To refuse to get rid of the dog.

[Alfredo674]

My DH wants to get rid of our dog. At this stage I don't think he cares if she is rehomed, goes to a shelter or is put down.

She is a 13 year old terrier cross and up until a few months ago she was having a lot of issues with diarrhoea and causing a lot of mess in the house. We have very young DC and I put measures in place to try and sort her tummy problems (consulted a vet, changed her food, she now sleeps in a crate overnight so she is contained) and for the past few months her stomach has been better although she vomits intermittently.

This morning she had pooed in the crate but it had spilled out on to the floor, so whilst he sorted the DC for nursery I had to clean up this huge mess whilst I should have been expressing milk before my newborn twins woke up.

He says the dog has to go, so as not to drip feed we had another elderly dog previously that I refused to get put down despite massive incontinence issues and dementia, when he finally went it was such a relief. DH says he won't go through it again. In fairness he is the one who walks her although we are struggling to get her walked everyday at the moment.

Despite all of this I'm still very much of the opinion that a dog is a life long commitment. AIBU?

[Icanstillrecallourlastsummer]

@Alfredo674

For everyone calling me and DH callous I feel I should clarify a few things.

I adopted my current dog from a charity, she had been very badly abused and came to us with lots of wounds from being chained up outside. We lived overseas when we got her and paid a lot of money to bring her back to the U.K. when we moved home a few years ago.

She has always been walked daily, pre kids DC would walk her for hours in the countryside, we now have 4 kids including newborn twins and it's only been since the twins arrived a few weeks ago that she has missed a few walks here and there whilst we all find our feet (DH is back at work full time and as you can imagine our household is very busy)

I've probably made DH sound terrible which is not fair as he is a lovely person, he is understandably very frustrated with the current situation.

With regards to my older dog, I'm pretty certain I won't be the only person who kept an old dog going longer than I should have because I loved him and didn't want to put him down, in hindsight I know now that I should have done it sooner but it's difficult to make that decision at the time.

It's hard to know without the full details, but I wonder if you learnt any lessons from last time around. Because it sounds like you are doing exactly the same and hanging on regardless of the life quality of your dog. If your DH isn't a bad guy is he just being more realistic about your dog's health?

See a vet, regardless it is unfair on the dog to be vommiting and pooing everywhere. You need to resolve that one way or another - for your dogs sake too.

[diddl]

Sorry think i misread your post, i thought you meant the op would stay with the dog and it wouldn't shit the crate for some reason

Not to worry!

I suppose I was thinking if Op was within earshot she might have heard the dog wanting to go out.

Obviously if the dog has got to the stage it's not asking to go out that's different although seemingly unknown atm.

[maranella]

I'm with your DH, I'm afraid. Your dog is elderly (13 for a medium-sized dog is 74 in human years), and has serious continence issues that are having a very negative impact on your quality of life as a family. If the dog was healthy and he wanted to be rid of it, I'd think he has an arsehole, but in your position I'd put the dog down.

Dog shit in the house when you have small DC is dangerous, to say nothing of disgusting. It's also not very kind to keep a sick dog alive simply because you don't want to do the decent thing. Your refusal to PTS your old, demented, incontinent dog is testament to your unwillingness to do the right thing for your pets when the time comes. Well, the time has come and I don't blame your DH for wanting to end the misery of everyone in the house - dog and humans.

[SleeplessInEngland]

The husband isn't the issue here - it's about whether a very old dog with long-term health problems should be kept alive. That's your call, but I would take any vet advice seriously and have regular check-ups.

[inheritanceshiteagain]

Well you won't be able to regime, so it's only putting to sleep is the option. If it's every day I'm with DH but if it's unusual keep the dog

[DillonPanthersTexas]

@Herejustforthisone

I couldn’t abandon a lifelong loyal and beloved pet because as they’ve become elderly they’ve developed some medical issues.

It is part of dog ownership. He’s been through it before, surely he knew it was coming?

Having a dog live to a ripe old age is a privilege. Your husband is a monster.

'Your husband is a monster'

😂

One minute you are objecting to your incontinent elderly dog shitting all over the house, the next you are clubbing seal pups to death by the thousand.

[Bananarama21]

We had a retired guide dog who was put to sleep aged 14 she had severe diahoerra confusion and struggled to walk. It was a kindest. It sounds like this is the case here if the quality of life is bad and everything else has been explored.

[Mariposista]

Horrible man.
You know that at her age your dog doesn’t have long left and is poorly. She needs love, care and patience in the time she has left. Would he shove an elderly person in a home because they needed extra suport?

[wetotter]

I think you need a dog walker as a matter of some urgency.

It's simply not fair on the dog for its needs not to be met because of changes to the home environment.

Dogs need quite a lot of time and ego-boosting when a new baby arrives. As a minimum, they need walking

You cannot rehome a dog that age with that medical history. What it would mean is that your pet would have a miserable few weeks in a kennel before being PTS (for the usual strap line is 'never put a healthy dog down' and your dog is not healthy). That would be cruel. PTS should be done surrounded by love and familiar people.

So you also need to see a vet again as soon as possible. Get the GI issues properly diagnosed, and see if they can be treated.

In the meantime, get the crate on a large enough waterproof sheet, topped with puppy pads/inco sheets so that anything that spills is contained.

