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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws coming on our romantic weekend

169 replies

notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 19:05

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

OP posts:
Original poster
notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 22:32

@MarieIVanArkleStinks I agree this is obviously not the first time something like this has happened and we seem to keep learning the hard way.

OP posts:
Original poster
notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 22:34

@Snoken sex dungeon 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 16/01/2022 22:36

@Comedycook

That is so shit!
Yes, wanting to stay in their own cottage - what horrible bastards.
Juniper68 · 16/01/2022 22:36

@AnnieLobeseder

As always, I remain baffled by the problem and the responses, and wonder why people don't just speak plainly to each other. Ask for what you want. And if the request is misunderstood, apologise for the confusion and clarify. This applies to all aspects of life, not just here. Why on earth concoct complicated plans instead of just having upfront conversations?
I'm with you. Baffles me too. But not everyone has our confidence sadly. Wink
piney07 · 16/01/2022 22:43

When I was 8 I was having sleep overs - me and my friends would frequently stay whole weekends with each other and i definitely had friends “come to stay” in a baby sitting sense as parents went away. This was back in the 90s though so maybe this doesn’t happen anymore

Tilltheend99 · 16/01/2022 22:46

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret
This is a good solution
AdultingInTheCountryside · 16/01/2022 22:50

@Pottedpalm

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.
F off
AutumnLeaves21 · 16/01/2022 22:53

@Blossomtoes yes actually they are, for suddenly wanting to stay the same weekend they have promised OP and her husband can use it. Smacks of a five year old suddenly demanding their toy back the second another child picks it up to play with it.

LettertoHermoine · 16/01/2022 22:54

@piney07

When I was 8 I was having sleep overs - me and my friends would frequently stay whole weekends with each other and i definitely had friends “come to stay” in a baby sitting sense as parents went away. This was back in the 90s though so maybe this doesn’t happen anymore
It does!! Very normal.
amusedbush · 16/01/2022 22:56

I guess they are at liberty to go to their cottage whenever they want but them tagging along for this is so tone deaf it's incredible. It definitely sounds like they are trying to do the absolute bare minimum in terms of babysitting, which is really unfair when they seem to basically coparent your DN.

To the people who say this is entitled or ungrateful: fucking right I wouldn't be grateful for a begrudged, half-arsed favour that completely changes the whole experience! I'd honestly rather not go.

I hope you can get it cleared up or sort alternative accommodation.

HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 23:01

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members...

RosesAndHellebores · 16/01/2022 23:07

It's their cottage.

Blossomtoes · 16/01/2022 23:07

@HardbackWriter

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members...
I agree. The place for romantic weekends is a hotel, not your parents’ holiday cottage. I don’t suppose it even occurred to them that was what the plans were.
sweetbutapshyco · 16/01/2022 23:19

Tbh If it was me I would rather cancel the whole thing or take my DD with me instead on relying on others. And that is also why I have never asked anyone for help with my child. I know my inlaws help their other grand kids now but mine was the first grandkid they had and wantd me to leave her with them so that they could spend one on one tie with her. I did once for a few hours...they didn't even give her water or food during that time as they were too busy "playing with her". After that I stopped expecting anything from them. They now change nappies and feed other grand kids but not my child, I am always there when she is there.

As for help with child care, I know you don't trust others with your child, but you have to. People who are paid will probably be better than family. don't you have any kids in your daughter's class who have nannies? Some of the nannies also baby sit outside their working hours. My child's friend has a nanny and we have had play dates so my dd is close to her. We have discussed her looking after my DD if we ever need help. So look for other options. There is also a website called kuru kids who provide baby sitting services. A friend of ours used them to have their kids picked and dropped off to school.

Tilltheend99 · 16/01/2022 23:23

@Blossomtoes adult married kids with their own have sex in second home shock horror! Have you alerted the press! If they are willing to desecrate an innocent cottage who knows what they got up to when sharing a room at PILaws house 😱😱😱

phishy · 16/01/2022 23:27

@Blossomtoes

I agree. The place for romantic weekends is a hotel, not your parents’ holiday cottage. I don’t suppose it even occurred to them that was what the plans were.

OP didn’t saw it was a romantic weekend, she said it was a ‘weekend away’, so they can have some child free time and see a show.

Even if it was a romantic weekend, so what? Sad that you put dirty connotations on everything. Why get your mind in the gutter?

3scape · 16/01/2022 23:34

It's their cottage, you're expecting free childcare. I'm amazed they didn't just laugh down the phone at you.

phishy · 16/01/2022 23:36

How sad that some people can’t see that family help each other and that that is a good thing.

InnPain · 16/01/2022 23:40

@ShirleyPhallus 😂😂😂

BurntO · 16/01/2022 23:43

Ooo some of these replies! 100% your OH needs to communicate but some people here sound very bitter at the prospect of you having free accommodation & free childcare that just needs a bit of wiggling to sort.

Baffled by your in laws tbh…definitely just say you’ve had a think and you were hoping for a romantic weekend but if they fancy a family weekend together you could look at other dates?

saleorbouy · 16/01/2022 23:51

Just carry on with your romantic night as plannedWink. If your in laws over hear your bedroom activities they might think twice about tagging along next time!Grin

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 16/01/2022 23:55

@BurntO

Ooo some of these replies! 100% your OH needs to communicate but some people here sound very bitter at the prospect of you having free accommodation & free childcare that just needs a bit of wiggling to sort.

Baffled by your in laws tbh…definitely just say you’ve had a think and you were hoping for a romantic weekend but if they fancy a family weekend together you could look at other dates?

^^ THIS
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 16/01/2022 23:56

They sound terrible, letting you stay in their cottage by the sea and babysitting so you can go out together. Bastards.

pigsDOfly · 17/01/2022 00:02

Some of the responses on here are crazy.

The OP and her husband just want to spend a weekend away together and given that her husband's parents have a holiday cottage they were hoping they might make use of it.

Yes, the chances are they will have sex in the cottage - shock, horror.

They aren't planning a weekend of drug fuelled orgies and satanic rituals.

Whadayaknow · 17/01/2022 00:26

Maybe they miss their son and want more contact?

It’s on him to sort this out. They don’t seem like they are lonely or invasive, maybe they just didn’t think or maybe they also have that one weekend free from commitments and didn’t think you might want some alone time.

Have him ask them, and tell them and deal with it.

I have a direct line to my MIL but don’t use omit for fixing misunderstandings, that wood not be fair on either of us.

Second holes are complicated - Does he have a history of not locking up or turning off the water mains in winter or other small yet big things?

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