Page 6 | In laws coming on our romantic weekend

notyouagainn · 2022-01-16T19:05:49+00:00

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

LovedayCL · 17/01/2022 00:56

Wait - so they’d bring 2yo nephew too and you’d be babysitting him basically, as I’m getting up early etc? ARGH NO!

I bet they’re exhausted with looking after a two year old all the time but I’d rather not do the weekend away at all than this.

backtolifebacktoreality · 17/01/2022 01:02

Your husband should tell them that he wanted to take you away for a weekend to give you a break away from the kids and so you can have some time to yourself!

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 06:30

@sweetbutapshyco

Tbh If it was me I would rather cancel the whole thing or take my DD with me instead on relying on others. And that is also why I have never asked anyone for help with my child. I know my inlaws help their other grand kids now but mine was the first grandkid they had and wantd me to leave her with them so that they could spend one on one tie with her. I did once for a few hours...they didn't even give her water or food during that time as they were too busy "playing with her". After that I stopped expecting anything from them. They now change nappies and feed other grand kids but not my child, I am always there when she is there.

As for help with child care, I know you don't trust others with your child, but you have to. People who are paid will probably be better than family. don't you have any kids in your daughter's class who have nannies? Some of the nannies also baby sit outside their working hours. My child's friend has a nanny and we have had play dates so my dd is close to her. We have discussed her looking after my DD if we ever need help. So look for other options. There is also a website called kuru kids who provide baby sitting services. A friend of ours used them to have their kids picked and dropped off to school.

Very similar dd was first and they acted like they had never held a baby before. Very different with dgs. We are working class no one where we live has a nanny. (Pil are also working class they just got a good redundancy payout that paid for cottage)

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Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 06:31

@HardbackWriter

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members...

Romantic as in dates, time alone etc

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Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 06:32

@amusedbush

I guess they are at liberty to go to their cottage whenever they want but them tagging along for this is so tone deaf it's incredible. It definitely sounds like they are trying to do the absolute bare minimum in terms of babysitting, which is really unfair when they seem to basically coparent your DN.

To the people who say this is entitled or ungrateful: fucking right I wouldn't be grateful for a begrudged, half-arsed favour that completely changes the whole experience! I'd honestly rather not go.

I hope you can get it cleared up or sort alternative accommodation.

This - thank you 😊

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pictish · 17/01/2022 07:01

I agree with you as well OP. If you’d have wanted a weekend away with the in laws you’d have planned one. The whole weekend is up the pole owing to them muscling in on it. Yes, it’s their house and yes, they can spend the weekend there. Just a shame they chose to. I’d be pissed off.

Snoken · 17/01/2022 07:23

It could also be how your DH worded the question to them. If he said: We want to go and watch this show, but we can't bring DD with us, would you mind looking after her and can we stay in your cottage as it's near? They might have thought you only wanted them to watch her whilst at the show, and not that you wanted a whole weekend without her.

But honestly, just speak to them. Both sides are just making assumptions, and it's causing unnecessary misunderstandings. If you can't speak openly to family, I don't know who you can.

Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 07:27

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

This

Juniper68 · 17/01/2022 09:20

Are you sure your friends won't have her to stay? I would imagine an 8 year old girl is easy enough? Have you asked them? I would if it was my friend's dd.

PikachuAndMe · 17/01/2022 10:16

If your ILs are bringing a 2 yo will you be expected to help look after them and get up with the 2yo in the morning? F*ck that.

I would ask parents of DC's school friends if they would mind having a sleepover ( and of course you will have their child one night).

sanityisamyth · 17/01/2022 10:30

My husband, when we were newly weds, decided that our honeymoon should be at my dad's house, and he made me drive there (he didn't drive) but didn't tell me where we were going ...

LettertoHermoine · 17/01/2022 10:41

This could have been completely avoided had you actually booked and paid for a hotel but instead you wanted free accommodation from your in law's, free babysitting for the entire weekend and them not to go to their own cottage to do it. You cannot have it every way.

