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AIBU?

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Original poster

Finding out something controversial about family member

162 replies

Howtofeelnow · 15/08/2022 00:12

Nc in case they’re on here considering this was a conversation today

Found out today a family member used to do something in the past that I believe is fairly controversial. I had no idea. I’m very strongly against the thing they did, and tbh think most (decent) people are.

no real indication they were aware I might be anti the thing they did. no indication of whether they’d ever do it again.

I’m really shocked and disappointed. I love this person but somehow can’t see them in the same way. I know people disagree about things obviously but I really, really feel like this is a conflict in core values…probably not making sense still just a bit 😨

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2022 10:51

I appreciate it's really upsetting to have a child reveal they are an estate agent but you need to be there for her and help her to get out. If you'd been a better parent this would never have happened.

Help her set up an onlyfans page or research local brothels- anything with more dignity than estate agency.

Bunty55 · 15/08/2022 10:53

OP you are not a very nice person are you?

changzi · 15/08/2022 11:14

Big game hunting in Africa?

Sex tourism trips to Thailand?

Benefit from a sugar daddy buying them gifts & paying rent in exchange for sex?

leicestermare · 15/08/2022 11:56

OP you said that you don't want to name the 'thing' because

"it would be outing to my family member who would recognise them self!"

So they'd scour Mumsnet until they hit on this thread? If that's the case they'll have already found it and know it's you writing about them revealing the 'thing' and that you're judging them. So you've outed yourself to them already.

Whereas if you tell us what the 'thing' is, you won't have outed your family member to us at all because we don't know who the hell they are!

Original poster
Howtofeelnow · 15/08/2022 12:07

@Bunty55 aw shucks you got me

OP posts:
DownNative · 15/08/2022 12:32

Howtofeelnow · 15/08/2022 07:56

ha some of these made me laugh!

It would be too outing to have said what they revealed, I thought that much would be obvious. Some of the responses have helped me think through what I’m feeling tho so thank you

to answer some questions, it wasn’t criminal. I have no idea whether they’d do it again because I was so shocked I moved the conversation on swiftly as I didn’t know what to say

it’s nothing to do with religion or politics -
I think they do actually vote Tory, which I personally think is unforgivable but hey, I knew that about them and understand we’re all different etc etc

i think the cruz of it is I don’t think you can support this and be a ‘good’ person which I know is probably too black and white of me but is my honest gut reaction

If your relative didn't do anything criminal, then whatever it is you heard which you didn't like does not necessarily make them a "bad" person.

Impossible for anyone to say much more given you've provided no real details or even an indication of what it is.

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/08/2022 12:33

leicestermare · 15/08/2022 11:56

OP you said that you don't want to name the 'thing' because

"it would be outing to my family member who would recognise them self!"

So they'd scour Mumsnet until they hit on this thread? If that's the case they'll have already found it and know it's you writing about them revealing the 'thing' and that you're judging them. So you've outed yourself to them already.

Whereas if you tell us what the 'thing' is, you won't have outed your family member to us at all because we don't know who the hell they are!

Journalists do pick up threads on here for stories so there is a chance it could get posted to a newspaper. Also, Mumsnet pick threads to post on their facebook page too so it isn't impossible that op's family member could see this thread.

That said, I am pretty sure whatever it is the family member has done is something done by many other people, so unless anyone who knows the op knows their username, I doubt it would be outing.

JemimaPuddlegoose · 15/08/2022 12:58

MiauzenKatzenjammer · 15/08/2022 09:57

Refers to her genitals as her noo-noo?

I like cheese scones with butter and apricot jam on them, so I have been excluded from polite society for years. I haven't missed it.

Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

leicestermare · 15/08/2022 14:06

@Frazzledmummy123 oh I know journalists pick up stories and they sometimes end up in the newspaper but the OP said she didn't want to name the 'thing' because it would out the relative. Which it clearly wouldn't because no one is asking for a name!

MrsMitford3 · 15/08/2022 14:24

leicestermare · 15/08/2022 14:06

@Frazzledmummy123 oh I know journalists pick up stories and they sometimes end up in the newspaper but the OP said she didn't want to name the 'thing' because it would out the relative. Which it clearly wouldn't because no one is asking for a name!

I think the OP meant that the relative might see it and realise it was about her because they just talked about it.
And would know the OP disapproved.
Of whatever it is-such a rare and specific tawdry thing that would make it immediately recognisable.
I hope it is something to do with pampas grass and wife swapping.

gattocattivo · 15/08/2022 14:39

@Howtofeelnow ...
Either YABU or YANBU

You're welcome Smile

kateandme · 16/08/2022 07:11

Liz1tummypain · 15/08/2022 10:24

Ok then, you’re forgiven by the liberal sprinkling of vinegar. This is making me hungry. I could murder for a portion of soggy, vinegar coated chips right now !

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It must always be swimming in vinegar.

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