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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In laws coming on our romantic weekend

169 replies

notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 19:05

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

OP posts:

ElftonWednesday · 17/01/2022 12:37

PIL have a second home and we have gone there while they babysat on several occasions, as well as going there with the kids and all together. It's not an unreasonable expectation or assumption to make. Time apart from the kids was very important when they were little.

BoredZelda · 17/01/2022 12:47

They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us.

And you agreed to that? More fool you. Simple enough to say no.

Blossomtoes · 17/01/2022 12:49

[quote SpookyScarySkeletons]@HardbackWriter you know a romantic weekend doesn't always mean shagging on the kitchen table 😂😂[/quote]
It usually involves shagging regardless of where it takes place.

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 13:02

@thenewduchessoflapland

Hang on a minute

You and your DH planned a weekend away together and was expecting your in laws to A.Babysit and B.Let You use their holiday cottage without asking them first and then making your plans?

Come on OP you should have asked them first.

We did ask them first

OP posts:

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 13:06

It's resolved it's self. The show is cancelled😞 so we plan to book something else. Not near the cottage. Thanks for many helpful and some hilarious replies. Now off to Google sex dungeons in a 50m radius 😂😂😂😂 🍆

OP posts:

RandomMess · 17/01/2022 13:09

Still go out for the night locally and have your in laws babysit. Good practice for next time

sweetbutapshyco · 17/01/2022 14:10

This is a time when you start building up your own support network apart from family. Do you absolutely don't have anyone whom you can leave you child with even for a few hours? She doesn't have any friends who can have play dates and can have her for a few hours?We have had friends come over for sleepover. I know it can be difficult to trust someone for over night but a few hours should be ok, no? and take it from there

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/01/2022 14:13

As @sweetbutapshyco said, use this as a kick up the arse to start building up support local to you. Find friends who will swap overnights, sleepovers etc. Work up to it, have lots of playdates, make it work for you and your DD.

HardbackWriter · 17/01/2022 16:45

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

We didn't say a romantic weekend to them! We just asked to stay there for weekend. And why does romantic mean sex marathon.

Because Mumsnet is a funny old conservative platform at times. I chuckled at the use of the term 'wild'. And, upthread, 'sex dungeon'.

I was about to mention something about pearl clutching, but I don't want to give them any more depraved ideas ...

Hang on, why I am the pearl clutching prude because I would expect to have a load of filthy sex on a romantic weekend?!

I would be interested to see how many people would say it was totally appropriate and not at all weird/gross if someone's PILs asked to borrow their holiday home for a 'romantic weekend' rather than it being the other way round...

Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 16:58

@HardbackWriter

I think you shouldn't have planned to use their cottage for a 'romantic weekend' in the first place - it's a bit grim for them to know that you're planning to use their house for wild sex, that's not how most people like to think of their family members...

I'm not sure why this would even pass through their mind? It's not something anyone thinks about is it?

We're lucky enough to own a holiday let by the sea, often have friends going there for a weekend, sometimes child free. I don't think about them having sex there, why would I?

As for the type of sex couples have, be it wild or vanilla, the thought doesn't cross my mind.

Extremely odd that you'd even think about someone else's sex life.

Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 16:58

@HardbackWriter OP didn't say it was a romantic weekend away she said weekend away.

HardbackWriter · 17/01/2022 17:02

[quote Offmyfence]@HardbackWriter OP didn't say it was a romantic weekend away she said weekend away.

[/quote]
It's the thread title? And people are telling her that her husband should tell her in-laws that they'll be having a romantic weekend with champagne. Again, I don't think people would think that was lovely if it was the parents who were asking to borrow OP's house for 'a romantic weekend with champagne'

cakewench · 17/01/2022 17:05

@notyouagainn

ah wonderful. My advice was going to be just book a hotel and leave them to it at the cottage. At least now you know that staying at the cottage has conditions (you will never be alone) so you can plan accordingly in the future!

Blossomtoes · 17/01/2022 17:06

I don't think people would think that was lovely if it was the parents who were asking to borrow OP's house for 'a romantic weekend with champagne'

That’s because most of MN think romantic weekends are the preserve of the young. They don’t think romance is possible if you’re old enough to be a grandparent.

Original poster

notyouagainn · 17/01/2022 17:20

@CuriousaboutSamphire

As *@sweetbutapshyco* said, use this as a kick up the arse to start building up support local to you. Find friends who will swap overnights, sleepovers etc. Work up to it, have lots of playdates, make it work for you and your DD.

Thanks I think you are both right.

OP posts:

pictish · 17/01/2022 17:22

@LettertoHermoine

This could have been completely avoided had you actually booked and paid for a hotel but instead you wanted free accommodation from your in law's, free babysitting for the entire weekend and them not to go to their own cottage to do it. You cannot have it every way.

Yes, yes…all of the above. Why shouldn’t they have it all ways?

rookiemere · 17/01/2022 17:27

Probably just as well the show was cancelled, as your weekend away now different from how you envisaged it.
Are you still hoping the ILs will babysit if you book somewhere else ?

Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 17:29

@HardbackWriter you think too much about other peoples sex lives

Offmyfence · 17/01/2022 17:32

@Blossomtoes

I don't think people would think that was lovely if it was the parents who were asking to borrow OP's house for 'a romantic weekend with champagne'

That’s because most of MN think romantic weekends are the preserve of the young. They don’t think romance is possible if you’re old enough to be a grandparent.

Most of mumsnet don't even think women enjoy and want sex! The amount of times the answer to a problem is "don't have sex with him again", like that only upsets the male partner and not the female.

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