Finding out something controversial about family member

[Howtofeelnow]

Nc in case they’re on here considering this was a conversation today

Found out today a family member used to do something in the past that I believe is fairly controversial. I had no idea. I’m very strongly against the thing they did, and tbh think most (decent) people are.

no real indication they were aware I might be anti the thing they did. no indication of whether they’d ever do it again.

I’m really shocked and disappointed. I love this person but somehow can’t see them in the same way. I know people disagree about things obviously but I really, really feel like this is a conflict in core values…probably not making sense still just a bit 😨

What did they do?

That’s impossible to say given we don’t know what it is. It could be anything from prostitution to hunting exotic animals. Some controversial things are understandable, others less so.

Yeah um, too vague to give an opinion. Are we talking seal clubbing? Swinging? Football hooliganism?

Too vague

it really depends on what they did.
Whatever it was, was it a one off thing or a regular thing? It changes how you view them now but it was in their past. People change and grow, I’d try move past it. I know it’s tough seeing as you only found out about it but you can’t define people by their past and by your different core values.

Farting in public?

Absolutely not possible to say. Did they sleep with their long-term partner before being married, or use Worcester sauce in a “vegetarian” dish, or are we talking finding a terrorist attack, trafficking women, or something in between, such as claiming their partner was driving after getting flashed for speeding?

These vague threads are so annoying.

How can anyone offer an opinion without knowing the full story 🙄

YABU based on the fact noone knows what you're referring to

Fox hunting?

Your confusion and reaction is understandable, whatever it is. You dont mention whether this family member still holds the same views about it as they used to, but even if they do, people are rarely only ever one thing.

Take a bit of time and remember the good stuff too. There can be room for two things to be true of a person and its still possible to like and love someone while being on strong opposition to a view or practice that they hold...It's how most of us rub along after all.

Too little info to really help.

A lot will depend on whether it's -

Illegal?
Abusive?
Dangerous?
Immoral?
Just not to your personal taste?

Fox hunting was the first thing that came to my mind

Do they put gravy on chips?

Put the milk in first?
Hired an escort?
Just BIT straight in to a kitkat without nibbling the sides?
Fox hunting?

Too vague.

Did they use a toilet brush?

@Ladybrrrd

Put the milk in first

Tea from a pot, fine; teabag / instant coffee - utterly unforgiveable.

Serve pom bears at a dinner party?

Did they put cheese then beans on their jacket potato instead of beans then cheese?

Quite frankly if we knew more stuff about alot of people we knew, what they've done in the past, their 'life style' secrets, well, we might not have many people left in our lives.

If they haven't done something majorly illegal (murder, rape, pedophilia) and they treat you well and with respect, then agree to disagree on their actions. You liked them before finding out, so clearly there is alot of good to this person despite previous actions.

Call their kid Jayze?

Porn star ?

Is it that they like going to Wetherspoons?

I agree with everyone that it really depends on what they did and when, and was it a regular thing or just once.
A lot of my relatives did things which I disapprove, that’s the thing with relatives - you don’t get a chance to choose them,

Used prostitutes?