To refuse to get rid of the dog.

[Alfredo674]

My DH wants to get rid of our dog. At this stage I don't think he cares if she is rehomed, goes to a shelter or is put down.

She is a 13 year old terrier cross and up until a few months ago she was having a lot of issues with diarrhoea and causing a lot of mess in the house. We have very young DC and I put measures in place to try and sort her tummy problems (consulted a vet, changed her food, she now sleeps in a crate overnight so she is contained) and for the past few months her stomach has been better although she vomits intermittently.

This morning she had pooed in the crate but it had spilled out on to the floor, so whilst he sorted the DC for nursery I had to clean up this huge mess whilst I should have been expressing milk before my newborn twins woke up.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief. DH says he won't go through it again. In fairness he is the one who walks her although we are struggling to get her walked everyday at the moment.

Despite all of this I'm still very much of the opinion that a dog is a life long commitment. AIBU?

[somebody2lava]

I LOVE dogs and have never been without them. I've raised 4 kids with dogs.

The best advice I've ever been given was when I bright my first pup home age 13. My dad told me that if it was my dog then I need to be responsible and that's not just walks. It's also vets, and knowing when to draw the line. It's our job to make sure they never suffer a second longer than they have to. I think it sounds like your dog is suffering and I definitely think it sounded like your old dog suffered too. I would have been quietly furious at a friend of mine letting a doubly incontinent dog with dementia carry on suffering. A dog wants nothing more than to please its owners and to receive love in return. and neither of yours were/are capable of that. Your current dog will feel the disappointment from your oh and you every single day. Please let this poor old dog go. I'd rather euthanise a year too soon than a day to late and I feel the same for people.

[lovelilies]

Sounds like your dog need putting to sleep! Why would you all suffer like this?
It's 13 and miserably poorly ffs

[DameHelena]

@Alfredo674

I can 100% accept that with our other dog I should have had him pts sooner. He was 16, doubly incontinent, confused, wandered the house at night and in pain from sore joints.

Our current dog is generally well, her tummy has been much better since I changed her food and now gets no treats or leftovers from DC dinner.

When I say struggling to walk her every day I mean because we are struggling to fit it in not because she can't walk, she can still walk fine and is not confused, a bit deaf but otherwise well. The vet just said that her breed were prone to sensitive stomachs.

I don't think what the vet said was good enough. I'd ask for another consultation that takes the issue more seriously or a different vet. If they don't help you out, try another vet.
I don't think you should have her PTS because of the inconvenience and mess of this, and if she's otherwise OK and just needs better vet care then your DH is being U and callous, IMO. If it turns out to be something serious that's really affecting her quality of life that might be different.

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

Your dog is locked in a crate overnight?
Poor animal.
I hope your OH doesn't mistreat the dog because of his resentment towards it?

[hattie43]

@violetglow7

I'd get rid of DH. Attitude like that towards a sick family pet is a huge red flag.

This and I don't say it lightly . A partners attitude to pets is everything .

[Choconut]

I guess you have to see how it goes - but if she's being left in a crate all night with her own shit then it's probably kinder to put her down. She may be very upset that she is incontinent and then being pretty much having to lie in it/next to it may be very distressing.

[oakleaffy]

@somebody2lava

I LOVE dogs and have never been without them. I've raised 4 kids with dogs.

The best advice I've ever been given was when I bright my first pup home age 13. My dad told me that if it was my dog then I need to be responsible and that's not just walks. It's also vets, and knowing when to draw the line. It's our job to make sure they never suffer a second longer than they have to. I think it sounds like your dog is suffering and I definitely think it sounded like your old dog suffered too. I would have been quietly furious at a friend of mine letting a doubly incontinent dog with dementia carry on suffering. A dog wants nothing more than to please its owners and to receive love in return. and neither of yours were/are capable of that. Your current dog will feel the disappointment from your oh and you every single day. Please let this poor old dog go. I'd rather euthanise a year too soon than a day to late and I feel the same for people.