It is distressing for the dog to be cooped up for part of the night with its own excrement. Is there any way you can contain the mess differently? If it's a small dog, could you train to puppy pads? then at least the mess, whether day or night, would be in one place, somewhere not too inconvenient to clean and away from the DC? A hard floor utility room, which can be gated (rather than shutting the dog away from her human family the other side of a closed solid door)

[EilonwyWithRedGoldHair]

We moved house when DS was 5 months old, and our eldest cat at the time started pooing in the living room. With help from the vet we improved the situation but she did it on and off for the rest of her life, until at 19 she started having diarrhoea and was found to have probably bowel cancer.

Basically we managed by shampooing the carpets regularly, and later on when she had the diarrhoea, we carpeted the hall with puppy pads - she liked to have a bed in the hallway as it was near her food bowl, and she still liked a fuss and a cuddle which she got if any of were passing through. With painkillers and being careful what we fed her, she was still happy, though I think, with hindsight, we should have had her PTS a couple of days earlier than we did.

[ShaneTwane]

@Mariposista

Horrible man.
You know that at her age your dog doesn’t have long left and is poorly. She needs love, care and patience in the time she has left. Would he shove an elderly person in a home because they needed extra suport?

Why would you not? Thats what care homes are for.

[ShreddedMarmalade]

She's elderly and it sounds like her life is pretty miserable with constant continence issues and vomiting. I would do the humane thing and have her pts. I would also rethink my relationship as would lose all attraction to anyone who would happily give up an elderly and infirm pet. It says a lot about his character.

[Mariposista]

@ShaneTwane

Why would you not? Thats what care homes are for.

Only if they had advanced needs that can’t be met with a bit of patience and attention in the community. My gran is 91, can’t do everything she used to but no way needs to be in a home. She isn’t a danger to herself living alone, just needs a bit of help.

[diddl]

If the recurring D&V can't be sorted out then it's not really quality of life is it?

[Stompythedinosaur]

He has a horrible attitude. You don't get rid of family members when they become unwell. Pets aren't objects to throw away when they aren't as fun to play with.

Would he opt out if you or the dc had a significant chronic health problem?

[Paq]

@Stompythedinosaur

He has a horrible attitude. You don't get rid of family members when they become unwell. Pets aren't objects to throw away when they aren't as fun to play with.

Would he opt out if you or the dc had a significant chronic health problem?

This is unhelpful hyperbole. As much as I adore dogs, pets aren't people. We make decisions on their quality of life as they get older. We don't do the same for humans with the mental capacity to make decisions for themselves.

[WaveyHair]

@Stompythedinosaur

He has a horrible attitude. You don't get rid of family members when they become unwell. Pets aren't objects to throw away when they aren't as fun to play with.

Would he opt out if you or the dc had a significant chronic health problem?

Pets (including dogs) live for the day, they have little sense of future. Quality of life needs to be considered on daily basis.

Agree a set a time (1 month?) when you try to get the situation to improve so it is acceptable with the combined priorities of a young DC.

Tough situation which may call for a tough decision.

[NormalNans]

@Stompythedinosaur

He has a horrible attitude. You don't get rid of family members when they become unwell. Pets aren't objects to throw away when they aren't as fun to play with.

Would he opt out if you or the dc had a significant chronic health problem?

If I was lying in my own shit because I was confused and couldn’t control my bowels and couldn’t move and treatment wasn’t working I would prefer to not carry on. Allowing a pet to continue like that is cruel, and any animal lover worth their salt would make a humane decision in my opinion.

[HairyMothballs]

I feel very sorry for the dog. Being contained in a cage all night with its own diarrhoea isn't very kind. If the vet cannot treat the problem, and given the dog's age, and it not walking well it might be time to consider PTS. The dog's life surely can't be a very happy one.

[Dingdong90]

Have been through this myself so feel obliged to comment. Our dog was 15, she had been ill for 2 years and was on medication to treat vestibular disease,which made her unbalanced,dizzy and sick alot. She needed help walking for the last few months of her life and looking back, we should have had her put to sleep before it got that bad. But she was happy and that's what OH kept telling himself and why we let it go on for so long. It puts a huge strain on a relationship when your at loggerheads over this kind of thing . Basically you have to ask yourself, given the choice , would you be happy to be lying in a cage covered in your own shit ? My mum gave us great advice...with pets, it doesn't come down to quantity of life...its quality that counts and unfortunately ,we are the ones who have to decide when it's time. It would be nice of they lived to a ripe old age and slipped away peacefully on their sleep but that just doesn't happen very often. It's a horrible and sad situation to be in, I had my dog long before I even thought about having kids but when it's time, it's time

[IWasThere4Aug12]

As well as seeing a vet you could consider a qualified pet nutritionist. IME vets are not really trained in nutrition and may help to solve the d&v

[vicky46]

Yes, but letting a pet sit in a cage of shit and piss and wander the halls in pain is not a good character trait either.

[vicky46]

@vicky46

Yes, but letting a pet sit in a cage of shit and piss and wander the halls in pain is not a good character trait either.

This was in response to someone calling the husband a ‘monster’

[Purple52]

Have the dog PTS.

I’ve elderly relatives who in the same position maintained that if they were a dog/cat they would have been out of of their misery!

[LuckySantangelo35]

I don’t think it’s fair on you your DH your kids or this dog for this to continue

it will only get worse as the dog gets older and the twins start crawling etc

kindest thing to do all round by far is PTS