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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH not to leave DS in the car while he pays for petrol?

306 replies

myhouseisafairycastle · 07/08/2022 17:35

DH insists on leaving our 4.5 yo DS in the car when he goes into the petrol station to pay. I have asked him time and again to take DS with him but he still does it. What makes it worse is that the car alarm is sensitive so he leaves the car unlocked otherwise the alarm goes off. DS also knows how to let himself sleep out of his car seat and the car. For context, we live in a remote rural area so pay at pump doesn’t exist here. He did it again yesterday and I’m fuming.

OP posts:
Bellezza · 07/08/2022 19:08

newnamefortoday · 07/08/2022 19:03

Thanks all. It’s good to know so many people do it/have done it regularly with no I’ll effects. When DS was a baby we lived in a different town where there was a car stolen with a child inside - it made the national news at the time. I’d imagine every parent from that town is now a little bit paranoid as it was a bit too close to home. I will relax about it and disable the alarm so he can lock the door. And when I say remote, we’re on the edge of the mountains and it’s an hour to our nearest McDonald’s or shopping centre. The nearest pay at pump is 20 minutes drive away so not really practical for every day.

Very sensible. To be honest, stories about cars being stolen from forecourts with a baby inside make the national news precisely because it’s so rare, whereas people get hit on forecourts every day.

mam0918 · 07/08/2022 19:08

This is overtly complex.

Why dont you switch the alarm off, then lock the door which should already have child locks on?

I mean your not SUPPOSE to leave kids in the car (could get kidnapped, carjacked, crashed into, escape or a fire could occur) however almost everybody DOES leave their kids in the car because it takes 2 seconds and is easier and these 'what ifs?' pretty much never happen (when was the last time you heard of any of those things occuring?).

Elmo230885 · 07/08/2022 19:08

At 4.5 your child should be able to listen to basic instructions and behave strapped in a car for two minutes.

FelicityFidget · 07/08/2022 19:09

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:39

So dangerous. What if someone nicks the car or there's a spark and a fire. Or kid gets out and gets hit by a car. Petrol stations aren't a safe place for kids.

Good grief Hmm

Isausernameavailable · 07/08/2022 19:09

Are you his boss?

Spohn · 07/08/2022 19:10

DS also knows how to let himself sleep out of his car seat and the car.

is this meant to say ‘slip out of’? So your husband leaves your kid alone knowing he can exit the vehicle?

WinterMusings · 07/08/2022 19:11

what? No mention of aliens yet??

Standards are slipping!

@myhouseisafairycastle take your DH a cold beer & apologise for being such a div to think your way is safer, & commit to not always thinking yours is THE only way to do things & actually there may be better way, & god forbid he might be doing things the best way.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/08/2022 19:11

Ah yes, child locks. Am assuming those are on?

misskatamari · 07/08/2022 19:12

The only thing that makes it unreasonable is leaving it unlocked when DS can escape. That’s stupid and dangerous! Locked in the car is completely fine. Just press the lock button again if the alarm goes off. It’s way safer leaving a kid safely in the car for the couple of minutes while you pay, than getting them in and out at the forecourt imo

mam0918 · 07/08/2022 19:13

bloodywhitecat · 07/08/2022 18:41

I have never taken mine out of the car to pay either, I feel the safer option is to leave them strapped in their seats in the car.

Yes people also weigh up the risk of a child geting hit in the forcourt on the way to pay which is actually a HIGHER risk.

Hitting someone as you pull out from being parked is statistically much, much, much more common than cars with kids in being stolen.

YellsiBabs · 07/08/2022 19:19

Download the Esso app and you don’t have to go in to pay, it’s like pay at pump but on your phone

Analcolico · 07/08/2022 19:21

OP, I have let my DC do all kinds of things that MN disapproves of - but I always took them with me to pay at the petrol station. Not easy when you have multiple children, but still better than leaving them in the car. XH didn't always do this, and it was one of my many gripes with him.

Teach12 · 07/08/2022 19:22

I've never left mine. Imagine you forgot to lock it.

I'm not sure why people think a child walking with their parents is dangerous to be honest.

saleorbouy · 07/08/2022 19:22

I think there's more danger getting all your kids out of their seats and crossing the forecourt with other vehicles moving. If your DH has the keys and he can see them then I don't see the issue really.
I get my kids to lock the door from the inside so the alarm doesn't go off.

Topseyt123 · 07/08/2022 19:23

I always left mine in the car if I had to go into the kiosk to pay for fuel. I always locked it, and the childproof locks were always set on the rear doors.

Somehow they have all survived and are now in their twenties! Quite how I sometimes wonder when I look at the things I did that were apparently such a big no-no. 🤣

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 19:23

Teach12 · 07/08/2022 19:22

I've never left mine. Imagine you forgot to lock it.

I'm not sure why people think a child walking with their parents is dangerous to be honest.

Imagine you forgot to lock it and...?

cushioncovers · 07/08/2022 19:23

I always left mine in the car 🤷🏻‍♀️

00100001 · 07/08/2022 19:25

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:39

So dangerous. What if someone nicks the car or there's a spark and a fire. Or kid gets out and gets hit by a car. Petrol stations aren't a safe place for kids.

How many fires are you imagining to be caused by a spark on a UK forecourt??

diddl · 07/08/2022 19:26

I think if your husband knows that your son could get out of the car then he should either make sure he can't or take him with him.

Does he often need to fill up when he has your son with him?

Could the whole scenario be easily avoided?

00100001 · 07/08/2022 19:26

Teach12 · 07/08/2022 19:22

I've never left mine. Imagine you forgot to lock it.

I'm not sure why people think a child walking with their parents is dangerous to be honest.

Because there's cars moving in and out in rapid succession in a small forecourt where visibility is minimal, due to other cars, and pedestrians are vulnerable.

Way more than a person locked inside a car....

00100001 · 07/08/2022 19:27

Analcolico · 07/08/2022 19:21

OP, I have let my DC do all kinds of things that MN disapproves of - but I always took them with me to pay at the petrol station. Not easy when you have multiple children, but still better than leaving them in the car. XH didn't always do this, and it was one of my many gripes with him.

Why is it better?

sicklycolleague · 07/08/2022 19:29

This is a really weird thing to get hung up on. My siblings and I (age range 28 to 10) would only have been in to pay with parents single digits number of times in total throughout our childhoods, usually to get an ice lolly. Pop the child locks on and it’ll be fine

Livelovebehappy · 07/08/2022 19:29

YABVVVU.

Teach12 · 07/08/2022 19:31

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 19:23

Imagine you forgot to lock it and...?

Show quote history

He got out.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 07/08/2022 19:34

Yabu, kids are far safer left in the car than walked across a busy forecourt!