Ditto.
We had a terminally ill dog, and she let us know when she was ready to go.
I agonised over when time was right, but the vet called to the house ( prearranged at diagnosis that she’d have home euthanasia when time was right.)
Dogs need their dignity.
A dog messing in her crate isn’t a good sign.
Far kinder to let them go if they aren’t able to enjoy their life anymore.

[FourTeaFallOut]

@hattie43

This and I don't say it lightly . A partners attitude to pets is everything .

Well it's a good job her DH didn't feel inclined to dump the op when the last dog was forced to solder on miserably.

[BattenburgDonkey]

@Alfredo674

@BattenburgDonkey The most she ever goes is one day without a walk and he is the one who walks her. Usually for a good length of time. She has taken outside to the garden at 9.30pm last night by DH and she did two poos. If she hadn't been out all day then I would of course be more understanding of the incontinence.

It’s not just about toileting, dogs benefit from a daily walk in lots of ways. Maybe you could compromise that you do some
of the walking if DH doesn’t want the dog anymore but you do?

[Barnybrown]

People telling you to get rid of your husband because you have different views to this are being completely ridiculous. Honestly - some of the people on this forum are completely mad.

You have small children who are being exposed to dog urine , shit and vomit in their home environment and have already crawled through it. This is a safety risk to your children.

Your dog has had a long and happy life but has lost control of his bowels. Go back to the vet - a different vet. Get a second opinion . Can they treat the dog effectively to stop this from happening ? If not, I am afraid I agree with your husband that sadly you have to seriously consider having him put to sleep. Do not take him to a shelter - nobody is going to rehome a 13 year old incontinent dog.

Responsible dog ownership includes not keeping an elderly incontinent dog going because you don’t want to let him go. And responsible parenthood means not bringing babies and small children up in a house where they are exposed to the risk of getting dog vomit and excrement all over them when they are crawling around.

[ClottedCreamAndStrawberries]

Dogs are a lifelong commitment but what sort of life is this for her? I’m hugely against crating dogs, I think it’s so cruel. Sounds like the time has come to let her slip away gently.

[TiddleyWink]

The thought of dog wee and diarrhoea regularly (or ever) in my home makes me heave. The thought of newborn babies and toddlers living in a house like that is absolutely vile. I’m far from a dog lover but I understand they’re a lifelong commitment. However there is simply no excuse for your babies not having a clean and hygienic home. Sorry but I’m with your husband and if my partner was content to expose our infant children to faecal matter on a regular basis I would probably reconsider our relationship. Never mind the poor dog crated in its own mess. Nothing about this is ok.

[user1471511979]

Put puppy mats or something absorbent around the sides of the crate maybe, and see if taking her out just before you go to bed helps her to not soil overnight

[CambsAlways]

If a dog has no quality of life and the dog is not getting any better then should be put to sleep, it’s very selfish to keep to dog alive just because you want to keep it here, that’s just plain cruel, I’d actually get a second opinion to find out why the dog is being sick now, yes I’ve had dogs for over 65 years, and I would try everything to get them sorted and well when poorly, if you are struggling to get her walked now it sounds as if there’s more going on with her.

[Alfredo674]

For everyone calling me and DH callous I feel I should clarify a few things.

I adopted my current dog from a charity, she had been very badly abused and came to us with lots of wounds from being chained up outside. We lived overseas when we got her and paid a lot of money to bring her back to the U.K. when we moved home a few years ago.

She has always been walked daily, pre kids DC would walk her for hours in the countryside, we now have 4 kids including newborn twins and it's only been since the twins arrived a few weeks ago that she has missed a few walks here and there whilst we all find our feet (DH is back at work full time and as you can imagine our household is very busy)

I've probably made DH sound terrible which is not fair as he is a lovely person, he is understandably very frustrated with the current situation.

With regards to my older dog, I'm pretty certain I won't be the only person who kept an old dog going longer than I should have because I loved him and didn't want to put him down, in hindsight I know now that I should have done it sooner but it's difficult to make that decision at the time.

