MIL shared photos of my pregnancy without asking

[Onaloop]

My MIL came to visit, I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby and haven't posted anything about it on social media so a lot of my friends dont know I'm pregnant again. She's just posted a load of photos of me heavily pregnant on social media. She hasn't tagged me but is friends with some of my friends and I'm feeling upset about it because I wanted to share the news when the baby was born. My husband says im overreacting and I should've said not to post anything if I cared that much, but it didn't cross my mind that she would. My MIL is quite narcissistic and I wonder if she's done it on purpose so she is the one who let's everyone know, but also maybe I'm being over sensitive. Ive had some issues with her previously but don't know if I should let it go? She posted hours ago so its too late to do anything about it. Am I being unreasonable in being pissed off?

[Luckingfovely]

I get your frustration, but if it was such a big deal, you should have told her not to post them when she was taking photos of you.

Fault lies with you ultimately unless she was hiding behind the garden fence with a telephoto lens???

(Also if you're heavily pregnant, surely most people are aware?)

[CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther]

@Marvellousmadness

Tell the woman off.
Tell her to take the photo down straight away.
And if she refuses well..nothing you can do really but you can learn about the future.
Make sure to tell her you don't want her sharing pictures of baby online. Be firm on it. And don't go sharing photos of baby (when born) in a whatsapp group because this will just end badly with her on the receiving end.
Sorry that she ruined the surprise.
You should tell her .it might have been an honest mistake. But she also might just be... a stereotype mil

Maybe op is a stereotypical DIL?

[PumpkinsandTea]

So let me get this straight, you've been avoiding all of your friends for 8/9 months so that you could 'shock' everyone with "SURPRISE! I've had a baby!!!" and garner loads of attention from shocked (possibly now 'ex') friends and you're pissed off because now your MIL is not Mystic Meg and has inadvertently blown your cover???

Okies.

[fourandnomore]

I think the first a lot of my wider friends group knew that i was pregnant third time round was a pic of me someone posted on Facebook of a charity event I was at and I hadn’t even thought about it at the time - all it brought were loads of lovely comments and congratulations. I can see why you feel sensitive about it given the circumstances but let the good wishes roll in and if you would prefet the photos were taken down just ask nicely - my friend actually asked if I wanted the photo taken down as so many friends commented on it in surprise but I didn’t want her to as I didn’t mind at all, different situation though, I thought it was lovely of her to offer.

[TrollsAreSaddos]

YABU. How was she to know. It’s unusual to keep a pregnancy from close friends until you are heavily pregnant.

[SleepingStandingUp]

We need more context.

Mil took secret photos of me OR mil took photos of all of us and I knew.

The first is awful, because no one should be doing that.
The second, knowing her, you needed to say please don't share them online, I don't t want any one to know I'm pregnant.

But I agree with other posters that you're friends are going to feel put out if you've actively lied over the last 6+ months. I'm sorry for your last loss, and obv that's made you cautious and if you had a very late loss I can understand you feeling anxious but I think it was always going to be weird and awkward when you announced you now had a new baby

[Aria2015]

I totally get this. I've suffered multiple miscarriages and I had terrible anxiety during pregnancy because of them. I did not share I was pregnant on SM at all and only told most people when I was past 20 weeks and even then it was just a handful. People congratulating me made me feel sick because I was so scared of something going wrong. Whenever my photo was taken while I was obviously pregnant, I would always request that it wasn't shared on SM. I don't think you are being silly at all. So many people don't understand the impact that previous miscarriages can have on a pregnancy. I'd ask your mil if she'd do you a kindness and take them down because it makes you anxious to share your news and you want to wait until your baby is safely in your arms. Maybe give her something to look forward to and tell her she can share photos of the baby once they're here?

[Youseethethingis]

I jumped out of my chair with joy when my friend recently sent me a "hello auntie Yousee" pic of his baby's 12 week scan. I've known she was pregnant pretty much since the day they had sex and am one of the very few people who know about their previous losses so I've been very anxious about this little baby I can tell you.
They have not said a word on SM. Not a solitary clue.
Am I to understand that I'd be perfectly reasonable to share that photo on social media? He hasn't asked me not to so now I'm not sure of I was supposed to just trash their be right to privacy because they were stupid enough to confide in me.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

@Youseethethingis

I jumped out of my chair with joy when my friend recently sent me a "hello auntie Yousee" pic of his baby's 12 week scan. I've known she was pregnant pretty much since the day they had sex and am one of the very few people who know about their previous losses so I've been very anxious about this little baby I can tell you.
They have not said a word on SM. Not a solitary clue.
Am I to understand that I'd be perfectly reasonable to share that photo on social media? He hasn't asked me not to so now I'm not sure of I was supposed to just trash their be right to privacy because they were stupid enough to confide in me.

Your first paragraph made me smile, I hope your friends pregnancy goes to plan

[NormanStangerson]

@Sugarplumfairy65

Another MIL bashing thread?

I think you’ll find it’s another pregnant woman bashing thread. They’ve been endless of late. On Mumsnet. It’s absolutely insane.

You’ve suffered a loss, it’s your pregnancy, of course you’re not unreasonable to be pissed off she’s blasted pics of your pregnant self all over Facebook to garner attention for herself, when you’ve (presumably out of fear and anxiety) chosen not to share pictures yourself until you know your baby is here safe.

You’re going to get insanely lynched on here though. It’s absolutely rife at the moment and it’s vile.