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 10:58

@LettertoHermoine

This could have been completely avoided had you actually booked and paid for a hotel but instead you wanted free accommodation from your in law's, free babysitting for the entire weekend and them not to go to their own cottage to do it. You cannot have it every way.

We asked for babysitting first is it unreasonable to ask grandparents to babysit? We mentioned cottage as it's close to venue but we were not worried either way if they said no we would have booked a hotel for the night.

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Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 11:07

@LettertoHermoine

This could have been completely avoided had you actually booked and paid for a hotel but instead you wanted free accommodation from your in law's, free babysitting for the entire weekend and them not to go to their own cottage to do it. You cannot have it every way.

Why not?

Seriously is it really a big ask to have grandparents babysit for a weekend and understand that a couple want to enjoy some time alone?

I would do it in a heart beat!

Blossomtoes · 17/01/2022 11:28

@LettertoHermoine

This could have been completely avoided had you actually booked and paid for a hotel but instead you wanted free accommodation from your in law's, free babysitting for the entire weekend and them not to go to their own cottage to do it. You cannot have it every way.

Exactly this. Probably what the ILs thought too.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/01/2022 11:33

It sounds like they just don't want a full weekend looking after your child tbh

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/01/2022 11:59

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members.

Yes, most people from our teenage years find the idea of mum and dad doing it 'ew!', and when the kids are old enough, I'm sure the same applies in reverse.

They still know where babies come from, and what couples have a tendency to do when they share the same bed.

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 12:00

@AryaStarkWolf

It sounds like they just don't want a full weekend looking after your child tbh

Yes it's because we get about 4 nights off a year sometimes it's nice to have time as a couple.

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LettertoHermoine · 17/01/2022 12:01

We asked for babysitting first is it unreasonable to ask grandparents to babysit? We mentioned cottage as it's close to venue but we were not worried either way if they said no we would have booked a hotel for the night

Absolutely not unreasonable to ask grandparents to babysit. Absolutely unreasonable to ask them for the use of THEIR cottage, expect them to babysit your daughter for the whole weekend and ban them from doing it in the cottage you are "borrowing" from them because it's cheaper than paying for a hotel.
Had you booked a hotel instead of using the cottage you would be getting your all important couple weekend and they would be babysitting.
You cannot ask them for mind your daughter all weekend and then dictate to them where they do this?
Splash out and book a hotel and this whole situation rectifies itself!!!

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 12:01

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members.

Yes, most people from our teenage years find the idea of mum and dad doing it 'ew!', and when the kids are old enough, I'm sure the same applies in reverse.

They still know where babies come from, and what couples have a tendency to do when they share the same bed.

We didn't say a romantic weekend to them! We just asked to stay there for weekend. And why does romantic mean sex marathon 😂😂😂

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CrimbleCrumble1 · 17/01/2022 12:16

Pay for a hotel and pay for the occasional babysitter throughout the year so you aren’t just getting four evenings together a year.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/01/2022 12:19

We didn't say a romantic weekend to them! We just asked to stay there for weekend. And why does romantic mean sex marathon.

Because Mumsnet is a funny old conservative platform at times. I chuckled at the use of the term 'wild'. And, upthread, 'sex dungeon'.

I was about to mention something about pearl clutching, but I don't want to give them any more depraved ideas ...

thenewduchessoflapland · 17/01/2022 12:23

Hang on a minute

You and your DH planned a weekend away together and was expecting your in laws to A.Babysit and B.Let You use their holiday cottage without asking them first and then making your plans?

Come on OP you should have asked them first.

SpookyScarySkeletons · 17/01/2022 12:31

@HardbackWriter you know a romantic weekend doesn't always mean shagging on the kitchen table 😂😂

ElftonWednesday · 17/01/2022 12:34

While it's lovely of them to have your DD, they obviously have very little emotional literacy to even suggest that or don't remember what it was like when children are small.

DH needs to have a word. If they want to use their own cottage and take DD there then that's brilliant and you will stay elsewhere, as this time you'd really like some couples time to yourself. You'd be delighted to all go to the cottage with them another time.