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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH not to leave DS in the car while he pays for petrol?

306 replies

myhouseisafairycastle · 07/08/2022 17:35

DH insists on leaving our 4.5 yo DS in the car when he goes into the petrol station to pay. I have asked him time and again to take DS with him but he still does it. What makes it worse is that the car alarm is sensitive so he leaves the car unlocked otherwise the alarm goes off. DS also knows how to let himself sleep out of his car seat and the car. For context, we live in a remote rural area so pay at pump doesn’t exist here. He did it again yesterday and I’m fuming.

OP posts:
Bellezza · 07/08/2022 18:08

I think they’re safer in the car than out. But lots of places now let you pay on an app- can he do that?

Raquelos · 07/08/2022 18:10

Choose your battles, this one is definitely not worth fighting.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 07/08/2022 18:10

4 DC and I’ve NEVER taken them
out to pay for fuel. They only come with me now if they want something from the shop (they’re older)

FourChimneys · 07/08/2022 18:10

I doubt if my friend with triplets got them all out, into their triple buggy, across the forecourt to the shop and back, then back to the car and into three car seats. How much faff is that?

They are young adults now so survived being left in the car.

Bethany7 · 07/08/2022 18:13

I probably starter doing this when my child was about 4 and had many discussions with my mum friends. One friend worried that her child would be kidnapped but I never worried about that bit worried that I may fall in the petrol station shop and hit my head and am taken away to hospital whilst no one knows my child is in the car...
We all have different worries! But it's always been fine!

ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 07/08/2022 18:13

I'd be annoyed at my DH if they got my DC out the car to pay! It's absolutely bizarre that you want him to take your DS out.

Redglitter · 07/08/2022 18:15

Don't think this is going the way the OP thought it would....

Neverhot · 07/08/2022 18:16

I always leave mine in the car, much safer in my opinion.

bigbluebus · 07/08/2022 18:18

I never took mine into the petrol station. I could always see the car from the shop window and if I locked the door by putting the key in the lock it disabled the internal sensors

IcedOatLatte · 07/08/2022 18:19

Ontomatopea · 07/08/2022 17:39

So dangerous. What if someone nicks the car or there's a spark and a fire. Or kid gets out and gets hit by a car. Petrol stations aren't a safe place for kids.

Is that a Mumsnet record for a leaving a child in the car at the petrol pump thread, less than 10 posts before a weird car fire poster turns up

I cant imagine a life with that crazy level of worry about the most unlikely to happen stuff, how do you get through the days?

FatBettyintheCoop · 07/08/2022 18:19

Is DS a bolter? Are you worried that your DS will get into the drivers seat and let the handbrake off and/or get out of the car and run into the road?

Mine usually fell asleep in his car seat or stayed put but I know the odd child who will try to escape. If so, try to arrange to fill up with fuel when you don’t have DS in the car.

Or are you worried he’ll get kidnapped? If so, that’s verging on extreme anxiety and you need to get professional help.

Disneyblueeyes · 07/08/2022 18:19

I leave mine in the car. Always have. I often do when popping into a shop for something as well.
You do things at your own risk.

Nidan2Sandan · 07/08/2022 18:20

My local petrol station has signs up saying under no circumstances are children under the age of 16 allowed on the forecourt. Children are to remain in the vehicle.

So, you are massively being unreasonable!! Your DH seems to have a handle on his kids safety perfectly fine stop berating him for being a good parent.

Brigante9 · 07/08/2022 18:22

I’d leave him. Your Dh needs to learn the trick re turning off the internal sensor: ours is easy-turn off the car then turn to the position one click away from ignition three times, you then have 20 seconds to get out of the car. If the light on the dash is solid, the sensor is off but the car is locked/alarmed.

HeckyPeck · 07/08/2022 18:22

I'm shocked at the amount of people who think it's ok to leave a young child in an unlocked car.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 18:23

under 16s aren’t allowed on a petrol forecourt. Totally normal for a dc to remain in the car and the parent can see from the shop. Although most are pay at pump round here now. You need to chill. I had 3 under 5 for context.

Echobelly · 07/08/2022 18:25

I never took my kids out - unless your child is given to running out of the car if unattended it's safer to leave them there.

woodhill · 07/08/2022 18:25

HeckyPeck · 07/08/2022 18:22

I'm shocked at the amount of people who think it's ok to leave a young child in an unlocked car.

What about if you locked the car?

girlmom21 · 07/08/2022 18:25

Put the child lock on and tell him not to get out the seat.

What's your fear? That he'll be kidnapped? That he'll get out and get hurt/run off?

NeedAHoliday2021 · 07/08/2022 18:29

@HeckyPeck how do you think parents buy fuel? Do you think they should march them from the car into the petrol station across the forecourt where there’s fuel and moving vehicles? Your approach to risk is bizarre to me. Ideas you use pay at pump or go without dc but that isn’t always possible.

Ponderingwindow · 07/08/2022 18:29

He shouldn’t be leaving a 4.5 year old in a car. Too many things could go wrong. Theft, child getting out of seat and leaving car, child knocking car out of gear (neighbors left sleeping child in drive, car rolled down long hill with child inside and crashed into a house)

ProseccoStorm · 07/08/2022 18:31

I always leave mine in the car.

Quicker for me, safer for them, better all round in my opinion.

bellac11 · 07/08/2022 18:33

Although doesnt this discussion just show yet again what happens when things are designed by men. Largely the concept for petrol stations/forecourts/planning layouts are done by men. Largely its women ferrying kids around and so picking up the petrol while they've got the kids in the car.

No need to pile in with your exceptions that you're a lady planning officer who specialises in forecourts and motorway service stations and that your OH is the one who does all the shopping and afterschool clubs, you must make up 1% of the country.

User0610134049 · 07/08/2022 18:34

You’re being OTT imo

AmbushedByCake1 · 07/08/2022 18:35

They are safer left in the car. More likely to get run over on the forecourt as opposed to a highly unlikely kidnapping/car fire/ eagle attack