[TyrannosaurusRights]

I’m almost six months pregnant. I don’t live near most of my friends or family. Obviously people who see me realise there’s a bump and our immediate family know but the extended family and most friends will be told when/if they see me or when the baby arrives. It’s not a secret, but my first pregnancy was complicated and we had a premie in hospital for a while. I just don’t want an audience, no matter how well meaning, checking how this one is going.

[NormanStangerson]

@Youseethethingis

I jumped out of my chair with joy when my friend recently sent me a "hello auntie Yousee" pic of his baby's 12 week scan. I've known she was pregnant pretty much since the day they had sex and am one of the very few people who know about their previous losses so I've been very anxious about this little baby I can tell you.
They have not said a word on SM. Not a solitary clue.
Am I to understand that I'd be perfectly reasonable to share that photo on social media? He hasn't asked me not to so now I'm not sure of I was supposed to just trash their be right to privacy because they were stupid enough to confide in me.

Quite. A good point, well made. What the fuck is up with posters at the moment? It’s honestly like a social experiment where the test subjects have escaped and got the wifi password.

[TheBlackArt]

Tell the woman off

How bloody patronising

[TheBlackArt]

You’re going to get insanely lynched on here though. It’s absolutely rife at the moment and it’s vile

Oh, give over. Literally nobody has said a thing out of turn to OP.

[Milkbottlelegs]

If you’re visibly pregnant (and you said heavily pregnant OP, not just starting to show) then you are well passed the point of announcing. It’s not unreasonable of her to assume most people would know given anyone you’d seen in the last few months would know.

[Getyourownback]

@TheBlackArt

You’re going to get insanely lynched on here though. It’s absolutely rife at the moment and it’s vile

Oh, give over. Literally nobody has said a thing out of turn to OP.

🤦🏼‍♀️

[TheBlackArt]

🤦‍♀️

What an insightful response! You got me there!

[Siepie]

Did she post it as a pregnancy announcement, e.g. “here’s my pregnant DIL!” I wouldn’t be pissed off myself, but it would seem odd to do that if you hadn’t announced it yourself.

Or was it just photos from a day out, and you happened to be pregnant in them because, well, you are pregnant? In which case YABU to be pissed off, unless she knows you don’t want your pictures online.

[Lookatmoiploise]

@PumpkinsandTea

So let me get this straight, you've been avoiding all of your friends for 8/9 months so that you could 'shock' everyone with "SURPRISE! I've had a baby!!!" and garner loads of attention from shocked (possibly now 'ex') friends and you're pissed off because now your MIL is not Mystic Meg and has inadvertently blown your cover???

Okies.

This

[Onaloop]

I live abroad and haven't seen any of my UK friends in person since Jan 2020 due to Covid restrictions and not being able to travel as it's a high risk pregnancy, so no, most of my friends don't know (I've only told a couple of people plus family due to losing my last baby last year) and so the pregnancy has been very easy to hide.

During my last pregnancy I did post a small amount about it on SM, but then I lost the baby late on in the pregnancy.

This time I haven't wanted to post anything on SM yet in case something bad happens again and I wanted to share the final good news with my friends once the baby is here and I know everything is ok, but I should've made that clear to my MIL.

Also, I have had problems with my MIL for years, including how she reacted to my stillbirth so yes, I am pretty sensitive about what she says and does.

[NormanStangerson]

@TheBlackArt

You’re going to get insanely lynched on here though. It’s absolutely rife at the moment and it’s vile

Oh, give over. Literally nobody has said a thing out of turn to OP.

She’s literally been told her friends will be ‘ex friends’ because she’s ‘lied’ to them.

You don’t think that’s out of turn?

Someone else encouraged the OP to worry about what her ‘friends’ are saying behind her back because she’s ‘fibbed’.

This is a pregnant woman who’s having a baby after a loss and her mother in law has blasted pictures of her pregnant body online without permission, despite presumably knowing the OP’s anxieties and that she hasn’t officially told anyone because of them.

When is it ever anyone else’s choice to share photos of you and break your news? This place is just ridiculous and will take against an OP, whatever they say.

[NormanStangerson]

@Onaloop

I live abroad and haven't seen any of my UK friends in person since Jan 2020 due to Covid restrictions and not being able to travel as it's a high risk pregnancy, so no, most of my friends don't know (I've only told a couple of people plus family due to losing my last baby last year) and so the pregnancy has been very easy to hide.

During my last pregnancy I did post a small amount about it on SM, but then I lost the baby late on in the pregnancy.

This time I haven't wanted to post anything on SM yet in case something bad happens again and I wanted to share the final good news with my friends once the baby is here and I know everything is ok, but I should've made that clear to my MIL.

Also, I have had problems with my MIL for years, including how she reacted to my stillbirth so yes, I am pretty sensitive about what she says and does.

You’re not unreasonable. At all. It’s your pregnancy, your body, and your choice whether you share it or not. Ignore the pile on posters, they’re like lemmings or people who join a queue just because it’s there.

I’d ask her to take them down, and explain why. If she refuses, then you’ve learnt something about her for the future.

[Onaloop]

@Aria2015 I'm sorry for your losses and thanks for your reply. I lost my first pregnancy at around 20 weeks, so this time I have felt anxious the whole way through and not really spoken to many people about it. I'm just hoping that everything goes smoothly and my healthy baby arrives ok!

[WorraLiberty]

I wanted to share the final good news with my friends once the baby is here and I know everything is ok, but I should've made that clear to my MIL.

Yes I think you probably should have.

[Onaloop]

@NormanStangerson thank you! I'm not sure why people think my friends would stop being friends with me because I waited to tell them about my pregnancy? Seems like a weird conclusion to jump to. My friends know what I went through with my pregnancy loss last year and I know they will understand.