or eating.

He’s on medication and is otherwise fine, still plays with his toys,goads the other dog to play, loves his walks.

But his condition is progressive and I know there will come a time where he no longer has that quality of life. And at that point i think that we have a responsibility to do the right thing by our animals.

Part of animal ownership is the fact we are able to take away their suffering quickly and humanely, and IMO we owe it to them to do that when the time is right.

I absolutely wouldn’t send the dog to a shelter. But I would speak to the vet about his quality of life.

I also wouldn’t rehome him just because I was fed up of cleaning up after him. I would be putting him to sleep because his quality of life was suffering and because he deserves not to live like that.

OP I no you have newborns but I really don’t think it’s ok for your DH to complain about her toilet issues if she’s not even being walked every day. Assuming the dog is capable you need to find the time between you. Does your DH agree that the dog still has quality of life? If so what is his excuse for wanting to pts? I’d have a serious issue with him wanting to end a family pets life out of convenience.

Your twins will be crawling in a few months. Can you be certain that the unpredictable diarrhoea will be manageable?

I think rehoming would be cruel. Then again, if you found someone willing to take her, at least she would be a lot more loved in that home than she is in yours. Sending her to a shelter would definitely be cruel. Putting her down shouldn’t be an option unless it is for her benefit, as in she’s in pain or miserable. Get rid of the callous H instead.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief.

This is cruelty and pure selfishness, there's no other was around it. Your poor dogs.

This is one of DH main points. Our eldest child crawled through dog urine in the kitchen a few years ago when we still had our older dog, I had been bathing the baby and didn't see the mess till it was too late.

A few months ago the dog had made a massive mess in the living room, I was at work and DH had to get the neighbour to come sit in the kitchen with our older DC whilst he spent 30 minutes cleaning it all up.

When you both decided to get this current dog after the last dog, which you say you should have been pts much sooner but didn't due to your own reluctance, did you make any agreements with your DH about what you would do when this one found itself shitting itself all over the place with no medical solutions on the horizon?

To be honest, and as kindly as possible, if my dog had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting that couldn't be resolved by the vet for a long period of time I would PTS. It's a massive decline in quality of life for the animal and also your family too. Poor thing must constantly have the worst stomach ache all the time to be having symptoms like that.

I think it's cruel to rehome a 13 year old dog. I would look into a dog Walker to take the dog out during the day

I've had my dog for years. I had both dogs at the same time. Older one was PTS three years ago

I think your dog is too old to rehome, so it is a choice between keeping the dog yourselves or putting the dog to sleep. Personally, I felt that one of my last duties as a dog owner was to make that difficult decision at a point where the dog’s quality of life had declined to a point where it was the right thing to do. Exactly what that point is, is hard to define. But from what you are writing here, it sounds like it is a discussion that your DH is thinking is due now. Maybe it is a bit too early. If I were you, I would start off with a vet visit and a health check. Find out what is wrong with your dog. It might be something minor, or it might be that it is time for the difficult decision.

Don't get rid of it , have it Pts if necc . At this point it would be much kinder than giving an elderly dog to another family. It would be so frightened in its twilight years 😔

@BattenburgDonkey The most she ever goes is one day without a walk and he is the one who walks her. Usually for a good length of time. She has taken outside to the garden at 9.30pm last night by DH and she did two poos. If she hadn't been out all day then I would of course be more understanding of the incontinence.

Okay, fair enough. But surely you both discussed how you would manage this situation differently should it arise again?

Can you see if you can find someone to take the dog out more regularly? BorrowMyDoggy advertises people who would like to take dogs out and it might mean the difference between soiling in the house and going when outside.

Quality of life for give dog is key here. But you also have to consider the needs (and priorities) of a very young child.

Sit down with your dh and have at least a plan on where to draw the line when enough is enough.

A vomiting dog with diahorrea- If ongoing, needs to see a vet urgently.
Nausea and vomiting is awful for anyone, human or animal.
Please take her to vets, to get her assessed.
If she’s terminally ill, far kinder to euthanise her if she isn’t enjoying her days any more.
Do not re- home her.
That would be unbelievably callous and selfish.

If your dh suddenly became incontinent would you seek to rehome or pts?
You can’t just get rid of a dog at the slightest inconvenience, it’s not fair.

Do you genuinely think OP would be better off chucking her DH out leaving her with her elderly and incontinent dog plus an under 5 and newborn twins?

The man hasn’t tied the dog up in a sack with a brick in it to take down to the river. He’s making very valid points in a very difficult situation. You could argue that we are lucky to have this option available to us. It ensures animals don’t suffer unnecessarily.

I wish you luck OP whatever you decide to do.

It mostly sounds like he doesn't trust you to know when the right to call it a day is, given your past form letting previous dog struggle on in pain so long. So he's over-compensating this time. And tbf, it doesn't sound like current dog's tummy problems are better, it sounds pretty rank, and like you have way too much on your plates with newborn twins and older DC and ailing old dog. Something will have to give and it's going to be the dog, but perhaps if you reassure him that it's not going to be a retread of last time and you will keep better perspective and, say, revisit the decision to keep the dog in six months time, and every six months thereafter, then he might back down from the hardline 'has to go'. Which may well have had more to deal with the stresses of dealing with a pool of dogshit.

Honestly, this sounds like a miserable life for that poor dog. You admit you should have the other one pts sooner. Shouldn't you have learnt the lesson?

Shut in a crate with its own shit, soiling on floors and not getting walked? What kind of life is that?

Maybe you need to carefully consider whose benefit you are keeping the dog alive for. Because it doesn't sound like the dogs.

Has she been invontinent her whole life? Because if it’s a deterioration/change then it’s clearly not just a quirk of the breed. It’s a medical problem that needs investigating.

she is not suddenly deciding that she prefers to shit in her bed. She’s doing it because she can’t help it. Does she have hip/spinal arthritis that means she has poor pelvic control? or a chronic infection?
whatever the reason it needs treatment or you need to reconsider her QOL.