To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

[MinibusLift]

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.
I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

[TatianaBis]

Yes Alan’s mum is nuts but we need to talk about why you have to give people lifts to get a quiet hotel room and a couple of hours sleep.

Why don’t you just book a night at a Premier Inn for yourself? What are you trying to get away from?

[ErrolTheDragon]

@Iamacatslave

I am Alan’s mum.

Oh good. So maybe you can ask Alan wtf the OP was meant to do with the other 10 people who'd turned up on time, doubtless some of them also needed to get some sleep /go to work the next day.

[Tistheseason17]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 sooo funny! He's an adult!

[Soontobe60]

No. He’s an adult and chose not to come home.

However, as you are taking money for these lifts you’re acting as a taxi, but an unregistered one at that. You are invalidating your insurance.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Alan's mum is bonkers, but...do be careful about how you deal with this.
It's one of those things that actually is a lovely idea and win-win all round; until someone complains you're actually running as a business so should be paying tax, have valid insurance, be dbs checked, go on safe guarding courses etc etc ad infinity.

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

@Iamacatslave

I am Alan’s mum.

If that’s the case then you are bat shit crazy

[Artie30]

YANBU. He is a 23 year old man. I mean I would get the mums frustration if it was perhaps a younger lad but at 23 he needs to be responsible for his own actions.

[AwaAnBileYerHeid]

Alan is a grown man. If he wanted a home, then he should have been at the designated place, on time. He chose to stay. Tell mummy that her grown man of a son stated that he was staying out beyond the arranged time and that you had a bus full of other people to get home.

[Cameleongirl]

His laughable, no wonder you wanted a moan, OP.

At 23, I was living abroad and my parents had no idea about my social life. I’d respond with a quick text that “Alan is a 23 year old man.” I couldn’t resist saying something, you’re being v. restrained, OP.

[sydenhamhiller]

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

No parental responsibility for a 23 year old!!

[Cameleongirl]

*It’s

[ChargingBuck]

YANBU

Alan's mum can drive the 2 hours to pick up her adult son, & get his hungover arse to work.

I mean obvs. she can't now, as it's after the event, but she's doing that ridiculous CF'ery thing of berating someone who is doing a very kind & time-consuming favour, for declining to inconvenience themselves further when a CF abuses the terms of the offer.

He's twenty-fucking-three & chose to turn down his arranged taxi.
What were you meant to do OP - go & feed him coffee & aspirin, & make sure he had a clean shirt for the morning?

[SisterAgatha]

YANBU. Just because he’s paid for the ride home doesn’t mean you should have to wait for him. A mega bus doesn’t wait for people. A train doesn’t wait just because you’ve got a return ticket.

He didn’t turn up for the ride back, he’s an adult, his mums needs to calm down.

[mellicauli]

He's an adult and he didn't want to go home. I guess it's easier to blame you than to address the real reason.

[TatianaBis]

@PackedintheUK

WTF is gong on at home that "a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own" is better than a full night in your own bed?

@Crunchymum

I also had thoughts on this.

Why are you driving for 2 hours at 3am (and this is the return leg of the journey - what time did you set off?) for a few hours kip in a crappy hotel and petrol money?

I assume you then dropped them all at their respective homes?

As a one off its a nice gesture, as a regular thing, it's odd.

Why are you driving for 2 hours at 3am (and this is the return leg of the journey - what time did you set off?) for a few hours kip in a crappy hotel and petrol money?

I assume you then dropped them all at their respective homes?

As a one off its a nice gesture, as a regular thing, it's odd.


^This^

[Siriisatwat]

@Iamacatslave

I am Alan’s mum.

Would you like me to pass you some scissors to cut those apron strings?

[ChargingBuck]

@Soontobe60

No. He’s an adult and chose not to come home.

However, as you are taking money for these lifts you’re acting as a taxi, but an unregistered one at that. You are invalidating your insurance.

Don't be ridiculous. People care share & pay toward each other's fuel all the time. It doesn't invalidate anything - OP is just getting the fuel paid for the miles she is driving as a favour.

[Whereismumhiding3]

Now you've had time to reflect, I'd be inclined to reply in text and block her afterwards

"Dear crazy mum,

Alan is a 23 year old adult man. He chose not to turn up at arranged collecting time with the 10 others, (we made enquiries/ ) and his sister told me he decided to stay out longer instead of catching the lift home with everyone else.
His choices are not mine to fix, please don't text me again. "

[SisterAgatha]

I’d have replied, “don’t be texting while you are driving! Or is it only other mothers who ate expected to wait for and chauffeur your (adult) son?”

[1987qwerty]

You 'believe' you are insured !!! Why would you not make sure by checking?

[SofiaMichelle]

I would have laughed at her - I wouldn't have been able to help myself.

You'd have to be on glue to think what you did was in any way unreasonable.

[boomwhacker]

I think we need to hear more from Alan's mummy

[Lulu1919]

Ps are you in UK ?

[MyDcAreMarvel]

At £90 it is a profit any hotel costs aren’t relevant, so you need to be declaring any earnings above the cost of fuel on your tax return,

[BigYellowHat]

Is Alan’s mum crazy??!! If she was that bothered she can go and get her own son. What a self entitled cow she sounds like and Alan sounds like a snowflake running to mummy.