In laws coming on our romantic weekend

[notyouagainn]

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

Stay somewhere else and let them have your dd at the cottage?

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

Can you book a hotel near the cottage for the night of the event? I’d do that. Or just be clear that you’d really hoped for a short break just the 2 of you

That is so shit!

Have you tried saying to them, actually you were hoping for some much needed time on your own as a couple and wood they mind babysitting at their place instead?

Would, not wood! Stupid autocorrect.

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

This!

YANBU but in these circumstances I wouldn't ask to borrow the cottage from them -- as you say, you can't ask them not to come.
Cqould you find a nice Air Bnb instead? Or a Premier Inn?

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

I like this plan!!!!!

If they don't have your DC very often perhaps 2 nights is too much for them.

Of course it's unfair if they have their other grandson much more often, but nothing you can do about that.

I'd suggest that your DH talks to them and explains that the two of you were hoping for some child-free time, but if 2 nights are too much you could stick to 1 night.

Maybe you could get a hotel or B&B near the venue for 1 night? Join the in-laws and your DD at their cottage for 1 night?

Maybe you should have worded your request to use the holiday cottage better? Had you perhaps said, we're thinking of having a romantic weekend for just the two of us at the cottage on such and such a weekend, would that be OK? Then if they agreed, you could have asked if they would you be willing to babysit little one while you were gone. Just a thought.

Love @AssignedBlobbyAtBirth plan!
Op yanbu. People will coke along to tell you you’re a cheeky cow for borrowing tbh wit cottage and heaven forbid that a child’s grandparents should ever look after the child for a night 🙄 but in real life that’s what families do. And couple time is really important. Good luck x

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

^^
This! Or at the very least can you ring and tell them what you were looking forward to was a romantic weekend alone?

Maybe they’re trying to get away from the other dgc / BIL/ SIL for a weekend by getting away though!

I mean your DH ring not you

Just stay somewhere else. And pay for it.

Could you book somewhere nearby?

Your DH needs to sort this out - NOW!

Drop them and the kids off at the cottage then go and saty in the boutique hotel you have just looked up!

Or get DH to do the decent thing and tell his mum she is encroaching on his 'adult time'

@Pottedpalm

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.

Ungrateful for what? They agreed to babysit now have decided they will gatecrash instead.

That's annoying! DP needs to have a word though and explain that you were hoping for some time to yourselves. I would suggest you look at hotels so they can go to the cottage if they really want, or rearrange it for 1 night if 2 would be too much for them. You can offer these 2 solutions if they're not agreeable to having the kids at home for the weekend.

I'd say you were hoping to have a weekend away kid free so if they were still OK to have the kids, you'll book a b and b instead for you and husband to stay in.

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

Excellent plan

Although he may as well say “we want to shag to our hearts content without parents listening”. Actually maybe he should just say that

Do you think they are trying to get out of babysitting or just want to spend time with you? If it's the latter, might need a different approach

@Whaleandsnail6

I'd say you were hoping to have a weekend away kid free so if they were still OK to have the kids, you'll book a b and b instead for you and husband to stay in.

I don't think I could be that polite to someone who had just invited themselves to my weekend away. Shaggathon or not!