Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

368 replies

MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:13

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

OP posts:
romdowa · 24/10/2021 16:15

Yanbu 🙄🙄 what were you supposed to do? Drag Alan kicking and screaming into the mini bus? He is 23 years old and probably big enough to make decisions for himself.

SylvanasWindrunner · 24/10/2021 16:15

YANBU. He's 23! Why is his mum getting involved at all other than to tell him he's been a silly sod Confused

Catnuzzle · 24/10/2021 16:16

Alan is an adult. He chose not to get a lift home. YANBU. At all.

EmotionalSupportBear · 24/10/2021 16:16

Nope, YANU in this. Alan knew when pick up was and decided he didn't want to come.

Him being in the city when he's due in work is called the consequences of his own ADULT decisions/actions.

He's 23 ffs, why is his mother calling you?

Bagelsandbrie · 24/10/2021 16:16

Alan’s Mum is over involved. And crazy.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 24/10/2021 16:17

The mother is being ridiculous . Alan is a grown adult and should have thought about all that when deciding he was staying out

Isabellabasil · 24/10/2021 16:17

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

sunshinesupermum · 24/10/2021 16:18

YANBU. 23 year old man!

TrickOrTreat21x · 24/10/2021 16:18

YANBU. He's not a child, he's a grown man ffs.

CaddieDawg · 24/10/2021 16:19

Yanbu - they are an adult and so getting back and getting to work on time is their responsibility.

The friends clearly tried to get them home and you were told they were staying, not like you just left them standing there or lost in the big city etc.

The mum should be using this as a life lesson for their adult DC.

fleurbelle · 24/10/2021 16:19

I'd tell Alan's mummy to go pick her baby up herself.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 24/10/2021 16:20

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

Parental responsibility?? He's 23!! He also refused to be at the arranged pick up time so he forfeited his fare. Do you expect trains to wait for everyone who has bought a ticket but doesn't fancy being at the train station when the train is scheduled to leave??
0palescent · 24/10/2021 16:20

Alan is big enough to sort himself out. His mummy need to take a step back.

CremeEggThief · 24/10/2021 16:20

This problem of infantalising and prolonging childhood for adults is getting worse and worse. YANBU.

ErrolTheDragon · 24/10/2021 16:21

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

No, the OP said that they all know how much it will cost, not that he'd prepaid. And also 'I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.'

Of course YANBU, OP. If a grown man can't take responsibility for getting to the right place at the right time for arranged transport, that's his lookout. Maybe he should stay home with his mummy next time his pals go out. Hmm

NewlyGranny · 24/10/2021 16:21

No, if you miss a boat, plane, train or plane by deciding not to turn up, the carrier has no obligation to hunt you down and force you aboard!

If the person was under 18 I'd make an effort, but not for 23.

SylvanasWindrunner · 24/10/2021 16:22

OP said 'I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.'

Regardless of whether he paid or not, he wasn't there at the right time. If it was a bus, a train, a taxi, he would have been left. At least OP did a little investigating!

sandgrown · 24/10/2021 16:22

No you were not unreasonable . We went to a concert in a city and one of the lads got very drunk . When it came time to leave his girlfriend couldn’t find him . The driver waited a while. It had to set off . We were scanning the streets on the way out of the city and spotted him but otherwise he would have had to fend for himself . Your lad knew what time he had to be there and he could have rung the person who stayed there . His mum can send him the train fare if he has no money . I live in a tourist resort and meet lots of people who have missed trains/buses . They find a way .

pumpkinpie01 · 24/10/2021 16:23

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from his mother , my son has spent many a drunk hour wandering around cities by himself all his own doing and decision , just as this was Alan's ! He's 23 not 13 !

Learningatmyownpace · 24/10/2021 16:23

So Alan’s sister conveyed the messages that Alan wouldn’t be going home on the bus? YANBU

MelKarnofskyCrane · 24/10/2021 16:23

How embarrassing. Of course you’re not being unreasonable. What did you reply with??

Original poster
MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:24

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

He paid me £7.50 to collect him from his house, drive two hours and drop him where he wanted to go. If they had pre booked a taxi it would have left without him so I'm not convinced I was paid to wait until 8am when he did decide he wanted to go home (what would I have done with the others?)
OP posts:
DriftingBlue · 24/10/2021 16:24

Alan is an adult. He had a booked ride back at a specific time and he missed it. If he did not have enough money to get himself home some other way, he really couldn’t afford to be out socializing in the first place, he should have put the money he spent towards creating some savings.

Comedycook · 24/10/2021 16:26

How pathetic....what is it now with people in their twenties still being treated like children by their mummy and daddy? Decades ago, Alan would probably have been married man with a couple of kids,living his life as a fully functioning adult

PinkiOcelot · 24/10/2021 16:26

Definitely not unreasonable. He should have been there at the designated time and place.
How did the conversation with mum go OP?