In laws coming on our romantic weekend

[notyouagainn]

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

@Pottedpalm

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.

I guess that depends on if you think gatecrashing someone else's weekend under the guise of doing them a favour is acceptable. What about giving a gift and then dictating how it's used so the recipient no longer enjoys it?

@Pottedpalm
I guess those of us who expect favours and gifts to actually be pleasant are all ungrateful - after all it's the giver's priorities that count eh? Bugger the recipient

@Classicblunder

Do you think they are trying to get out of babysitting or just want to spend time with you? If it's the latter, might need a different approach

I think it's the babysitting tbh she is older than my dn tho and easier! It's think they do that much for their dd that they don't have much energy to help us. They will probably bring dgs so we can help with him.

Either DH sorts out a hotel or just cancel.

Send your DH and the kids by themselves and have a weekend at home to yourself. It's not quite a romantic weekend away, but honestly it's great !

@RandomMess

Either DH sorts out a hotel or just cancel.

Nooo! Don't waste it.... if it comes to it, wave the whole bunch off and then enjoy the peace!

I would play DUMB and completely embarrass them. Leave them a message " Hi . Its just me, we were hoping to recreate our wedding night, You know , romance and sex stuff, are you sure you want to be there for this ? Just let us know if we need to book elsewhere.

I have had YEARS to formulate answers like this having had my mum in law arriving at 6am (having cut a key) on the day after our wedding to cook us breakfast. I didnt stand up to her then and it just got worse.

Very difficult but If your partner DOESN"T back you , either sex or marital status. Call it off.

Thanks for replies. I agree it would have been easier to say something at time. It just took us by surprise plus we don't want to hurt their feelings and they are doing us the favour and it's their cottage. I might get dh to say about romantic plans.

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret

This.

It’s their property, they can stay there if they want to. I’m a bit shocked you’re planning a way to ask them not to come to their own cottage.

Stay somewhere else and pay for it if you want the privacy.

Tell them you're trying to make a new dgc and need privacy

@pictish

Get your dh to uninvite them of course. What else? He can say whatever he needs to, to put them off.

Or will he not?

Uninvite them to THEIR cottage? I don't think so!!

Whaaaaat? @eldersis? How the fuckerty fuck could that get worse? That's awful

@bcc89

It's amazing how much can be resolved by actually just SPEAKING.

I'm so confused as to why you didn't just say, "we were hoping for a little alone time away from the kids, hope that's okay"?

^ this

Wow, so they agreed to look after your DD but your BIL would also expect them to have his son that weekend as well, despite them having DGS most weekends? Is that correct?

@Pottedpalm

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.

OFGS

Why on earth is it ungrateful?

‘ So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd’

That needn’t be the case: DH could just discuss it with his parents and explain his and your preference.

Just speak to them, tell them that you were planning some time alone.

They aren’t mind readers.

You moan that they do loads for bil all the time but do you ask them for help?

@MeridianB

Wow, so they agreed to look after your DD but your BIL would also expect them to have his son that weekend as well, despite them having DGS most weekends? Is that correct?

Yeah a few times we have arranged to see them and they bring dgs obviously we love to see him but he's only 2 (dd is 8) so harder work.

Maybe they enjoy spending time with you? Book a hotel room nearby.

Just talk to them?!?

Agree with the majority: get your DH to sort it out. They're his parents, surely he can sell a much needed romantic weekend for himself and his wife

Pay for your own accommodation.

Pay for a babysitter.

Problem sorted.

@ShroomCuppaSoup

Pay for your own accommodation.

Pay for a babysitter.

Problem sorted.

Happy to pay for accommodation. Would not leave dd with an unknown person. DH family is the only people we have for childcare so if we don't ask them we don't do anything as a couple. Didn't ask for advice just asked if it was reasonable to be annoyed.

Op ignore @Hesma and her nasty post, you don’t sound entitled or bratty