Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws coming on our romantic weekend

169 replies

notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 19:05

So we live about an hour away from in-laws so we don't ask for much childcare just the odd over night every few months. The sis+bro in-laws use grandparents as child care all the time their ds goes there 3-4 times a week and they have him overnight most weekends. My in-laws also own a seaside cottage a couple of hours away. My dh and I really wanted a weekend away and saw tickets to a show, the venue being near the cottage. We asked in laws to have dd for two nights so dh and I could have a couple nights away and go to show. They agreed but then mil said they would go cottage with us. So our romantic weekend away is now a weekend with in-laws and dd and they will babysit while dd is in bed! From past experience they won't even get up in morning with her. It annoys me more I think because of how much they do for sis and bro in law. But I don't feel we can ask them not to come because it's their cottage. AIBU to be annoyed at losing our weekend away?

OP posts:
ponkydonkey · 16/01/2022 19:22

Maybe they don't want any more grand children 🤣 They are trying to prevent this

But yes I agree get your husband to do the romantic weekend away phone call

pigsDOfly · 16/01/2022 19:23

No you're not unreasonable to be annoyed at losing your lovely weekend away.

Yes, your DH could ring them and say he wanted to surprise you with flowers and champagne or, he could just ring them and tell them that you were both looking forward to a romantic weekend away for just the two of you; absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I think MIL is being a bit dim tbh if she thinks that it's a good idea to tag along on a couple's weekend away.

AnnieLobeseder · 16/01/2022 19:23

As always, I remain baffled by the problem and the responses, and wonder why people don't just speak plainly to each other. Ask for what you want. And if the request is misunderstood, apologise for the confusion and clarify. This applies to all aspects of life, not just here. Why on earth concoct complicated plans instead of just having upfront conversations?

Fatherliamdeliverance · 16/01/2022 19:23

@Pottedpalm

You sound rather ungrateful tio me.
Why does she? They've asked the in laws to babysit so they can use the cottage and get some alone time. They could have said 'no' if that didn't suit and OP could've looked at other arrangements rather than try and change the whole nature of the visit. If this is the best the in laws can offer (as in, having the kids 2 nights and days is too much) then they should say so.
IamnotSethRogan · 16/01/2022 19:24

Will he not just call them and explain? Can't understand families who won't clear simple misunderstandings up

ShowOfHands · 16/01/2022 19:24

If they're not weird over-steppers or unhealthily involved in your marriage, I'd assume a misunderstanding and quite a nice one. They want to spend time with you. So assuming you have a normal and healthy relationship with them, perhaps just ask/explain and see what they say. I'd ask to arrange a date to spend time with them as well so that it's not a complete rejection.

pictish · 16/01/2022 19:25

Get your dh to uninvite them of course. What else?
He can say whatever he needs to, to put them off.

Or will he not?

pictish · 16/01/2022 19:25

@IamnotSethRogan

Will he not just call them and explain? Can't understand families who won't clear simple misunderstandings up
Yes…this.
Holly60 · 16/01/2022 19:25

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret
This is a genius idea. Even better, get him to call her and say ‘mum I’ve just had an idea. Blah blah blah, what do you think? Do you think she’ll like it?’ She’ll bloody love being in on the surprise (I know, because I have an adult son Grin)
ShowOfHands · 16/01/2022 19:26

@TonTonMacoute

Your DH needs to sort this out - NOW!
On the way to A&E or...?
erinaceus · 16/01/2022 19:35

This sounds like a misunderstanding. Maybe your MIL fancied a weekend away with your DH, you and your DD -- could even be that she fancied spending time with the three of you separate from her DC and DGC who live nearer to her.

Can you explain your hopes and expectations to your MIL, and either revert your plan back to your original one, or schedule another weekend when you and your DH can have the weekend away that you wanted? I think that she does have some say in the plans because it's her holiday cottage.

Mostly it just sounds as if you need to clear things up.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 16/01/2022 19:40

They aren’t really being U to go to their own cottage.
I think the booking a hotel option is a good one.

Emmas85 · 16/01/2022 19:41

I never understand posts like this. Why on Earth did you or your husband not say anything in reply to them? There's no need to drag it out/add to the confusion as now they probably think you're happy with it and have changed your mind if you say anything!

AutumnLeaves21 · 16/01/2022 19:42

@CrimbleCrumble1 of course they are. They could go any other time, or have said no to the op and her husband borrowing it if they wanted to go on this particular weekend. They’re being very unreasonable and putting OP in an awkward position.

pigsDOfly · 16/01/2022 19:45

I think that she does have some say in the plans because it's her holiday cottage.

So because it's her cottage her son and DIL can only use it with string attached?

BunsOfAnarchy · 16/01/2022 19:47

No. No they are not ruining your plans or coming on your romantic weekend.
Because you'll be booking into a hotel instead.
Make it clear this is a weekend away for you two and no one else

Original poster
notyouagainn · 16/01/2022 19:48

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Get your DH to ring them and say he planned for a romantic break and wants to surprise you with flowers and champagne so please will they let you go alone and keep it a secret
Love it 🥰
OP posts:
Delatron · 16/01/2022 19:49

Sounds deliberate to me. Then the only babysitting they’ll do is once you’re out and the kids are in bed. Then they don’t have to get up early the next day either as you’ll be back on duty.

But it’s their cottage. So your DH will either have to explain that’s not what you had in mind or you book a hotel instead?

CounsellorTroi · 16/01/2022 19:50

Tell them the cottage only has one bedroom and DD will be in with you?

CounsellorTroi · 16/01/2022 19:50

Sorry ignore that. Didn’t read OP properly.

Hankunamatata · 16/01/2022 19:54

Perhaps they feel two nights is too much?

bcc89 · 16/01/2022 19:55

It's amazing how much can be resolved by actually just SPEAKING.

I'm so confused as to why you didn't just say, "we were hoping for a little alone time away from the kids, hope that's okay"?

Motherdare · 16/01/2022 19:56

Maybe they find your DC harder to look after and don’t fancy an entire weekend of childcare? I’ve never asked GPs to do this. There has been one overnight in the last 13 years! I don’t really expect child-free nights away tbh, much as I’d like one.

PlantBasedPlatypus · 16/01/2022 19:57

I mean, perhaps pay for childcare in your own home rather than relying on family. That way you will have to communicate with whoever is providing childcare and expressly state what you do / do not want?

LettertoHermoine · 16/01/2022 19:58

Just book a hotel nearby and let them stay in the cottage with your child. Problem solved. It's their cottage at the end of the day so they are entitled to go if they wish. Spend a little extra on a nice hotel room and have the best of both worlds.