Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL shared photos of my pregnancy without asking

170 replies

Onaloop · 21/10/2021 22:47

My MIL came to visit, I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby and haven't posted anything about it on social media so a lot of my friends dont know I'm pregnant again. She's just posted a load of photos of me heavily pregnant on social media. She hasn't tagged me but is friends with some of my friends and I'm feeling upset about it because I wanted to share the news when the baby was born. My husband says im overreacting and I should've said not to post anything if I cared that much, but it didn't cross my mind that she would. My MIL is quite narcissistic and I wonder if she's done it on purpose so she is the one who let's everyone know, but also maybe I'm being over sensitive. Ive had some issues with her previously but don't know if I should let it go? She posted hours ago so its too late to do anything about it. Am I being unreasonable in being pissed off?

OP posts:
stalkersaga · 21/10/2021 22:50

Did you plan to hide if you bumped into people you knew on the street? Because this is basically the equivalent. A pregnancy is not really a secret once very obviously visible. Plus you didn't even tell her that you didn't want people to know. Why shouldn't she post some pics of time with her family?

KrisAkabusi · 21/10/2021 22:56

You didn't tell her not to, or that you were keeping it secret, so you can't really blame her for that.

HighHighHopes · 21/10/2021 22:56

You're being rather silly.

kikipie · 21/10/2021 22:56

It’s quite difficult to hide when you’re heavily pregnant. Are these friends far away who wouldn’t bump into you?

EnrouteNOTonroute · 21/10/2021 22:58

Ynbu this would piss me off too

hotmeatymilk · 21/10/2021 22:58

I would hate this, and also only announced when the baby was born – but we need more info. Does she usually post pictures of you or is this unusual? Had she had the opportunity to post pictures of you earlier in pregnancy when you weren’t showing, and didn’t, but has suddenly done so now? Was she aware you weren’t announcing?

StoneofDestiny · 21/10/2021 22:58

They are pics of you, so tell her you would like her to remove them as you are not comfortable with them. If she is sensitive and reasonable she will remove them.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 21/10/2021 22:59

You knew she was taking the photos, if you really didn't want her putting them online you should have said at the time. Were they at a family party or event?

I get you're feeling sensitive, understandably, but on this issue she has done nothing wrong.

Kite22 · 21/10/2021 23:01

@stalkersaga

Did you plan to hide if you bumped into people you knew on the street? Because this is basically the equivalent. A pregnancy is not really a secret once very obviously visible. Plus you didn't even tell her that you didn't want people to know. Why shouldn't she post some pics of time with her family?
All this ^

YABU

Marvellousmadness · 21/10/2021 23:01

Tell the woman off.
Tell her to take the photo down straight away.
And if she refuses well..nothing you can do really but you can learn about the future.
Make sure to tell her you don't want her sharing pictures of baby online. Be firm on it. And don't go sharing photos of baby (when born) in a whatsapp group because this will just end badly with her on the receiving end.
Sorry that she ruined the surprise.
You should tell her .it might have been an honest mistake. But she also might just be... a stereotype mil

Lockheart · 21/10/2021 23:01

I assume these were photos you knew were being taken. If she'd snuck pictures of you without your knowledge just so she could put them on facebook then yes that's a tad creepy, but if you're having your photo taken e.g. with your husband then I'm not sure she's really unreasonable to put them on facebook.

Does she know that you're not telling anyone? I agree with above posters that after a certain point it becomes hard to hide!

Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/10/2021 23:01

Another MIL bashing thread?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2021 23:04

You're heavily pregnant and none of your friends know?

hotmeatymilk · 21/10/2021 23:05

Another MIL bashing thread?
The limit does not exist

SearchingStar · 21/10/2021 23:08

I feel like even if you hadn't explicitly said not to she would have been aware of the context and should have been more thoughtful and respectful. Nothing stopped her asking if you minded before she posted. This is clearly super sensitive for you and people should be more sensitive about broadcasting other people's lives on social media!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/10/2021 23:08

Were these sneaky photos or ones that you knew were being taken?

If you knew they were being taken or she'd taken some then you really should have said something about not putting them on social media.

I understand you're upset but when you're heavily pregnant it's just not a secret really anymore. You'll bump into people and people will talk.

Rosesareyellow · 21/10/2021 23:08

This is so bizarre. They can’t be particularly close friends if you’re able to keep this from them for so long even if they live miles away - you’ve literally spent 9 months texting or phoning and pretended you’re not pregnant? (as a close friend I wouldn’t find you’re special reveal cute, I’d find it weird and mildly irritating. As a friend you don’t speak to much I’m hardly going to be that bothered and you could have saved yourself the effort of hiding it especially for me Confused) if you’re MIL didn’t know and you didn’t say anything about this then it’s hardly her fault - who assumes that someone is hiding their pregnancy from the world?
I’d be more worried about what your ‘friends’ are thinking and saying about you now after fibbing about being pregnant than your mother in law upstaging you.

Kite22 · 21/10/2021 23:13

everything @Rosesareyellow said.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/10/2021 23:14

@Kite22

everything *@Rosesareyellow* said.
Second that.
ThatNameAgainItsMrPlow · 21/10/2021 23:15

Why was she taking pictures of you though? Were they sneaky pictures you didn't see she was taking?

GreenerGrass23 · 21/10/2021 23:18

YANBU. This would annoy me too! I'm Not in the same position as you though.

Could you ask her to remove the photos from social
Media? You'll need to get used to asserting your own voice with you MIL once the baby has arrived. Don't assume other people know how you feel about things.

Monsterpumpkins · 21/10/2021 23:20

So now you know... Don't let he be privvy to any info unless you are certain it's for public knowledge..
She is excited fair enough but your pregnancy is your body...

Clymene · 21/10/2021 23:21

@Marvellousmadness

Tell the woman off. Tell her to take the photo down straight away. And if she refuses well..nothing you can do really but you can learn about the future. Make sure to tell her you don't want her sharing pictures of baby online. Be firm on it. And don't go sharing photos of baby (when born) in a whatsapp group because this will just end badly with her on the receiving end. Sorry that she ruined the surprise. You should tell her .it might have been an honest mistake. But she also might just be... a stereotype mil
Good grief
musicviking1 · 21/10/2021 23:22

I think it's lovely she took photos of you, not one person bothered to take any photos of me when I was pregnant. However, I hate posting photos of myself on SM so I would not been keen on them being uploaded for all to see.

EggsellentSmithers · 21/10/2021 23:23

I get you on this one. She’s obviously on your SM feeds and seen that you haven’t announced your pregnancy, so common sense should prevail - she could have asked you/checked.

I didn't reveal my pregnancy online at all. My nearest and dearest all knew because we’d told them without using social media - not everything revolves around Facebook. I did post a pram pic of DD about a week after she was born and of course loads of my “not so close friends/ex colleagues” etc didn’t know and were surprised.

I also have a step mother who has no regard for basic social media etiquette (announced my DDs birth despite being asked not to and posted a pic of me in my wedding dress witting 15mins of me getting married, before we had seen most of our guests) so maybe I feel a bit jaded in that sense though 😂