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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boyfriend doesn't think I'm clean?

228 replies

pinkflowerss · 27/10/2021 12:13

This is gonna sound nuts but new boyfriend of 5 months.
He keeps buying me household items.
He bought me a cutlery set saying it looks like yours has seen better days.
Then he bought me a new pan as he said he couldn't cook "on my cheap pan"
Then last night he bought me a new duvet set and a tefal casserole dish.

Now I'm not gonna lie when I moved in I spent a lot on decorating and furniture that I skimped on pans etc

Aibu to feel a bit meh about this?

OP posts:
LoathesomeLinsey · 27/10/2021 14:48

Dunno really... I like nice things too, but there's something a tiny bit patronising about a new bf buying them!

Not a total red flag, but it may irk me a teeny bit too.

I remember a cousin of mine dating her now husband and he was a bit like this, but but clothes and things. He'd replace her shoes with obnoxious louboutins designer ones etc. They're married now and live in a proper pile with fancy cats etc. She loves it, so sort of depends on your aspirations. They're both high earners and I think they were drawn to each other because they both really value...stuff! She's really particular about how her house is etc. She did change when they got together and that metamorphosis from fairly middle class but much more homely type to full on shiny type is now complete! But she's really happy, so it wasn't a problem. Bit of a ramble. Hope it makes some sort of sense!

UnsuitableHat · 27/10/2021 14:48

That sounds a bit weird to me. If you're uncomfortable with it, maybe ask him to stop, or check with you first.

LoathesomeLinsey · 27/10/2021 14:49

Fancy cars not fancy cats 🤣🤣🐈🐈‍⬛💲

Salayes · 27/10/2021 14:49

I gotta say as well on reflection only one man has ever started buying stuff for my house or doing things around the house without me asking (and I told him to stop) and he definitely was angling to move in with me.

His housing situation was precarious for a lengthy reason and sure enough, after I broke up with him he was living with a new girlfriend in under three months as he’d lost the place he was living in. So yea definitely true in that case no one falls in love faster than a man with nowhere to live!

midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 14:50

Ohhhh just saw about the bedsit. Have you actually seen it with your own eyes? Is it a bedsit or is it his mum's house or a grotty houseshare? Whatever it is if he doesn't like his living situation he should be using that money to improve it... but he won't... because he thinks he's moving in with you.

My god they really follow a script don't they

SirGawain · 27/10/2021 14:53

[quote pinkflowerss]@Bluntness100 when he said about my cutlery set being a bit worse for wear
Then I'm thinking does he think my duvet sets aren't clean enough [/quote]
Worse for wear doesn't imply that it's dirty.

Hankunamatata · 27/10/2021 15:03

On one hand its kind and thoughtful on the other a wee bit controlling and love bomb style

shylatte · 27/10/2021 15:06

He may just appreciate good quality products? I hate cheap (synthetic) bedding and cheap cooking utensils. Send him my way.

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 15:07

@pinkflowerss

We are always at mine as he lives in a bed sit and he hates it. So we stay at mine as it's "cosier" and "liveable"
He's moving in to yours Le Creuset by Le Creuset...be careful OP.

It would be different if you were both choosing things together and buying together.. But he is taking over your existing home to move himself into the standards to which he wishes to be acustomed.

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 15:07

*accustomed

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 27/10/2021 15:10

Sack him, OP! He's creeping me out from here!

saleorbouy · 27/10/2021 15:11

What a nice guy. I must admit I hate cooking with cheap lightweight pans where everything burns on them. I also like sharp, quality knives.
Take it as a good sign OP, he's in for the long haul and is feathering his nest!

LongjohnSylvia · 27/10/2021 15:18

@saleorbouy

What a nice guy. I must admit I hate cooking with cheap lightweight pans where everything burns on them. I also like sharp, quality knives. Take it as a good sign OP, he's in for the long haul and is feathering his nest!
Only a good sign if he's planning on giving equally towards the nest! Not so good if it's a case of "nobody falls in love quicker than a man with nowhere to live", as already mentioned^^
user1471538283 · 27/10/2021 15:21

He is just trying to treat you. I've had all sorts of shit over the years from boyfriends. None of them have got that I've got what I've got because I am particular. I don't want to be bought household stuff at all.

Tell him you could do with some more perfume or something!

user1471538283 · 27/10/2021 15:22

Oh god I am wrong. He is moving in by stealth!

EmmaMaya · 27/10/2021 15:31

Have you seen the bedsit?

Honestly I have been there and would say its a red flag for me. He is trying to mark his presence at your place. He will be moving himself in soon ... wait and see ( or don't - leave him would be my advice).

midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 15:33

@saleorbouy

What a nice guy. I must admit I hate cooking with cheap lightweight pans where everything burns on them. I also like sharp, quality knives. Take it as a good sign OP, he's in for the long haul and is feathering his nest!
It's not his nest to feather!
FooFighter99 · 27/10/2021 15:33

@Hunderland

Make your car look a bit dirty Wink
you win the internet for today @Hunderland Grin Grin Grin
tomorrowalready · 27/10/2021 15:33

Have you seen his bedsit? Why is he living there if he hates it? Do you know his job/wages? With the items being quite random I am thinking they have been shoplifted either by him or a 'friend'. does he smoke cannabis? I have lived in grotty bedsits where the neighbours have randomly offered items which had been stolen to support their habits.

On the other hand, I did once buy and have sent to my sister a complete set of cooking pans. It was a 2 for 1 deal and I have known her all my life.

diddl · 27/10/2021 15:36

Hasn't he bought the stuff for him to use at yours?

Tulipomania · 27/10/2021 15:38

An old boyfriend of mine bought me new pillows for my bed soon after we started shagging dating.

Reader, I married him.

Katela18 · 27/10/2021 15:46

I don't really see an issue with this...if anything it seems thoughtful as long as he isn't doing it in a nasty or 'controlling' way.

When I met my now husband, I bought him stuff like oven gloves and tea towels, just because I noticed his were about 10 thousand years old and had holes in. There was no malice in it though

AnotherLongDay · 27/10/2021 15:49

Ha, my boyfriend does this, I just let him crack on. It seems harmless atm. I thinking you’re spending a lot of time somewhere you’re going to want to have some things around that are to your taste.

Standrewsschool · 27/10/2021 15:49

I would find that a bit controlling - He’s staking his claim and criticising you at the same time.

It’s up to you what cutlery, duvet etc you have, and pans are a personal choice. I would feel invaded by this.

It’s love-bombing via domestic appliances.

WhatAShilohPitt · 27/10/2021 15:51

I think his actions are well meaning and perhaps he feels like he’s caring for you. I’d only be miffed if the tone he’s using is critical - ie your stuff is crap and you’re shabby for using it. I would be happy for him to replace old stuff if it were me!

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