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Original poster

Finding out something controversial about family member

162 replies

Howtofeelnow · 15/08/2022 00:12

Nc in case they’re on here considering this was a conversation today

Found out today a family member used to do something in the past that I believe is fairly controversial. I had no idea. I’m very strongly against the thing they did, and tbh think most (decent) people are.

no real indication they were aware I might be anti the thing they did. no indication of whether they’d ever do it again.

I’m really shocked and disappointed. I love this person but somehow can’t see them in the same way. I know people disagree about things obviously but I really, really feel like this is a conflict in core values…probably not making sense still just a bit 😨

OP posts:
EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 15/08/2022 04:29

Montague22 · 15/08/2022 01:51

Fox Hunting or Prostitution?

Fox hunting was my guess.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 15/08/2022 04:30

Why on earth would you think it's any of your business?

Cervinia · 15/08/2022 04:31

Threads like this are so annoying.

Hungryharriet · 15/08/2022 04:36

Far too vague. How can anyone comment if they don't know what it was?!

Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 15/08/2022 04:54

Just dropping my scone here to place mark.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 15/08/2022 04:59

Serial killing?

Dustyblue · 15/08/2022 05:00

😂at this whole thread

AuntieMarys · 15/08/2022 05:13

Vote Tory?

Riverlee · 15/08/2022 05:16

They did it in the past, and that’s where it should stay (unless illegal,etc).

Maybe they were young and foolish at the time, or changed their views on whatever it was, or reformed themselves etc.

Dita73 · 15/08/2022 05:22

Click bait

Nekomata · 15/08/2022 05:26

Misuse apostrophes?

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2022 05:57

Whatever it was, it was in the past so you should focus on how you feel about them now

FangsForTheMemory · 15/08/2022 06:10

Said ‘gotten?’
Put the milk in with the teabag?
Not - horror of horrors - left the washing out at the mercy of all those spider willies?!

And btw it’s jam first, you animals.

Diverseopinions · 15/08/2022 06:17

'believe is fairly controversial' suggests uncertainty as to whether it's bad or not, so probably not football hooliganism or prostitution or something clearly criminal.

'Used to do' suggests a job, otherwise, you might say ' used to have a habit, was known to, or sometimes did.....'

Is something financial to do with a job, more likely, such as running a high interest, 'loan shark' business.

onelittlefrog · 15/08/2022 06:19

It doesn't actually really matter what they did, my advice would be similar.

OP, I have some family members who do/ have done things that I don't agree with morally.

In that situation, I would make it clear how I feel about the thing.

If it's a core family member - parent/ sibling etc. - there is very little that they could do that would stop me from caring about them. Certain things might make it harder to connect with them or might make me feel less close but there isn't a lot that would make me completely disown them.

I think it's very personal and it all depends on your relationship with the person, but you might feel better if you tell them exactly how you feel about what they did. Tell them that you are struggling with how it's going to affect your future relationship. Then just take some time to reflect and see how you feel. It will probably be a slow process.

Diverseopinions · 15/08/2022 06:20

Prostitution isn't criminal - so not saying that is, nor is it bad or controversial, but maybe running a dating site for married people would be controversial.
Put money off-shore to avoid tax would be considered controversial, by many.

Sally090807 · 15/08/2022 06:25

Kinneddar · 15/08/2022 00:22

These vague threads are so annoying.

How can anyone offer an opinion without knowing the full story 🙄

This

PrayTell · 15/08/2022 06:29

It has to be the Kit Kat. 😂

TheGetaway · 15/08/2022 06:33

Let it go OP. It’s obviously nothing too bad as you say ‘decent’ people would be against it.

Too many people surround themselves by others who have the same thoughts, opinions and values as themselves.
It just closes you mind. I don’t base my friendships on religion or politics and find it so interesting to talk and mix with others who have different opinions, lifestyles or make different life choices to me.

mrsbitaly · 15/08/2022 06:34

Ladybrrrd · 15/08/2022 00:53

Put the milk in first?
Hired an escort?
Just BIT straight in to a kitkat without nibbling the sides?
Fox hunting?

🤣 love this definitely a crime to not eat a kit kat in the right way

Magicandspiders · 15/08/2022 06:53

What a pointless thread.

loislovesstewie · 15/08/2022 07:00

We all have feet of clay.

But putting jam on first is beyond the pale, and as for Marmite , deportation to the Antipodes!

PhryneFisher · 15/08/2022 07:01

My first thought was vote Tory.

Or they had some kind of criminal past. But whatever it is, if it is in the past, and they don’t do it any more, unless they have access to a time machine, I don’t know what else you expect them to do about it?

In my family, there’s a huge rift because a parent died quite suddenly while one of the children was living abroad. The older two managed to get to the parent in time, this one didn’t (despite his best efforts, it was just too far).
They hold that against him, despite the fact there is nothing he could ever do in future to rectify the situation.

So not really sure what you expect from them, tbh.

Helpyou · 15/08/2022 07:03

We basically can't comment without knowing what it is they've done. Some controversial topics have a complete divide in half whereas others sway much more one way.

kateandme · 15/08/2022 07:05

Op you can't possibly think you can start a thread like this and get opinions back based on absolutely nothing.