To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

[MinibusLift]

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

I have a 20yo DS and if he pulled this I'd be furious that he was suggesting it's anything but his own fault and letting him take the natural consequences, but I suppose it's possible his mother doesn't have the full story.

@titchy - op is doing her children and their friends a favour for cost rather than the astronomical fee a large taxi at the same time of night would cost. It's neither her nor there whether she's a licensed taxi or not because she's not offering a service to all and sundry.

Op, yanbu. I had similar arrangements with friends parents when we were that age. If we weren't at the appointed drop off/collection point we had to make our own way to our destination. I'd be considering whether Alan was allowed a lift again though if he's going to get Mum to complain. Would she have rung a taxi company to complain? Of course not.

No wonder Alan is incapable of getting himself to the designated meeting place to get home when he's clearly had his mum planning his whole life. Maybe Alan purposely missed his lift home as he's trying to escape his mum!

At the end of the day, Alan is an adult and you have no responsibility whatsoever if he chooses not to come home with the others. And his sister even told you he wasn't coming.

I bet Alan blamed you hoping that he wouldn't get a bollocking from mummy.

@titchy

Ignoring the obvious irony at the notion of Alan being infantilised by his mum coming from a woman who picks her adult kids and their friends up at 3am - yes of course she's being ridiculous.

But tbh the whole idea seems ridiculous to me - at least taxis and night buses are licenced - OP isn't. God help all of them if she has an accident.

I did think that but in my defence I would and have left my son when he didn't turn up, have never left my older daughter but then she has never been stupid enough to miss the meeting time. (It was the 18year olds first proper night out)

‘Alan’s’ Moyer needs to get a grip…. He’s twenty fucking three!!!!

YADNBU

That mother 😂🤣😂🥲

Not unreasonable to leave him but I would be v careful about this arrangement. You could be v close to being seen as an illegal taxi. It could all go very wrong if you have an accident and someone decides it was your fault and they want compensation.

Alan sounds a bit wet

mother

It would seem Aan gets his intelligence from his mother

Would she ring a pilot and demand he turns the plane around because Alan decided he wanted to stay asleep a little longer and not get the bus to the airport?!

She's being stupid. He's a grown adult. They booked a service and decided not to use it. 🤷‍♀️

At the age of 23, I was living with someone and travelling for business.

Alan is an adult, can make his own decisions and suffer the consequences of those decisions.

I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

You were very clear, so Alans mum can knock it off and mind her own business.

his mum is absolutely pathetic

I thik being told by someone (hopefully!) reliable makes the difference here.

If he was finishing a drink/getting food but on the way then that might have made a difference to waiting a while/leaving on the prearranged dot.

Yanbu - message back that you made it clear that this was a timetabled departure and that Alan is a grownup with capacity to either catch the bus or take responsibility for the consequences if he misses it. It will be a good life lesson for him if he has failed to learn such responsibility by the age of 23.

op is doing her children and their friends a favour for cost rather than the astronomical fee a large taxi at the same time of night would cost. It's neither her nor there whether she's a licensed taxi or not because she's not offering a service to all and sundry.

She's offering a pre-booked taxi service to various different people (not limited to family) for money. How's that different to me pre-booking a taxi and the driver just having me as their only fare that night.

As I said if she has an accident she could well be fucked - would her insurance pay out?

WTF is gong on at home that "a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own" is better than a full night in your own bed?

I'm embarrassed for Alan and his mother. YANBU of course.

Also, phoning at 8 when it's a 2hr drive away for a 10 start?

What was the fucking point?

She could have been on her way/there herself!

@Sprig1

Not unreasonable to leave him but I would be v careful about this arrangement. You could be v close to being seen as an illegal taxi. It could all go very wrong if you have an accident and someone decides it was your fault and they want compensation.

Actually, that's a good point. Your insurance probably wouldn't cover paying passengers, although perhaps ok if they're just covering fuel costs

A grown man made a decision to stay out instead of getting the available lift home...

How is that possibly your fault? It’s not like he was missing, he said he didn’t want the lift.

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

Adult Alan missed his train even though he had a return. Adult Alan is a fuckwit. Adult Alan's Mum needs to learn that if Adult Alan misses his prepaid taxi service its tough fucking shit and its not for her to act like a raging loon. Adult Alan will cope. Just as thousands of other Adult Marys, Johns and Steves have coped in the past having missed the last bus home. Mainly because they have to and maybe they will learn not to be a bellend and to get in the taxi when they have the opportunity.

The idea that Rick the Taxi Driver would have to track him down and bundle him into his taxi cos he'd booked ahead is laughable. The idea that this is any different because you happen to be a parent is a joke.

If it bothered that her little darling baby would struggle, she should have had a phone on all night and be ready to indulge his stupidity and go and collect him, himself.

I say this as someone whose spent the night with mates in a bus station in late October before now. We somehow survived and made it back from Sheffield alive and are here to tell the tales 20 years later.

Honestly, there is no torn about this. Adult got offered ride back which adult declined. Adult sister who is there was unable to persuade Alan to do what the fuck he's told so how the hell is mate's Mum supposed to do more?

Adult Alan's Mum might be better having a serious chat with adult son about his irresponsible drinking which is obviously problematic and how he put his sister into a position like that. Instead of trying to blame everyone else for her own fuckwit of a son who clearly needs a firm kick up the arse.

Ahh it'll be Alan telling porkies to his mum.
"Alan, where the hell are you you've got work @ 10am"
Alan " she left me high n dry mum, nowhere to be seen and I was there on Time. She must have left early. "

For those asking I didn't really say anything, I was so bemused I didn't know what to say I just refused to collect him.

Plus I have a minibus licence and insurance as I do get paid in my self employment to drive the bus. But I believe I'd be covered on a normal insurance policy as it is not for profit.