To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

[MinibusLift]

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.
I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

[MelKarnofskyCrane]

By the way. What a bloody cracking idea when you have kids and their pals who are out all the time. Wee bit of cash and you know they’re safe.

[secular39]

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from his mother , my son has spent many a drunk hour wandering around cities by himself all his own doing and decision

I hope you are not condoning this behaviour and advised him. It looks very reckless to me and incredibly dangerous.

[ABCeasyasdohrayme]

He has probably spun his mum a story about how you are in the wrong to get her to take pity on him and pick him up.

Yanbu at all. When the drink is in the wit is out, but the next morning is always different when you have to face the consequences of drunk you 😂

[TrollsAreSaddos]

This isn’t really an AIBU as the OP obviously did what any normal person would do. I guess the OP just wants a moan

[MinibusLift]

@Learningatmyownpace

So Alan’s sister conveyed the messages that Alan wouldn’t be going home on the bus? YANBU

Yes, but on previous occasions (with other people not Alan) I have waited around for a bit (no more than half an hour) and left without knowing what they were planning on doing. I have also left my son in the past without knowing what he was doing as he didn't turn up and is an adult. I am not wanting to be a parent, it is just a mutually beneficial arrangement between what I thought were adults.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

Alan's mum is embarrassing
I wasn't living at home at 23 and 3 am was an early night!

[HemanOrSheRa]

If she was that concerned, Alan's Mum needed to transfer funds to him in order for him to get home for work, if he didn't have any money for transport. Then sort that out with her adult son and leave you out of it! Bloody nerve of her!

[Hobnobsandbroomstick]

Nah, Alan's an adult. I would expect someone over 16/17 to be able to figure out how to get a train etc back themselves from a city. Ridiculous to have his mum ringing you up when he's 23! Looks like he'll have to pull a sicky for work and get the bus or something home! Or his own mummy can go and pick him up. What a rude entitled cow.

[londonrach]

Yanbu. He an adult. I'd be tempted not to do this again. At the very least Alan isn't allowed a lift again unless he arrives with flowers, chocolate and apologies and if so you maybe give him one more chance...muck it up again huge no no.. No way drive two hours to pick him up after he refused the lift before.

[MinibusLift]

@TrollsAreSaddos

This isn’t really an AIBU as the OP obviously did what any normal person would do. I guess the OP just wants a moan

Alan's mum tried to make me feel that I was being unreasonable and I did begin to wonder, 3% think IABU . But you are right I did want a moan.

[Unforgettablefire]

Unless he’s underage or a vulnerable adult it’s not even his mothers business. Silly woman.

[HemanOrSheRa]

@MelKarnofskyCrane

By the way. What a bloody cracking idea when you have kids and their pals who are out all the time. Wee bit of cash and you know they’re safe.

Agreed! It's brilliant! It means they stay together too. Unless you are Alan 🙄😂.

[titchy]

Ignoring the obvious irony at the notion of Alan being infantilised by his mum coming from a woman who picks her adult kids and their friends up at 3am - yes of course she's being ridiculous.

But tbh the whole idea seems ridiculous to me - at least taxis and night buses are licenced - OP isn't. God help all of them if she has an accident.

[pumpkinpie01]

@secular39 each time I have told him not to get so drunk and it's dangerous, but at the end of the day he's 24 ,an adult who was at university for 3 years and has travelled around America , he is capable of making his own decisions.

[HoardingSamphireSaurus]

What did you say to her?

Something short and pithy, I hope!

[grapewine]

@CremeEggThief

This problem of infantalising and prolonging childhood for adults is getting worse and worse. YANBU.

This a million times. He's a grown man.

[Neolara]

Allan's mother is crackers. Alan has probably spun her a line about how it's all your fault, but still. Are you going to reply to her op?

[notanothertakeaway]

Alan's mum has a cheek

You're providing an amazing service. I hope the kids are suitably grateful

[TidyDancer]

Why has she even got involved? How ridiculous. What did you say to her OP?

YANBU (obviously).

[PlanDeRaccordement]

YANBU. Alan’s mum can drive the 2hrs to get her precious little boy if she wants.

[milkytwilight]

How did you respond?

[Notaroadrunner]

Alan's mum needs to cut the apron strings. Alan knew the rule about being there on time, you were told he was staying in the city and that his sister couldn't talk him into coming home, so I'd be telling his mother to fuck off and drive her own kids from now on.

[coodawoodashooda]

@CremeEggThief

This problem of infantalising and prolonging childhood for adults is getting worse and worse. YANBU.

This

[Learningatmyownpace]

I’d refuse to take Alan ever again when he asks (and he will) and I’d also be wondering why his sister hasn’t told their Mum what really happened.

[iloveeverykindofcat]

Is this for real?! His mother phoned you because a twenty-three year old MAN couldn't get himself to work in this morning and this is somehow your fault?!? If real that's absolutely hilarious. I lived in a different country to mother when I was 23. I'm almost not sure I buy this OP but if true, she is so beyond reasonable I can't even formulate an expression for it.