[Bestcatmum]

I had my cat for 21 years and for 5 of those she had chronic diarrhoea. I could not have invited anyone to the house at all. But I'd never have dreamed of getting rid of her, I loved her.
But if the dog has to go then PTS would be a much better option than rehoming. You just can't do that to an old dog.

[FurAndFeathers]

@Alfredo674

For everyone calling me and DH callous I feel I should clarify a few things.

I adopted my current dog from a charity, she had been very badly abused and came to us with lots of wounds from being chained up outside. We lived overseas when we got her and paid a lot of money to bring her back to the U.K. when we moved home a few years ago.

She has always been walked daily, pre kids DC would walk her for hours in the countryside, we now have 4 kids including newborn twins and it's only been since the twins arrived a few weeks ago that she has missed a few walks here and there whilst we all find our feet (DH is back at work full time and as you can imagine our household is very busy)

I've probably made DH sound terrible which is not fair as he is a lovely person, he is understandably very frustrated with the current situation.

With regards to my older dog, I'm pretty certain I won't be the only person who kept an old dog going longer than I should have because I loved him and didn't want to put him down, in hindsight I know now that I should have done it sooner but it's difficult to make that decision at the time.

It sounds like your dog has had a great life with you. That’s not in question. The question is ‘is she having a great life now? Is it likely to improve? Can she still do all those things she loved?’

or is she going to spend the next 6 months being crated with her own shit, overlooked and sporadically walked until you come to terms with making an inevitable decision?

[Electriq]

Who does your DH think will take a 13 year old dog with tummy problems on?

If he is adament the dog has to go, do the right thing and arrange pts.

The emotional stress on your poor dog being rehomed would be horrendous.

[9thlife]

I did not get rid of my pet. He had a long term condition. Was a lot of work. Woke me up at night, did have odd accident but never crossed my mind to get rid of him.
im glad I never did.

[Strokethefurrywall]

I'm in agreement with @Barnybrown

Our 12 year old dog became incontinent and had completely lost his zest for life. We could have continued to keep him medicated (which he hated), but unless they meds were going to give him a new lease on life, we would PTS.

And that's what we did last year. There is no way in gods earth I'd have infants in a home with a dog with constant diarrhea- yes they're our pets and we love them, but your husbands point is completely valid.

Continuing to keep an elderly dog in stressful living conditions with a medical issue and little opportunity to be outside is cruel and selfish.

[Livelovebehappy]

I love dogs but appreciate how difficult it is when you have a pet which suffers with incontinence. We had a cat who developed diarrhoea and despite lots of vet visits, it was incurable. It was awful as we had to clean up the mess from our floor three or four times a day. The house stank, and we had two young DCs who we had to watch to make sure they didn’t tread in it. It went on for two years, and then the cat passed away due to something else. But looking back, I would never go through that again, so I do have sympathy with your DH.

[1Dandelion1]

The quality of life of your dog is the most important thing. Do they get distressed when these accidents happen? Are the happy locked in a crate overnight?

The advice i was given was the hardest to follow, 'better a day too early, than a day too late'.

I'm laid with my mine at the moment knowing i made them a promise to love and care for them until their final days, to make sensible and informed decision with their best interests at heart.

[BattenburgDonkey]

If your twins are only a few weeks old I would say the best thing you can do is agree with DH that you won’t be making any decisions regarding the dog in the next few weeks/months while you are sleep deprived and adjusting. Its probably just not the best time for big decisions and the dogs issues might seen more manageable in a few weeks/months, or you may have come
to the realisation together that her quality have has declined too much. Either way I wouldn’t have the dog pts right now, and obviously if you are decent people (which im sure you both are) then you won’t be dumping her in a shelter.

[rwalker]

Pts

[KangarooKenny]

I actually would get rid of the DH, but that’s just me.
When we get a pet, we make a lifelong commitment to give it the best life we can. However, if the elderly dog would be happier elsewhere due to a busy family home, and you can find that better home, rehoming might be an idea.