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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boyfriend doesn't think I'm clean?

228 replies

pinkflowerss · 27/10/2021 12:13

This is gonna sound nuts but new boyfriend of 5 months.
He keeps buying me household items.
He bought me a cutlery set saying it looks like yours has seen better days.
Then he bought me a new pan as he said he couldn't cook "on my cheap pan"
Then last night he bought me a new duvet set and a tefal casserole dish.

Now I'm not gonna lie when I moved in I spent a lot on decorating and furniture that I skimped on pans etc

Aibu to feel a bit meh about this?

OP posts:
Hunderland · 27/10/2021 12:16

Make your car look a bit dirty Wink

Dillydollydingdong · 27/10/2021 12:16

No. You should be delighted. What a thoughtful man!

Theunamedcat · 27/10/2021 12:17

@Hunderland

Make your car look a bit dirty Wink
🤣🤣🤣
Whataday21 · 27/10/2021 12:17

Well it is critical, but hey, why not exploit it and see what you can get next? Grin.

If he's into cooking, I get that, cos I'm really not. The duvet set is a bit much?? Sounds like he's getting ready to move in more than anything else. He's putting his mark on your territory.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 27/10/2021 12:17

None of that has anything to do with being clean...

But feeling meh about it is different - is he expecting you to jump for joy every time as if he’s got you a brilliant gift?

If he’s just getting you some nice bits for the kitchen/home then I wouldn’t have an issue with that at all, personally. If it annoys you just tell him that you’d rather pick your own things for your own house.

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/10/2021 12:18

I would like this tbh. He’s upgrading your stuff which is great. As long as he doesn’t put you down and it’s given in a thoughtful way?

Lavender24 · 27/10/2021 12:19

I used to do this with my ex because he was a scruffy twat. Wish I hadn't wasted my money on him. Not that I'm saying you're a scruffy twat though. maybe your new boyfriend is just very particular. Just be careful he's not one of these that will try and demand you give them back if you break up.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/10/2021 12:19

None of those items are to do with cleaning though, they're household items not cleaning products. I think he's being quite thoughtful, but if you're uncomfortable with it, tell him there's no need.

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/10/2021 12:19

And as long as you like the stuff. Do you feel like he’s doing it in a controlling way? Like this is how it’s got to be. If so that’s not good.

missymousey · 27/10/2021 12:24

I would be very pissed off and tell him I found it a bit much. I'd also be wondering what else he would criticise, change and control.

clockover · 27/10/2021 12:25

I would find it invasive.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 27/10/2021 12:33

If he’s a good cook I can understand why he’d want a good pan to use. But actually I’ve realised I came at this too much from my own perspective of many years with DH. If a new boyfriend took it upon himself to buy stuff for my home without even asking me if I actually wanted it, I wouldn’t like that at all. It would feel intrusive and also very presumptuous as if he was allowed to just unilaterally decide what was good for me and what I should have/want.

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 12:35

Well I think it’s a bit much for this early and quite weird, but I also don’t understand why you think it’s to do with your cleanliness?

clockover · 27/10/2021 12:35

If he’s a good cook I can understand why he’d want a good pan to use.

Then he should buy himself a pan, not OP

WhoisRebecca · 27/10/2021 12:35

I had an ex like this. He would criticise my home and then offer to fix things or buy things, but in the end I just felt a bit crap about myself.

SheWoreYellow · 27/10/2021 12:36

I’d want to choose my own stuff. It’s a bit odd.

Willtheymakemegoonthemeds · 27/10/2021 12:37

send him to me, I need a new duvet set Wink

Original poster
pinkflowerss · 27/10/2021 12:39

@Bluntness100 when he said about my cutlery set being a bit worse for wear
Then I'm thinking does he think my duvet sets aren't clean enough

OP posts:
sbhydrogen · 27/10/2021 12:41

I like luxurious duvet sets, nice cutlery and I hate cooking on crappy pans. He seems like a thoughtful man.

PatsyJStone · 27/10/2021 12:41

He’s being generous. If you decide to be offended that he doesn’t like some of your stuff and thinks he can improve on it that’s understandable. But if it is an improvement on what you currently have can’t you just accept it graciously? As he’s happy spending his money. And he’s also using these things himself, as a PP said, he can buy himself a pan, well he could and he has.

LopsidedWombat · 27/10/2021 12:43

I'd not feel it was a comment on my cleanliness but absolutely would not like it, especially not just five months into a relationship. I'd find it rude and overstepping the mark. Tough one to bring up in conversation though! Could you just say that you know he means well but you find it a bit critical?

Pyewackect · 27/10/2021 12:45

Aibu to feel a bit meh about this? ........ then tell him and he can stop wasting his money.

sbhydrogen · 27/10/2021 12:47

What's the thread count of your current duvet set?

senua · 27/10/2021 12:53

Does he buy only household items? Seems a bit weird - don't you usually start a relationship with flowers, chocolates, small pieces of clothing (gloves, scarves) ...?
Household items is, er, unusual.

Original poster
pinkflowerss · 27/10/2021 12:55

He's bought me flowers,chocolates,a new coat,a top,a necklace
He's very generous
Now we have moved on to casserole dishes 😂

OP posts: