Page 13 | 14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

Snowpatrolling · 2021-10-11T21:25:36+00:00

Hoping someone can give me some advice. Sorry if it’s in the wrong place. Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant? My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago. To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t) Had the police out every day last week as she was running away. She is now actively trying to get pregnant. Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill. Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit? Can she claim money? I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering. I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening. Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it. Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here. I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

ChristmasPlanning · 12/10/2021 23:16

You're right to be angry. It's shocking that you've had better support ana advice from MN that'll professionals. So sad that resources are stretched meaning vulnerable individuals are not getting help.

Your daughter is so lucky to have a parent that loves and looks out for her

douliket · 12/10/2021 23:57

Is this a joke??
It has to be
Lock your child up,remove her phone,remove her privileges, give her no money and for gods sake protect her
Get her counselling immediately,contact emergency services if your child is trying to leave the house to have sex

GreenLunchBox · 13/10/2021 00:15

@douliket

Is this a joke?? It has to be Lock your child up,remove her phone,remove her privileges, give her no money and for gods sake protect her Get her counselling immediately,contact emergency services if your child is trying to leave the house to have sex

This is what I think but you'll be shouted down here. Why is it apparently illegal to have sex under the age of 16 if it means nothing? There's a 13 year old boy here being abused but seemingly nobody cares

HirplesWithHaggis · 13/10/2021 01:42

Have you read the thread? OP would be the one in trouble if she followed this advice.

ImNotDancing · 13/10/2021 02:24

This social worker sounds fucking dreadful

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 13/10/2021 07:50

@douliket

Is this a joke?? It has to be Lock your child up,remove her phone,remove her privileges, give her no money and for gods sake protect her Get her counselling immediately,contact emergency services if your child is trying to leave the house to have sex

And in your brilliant plan, how about that little issue of school? And the fact that locking up a child is actually called imprisonment? What an idiotic response.

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 07:56

@HalzTangz

Where's her dad? What help is he providing? Could she go live with him for a bit to give you some respite

He’s refused to have her or offer any support. He’s told social worker this directly also. He doesn’t care, his son was put in a homeless hostel because he couldn’t be bothered with it.

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Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 07:57

@douliket

Is this a joke?? It has to be Lock your child up,remove her phone,remove her privileges, give her no money and for gods sake protect her Get her counselling immediately,contact emergency services if your child is trying to leave the house to have sex

I’ve answered all these questions on the thread. I’m over a barrel at the moment

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Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 07:58

@stillsleeptraining

Is there something she loves doing that you could do together and take some time to talk? It sounds like there's a lot going on in her head - maybe if you could find a find environment and time with just you two, you could connect and talk?

You said she'd been assaulted - is she reacting to this and processing it? Perhaps craving the love of this boy and a baby to make up for how awful it felt / feels?

I'd try and do a lot of listening and ask a lot of questions (as much as you want to shake her)

I’ve tried, she’s so fixated on having a baby there seems to be nothing else she will open up about. It’s why I’m trying to get her counselling.

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Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 08:00

@GreenLunchBox

Trust me I do feel sad that his home life is not good, however he and his family already has social services involvement himself. And I’ve got enough to worry about without taking on another kids problems. I have reported everything I can to social and schools regarding so they can look into protecting him.

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Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 08:01

@Kitkat151

OP it’s standard practice to assess the whoLe family so SWs get a bigger picture ....a child and family assessment will generally be completed within 45 days

Thankyou, I’ll start sorting stuff myself then, hopefully they will back off. I don’t like her at all.

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Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 08:03

@TheChip

If you disengage they might not be in a position to offer help and support

I’ll see if I can’t get stuff sorted in the mean time. Hopefully if I do it myself they’ll see I’m not completely mental and back off.

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ninnynonny · 13/10/2021 09:46

My 15 year old, who thank god, is nothing like this, disclosed to her school counsellor that he was having sex with her 15 year old boyfriend and they immediately called the police who came round and spoke to her. It was awful, and she is a very well behaved articulate, 'good' girl. Have the school done this with you?
I am so so sorry for what you're going through, it just sounds awful

ninnynonny · 13/10/2021 09:47

*she, not he!

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 13/10/2021 09:54

A thought re your SW, is it possible to ask to be assigned to a different one or speak to their superior? Her style of communication isn't matching yours. I have no idea if this is possible. I have worked with social workers through my own job and found some to be pretty crap but some who were fabulous and got things done.

Also you say all she wants to talk about is a baby so is it worth listening (i understand why you would want to shut it down though) and using this as a way to reopen communication and rebuild your relationship? It might help you understand where this is stemming from and if there is anything else that can help her to feel better. Acknowledge her feelings don't dismiss them and try to gently encourage her to wait until she is a little older. You can speak to her as a mother. You've probably already tried all this OP. Really hope you get some decent support soon.

gingercatsparky · 13/10/2021 09:58

Perhaps she needs a reality check. Could you pretend to indulge her? Tell her that if she is going to have a baby she will need some things. Go online with her and create a shopping bag with all the things she will need let her she the cost. Ask her how she will pay for this. Then talk to her about what it was like when she was a baby, exaggerate the sleepless nights etc what she will miss out on if she has a baby- list all the great things she would be doing in the next few years eg proms, holidays, uni, parties, concerts etc.

Could you get her one of those pretend babies they have in school? Do they still do that? Give her a taste of having a baby.

Is there any way you can add locks to the door so she can't let herself out?

If she's having sex I would talk to her about contraception and make an appointment to visit the doctor if she literally will not listen about not having sex in the first place. Have you talked to her about the trouble her boyfriend could get into if they have sex? Show her some articles about previous prosecutions and how it would be seen in the eyes of the law.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 13/10/2021 10:06

Does she have a tracker on her phone?

First thing is, never take her phone as punishment. If she’s ever in real danger it’s the only way to find her. If there’s any way possible can you get her icloud login, so at least you know where she is?

Issue is the police and social work are desperately understaffed and simply do not have time to be chasing teenagers. The more they do it and return home safely the more the risk is reduced - and they know the child will likely return before they track them down, and they’ll have tied up all their resources in the mean time.

Kneesaregood · 13/10/2021 11:04

There's a lot of social work bashing on here. The op has said several times she's only been open to social services for a week. The OP seems to be expecting the social worker to swoop in and fix the child and getting angry when that's not forthcoming.

TheChiefJo · 13/10/2021 11:13

@douliket

Is this a joke?? It has to be Lock your child up,remove her phone,remove her privileges, give her no money and for gods sake protect her Get her counselling immediately,contact emergency services if your child is trying to leave the house to have sex

RTFT and get real. Even if these actions were possible (with a determined teen they are not), they will worsen OP's position.

JudgementalCactus · 13/10/2021 11:20

@Kneesaregood

There's a lot of social work bashing on here. The op has said several times she's only been open to social services for a week. The OP seems to be expecting the social worker to swoop in and fix the child and getting angry when that's not forthcoming.

That's really not how I see it. OP is a desperate parent frustrated that while the social worker has done zero to improve the daughter's situation, apparently they had plenty of time to subtly blame her parenting skills and wash their hands of the entire situation.

Can you seriously not empathise with OP?

Your comment is very cold and unwaranted.

TheChiefJo · 13/10/2021 11:29

@Kneesaregood

There's a lot of social work bashing on here. The op has said several times she's only been open to social services for a week. The OP seems to be expecting the social worker to swoop in and fix the child and getting angry when that's not forthcoming.

Disagree. Nobody is expecting a quick fix but they could have at least written a supporting letter for OP's request for a move. They haven't.

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 12:02

@ninnynonny

My 15 year old, who thank god, is nothing like this, disclosed to her school counsellor that he was having sex with her 15 year old boyfriend and they immediately called the police who came round and spoke to her. It was awful, and she is a very well behaved articulate, 'good' girl. Have the school done this with you? I am so so sorry for what you're going through, it just sounds awful

I will ring around today, dd has just done a runner from school so only just got her back in. Thankyou though it’s top of my list of things to do.

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Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 12:04

@gingercatsparky

Perhaps she needs a reality check. Could you pretend to indulge her? Tell her that if she is going to have a baby she will need some things. Go online with her and create a shopping bag with all the things she will need let her she the cost. Ask her how she will pay for this. Then talk to her about what it was like when she was a baby, exaggerate the sleepless nights etc what she will miss out on if she has a baby- list all the great things she would be doing in the next few years eg proms, holidays, uni, parties, concerts etc.

Could you get her one of those pretend babies they have in school? Do they still do that? Give her a taste of having a baby.

Is there any way you can add locks to the door so she can't let herself out?

If she's having sex I would talk to her about contraception and make an appointment to visit the doctor if she literally will not listen about not having sex in the first place. Have you talked to her about the trouble her boyfriend could get into if they have sex? Show her some articles about previous prosecutions and how it would be seen in the eyes of the law.

I have done all of this, she’s seems delusional, tells me she has 9 months to figure it out. We have contraception for her here, she is refusing to take it and I legally can not force it into her. Thankyou for the advice though it is appreciated.

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Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 12:06

@Kneesaregood

There's a lot of social work bashing on here. The op has said several times she's only been open to social services for a week. The OP seems to be expecting the social worker to swoop in and fix the child and getting angry when that's not forthcoming.

Social services haven’t even directed me to any support for my child, I’m angry as they have been focusing on my mental health and my youngest child. Im angry as I’m being verbally attacked and threatened in my own home. I have asked every day for help and they ask me what I want, I respond with help me help my child and they revert back to my mental health. They don’t seem to understand I’m low because of the situation. They think the situation has happened because I’m low, which isn’t true.

If your teenager was acting the same would you not be angry that no plan has been put in place?

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Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 13/10/2021 12:08

@Nomoreusernames1244

Does she have a tracker on her phone?

First thing is, never take her phone as punishment. If she’s ever in real danger it’s the only way to find her. If there’s any way possible can you get her icloud login, so at least you know where she is?

Issue is the police and social work are desperately understaffed and simply do not have time to be chasing teenagers. The more they do it and return home safely the more the risk is reduced - and they know the child will likely return before they track them down, and they’ll have tied up all their resources in the mean time.

Yes but she keeps turning it off. Like today, I’ve had to drive around and try and coax her home so I knew she was safe. As I should The school phoned me and all they did was tell me how naughty she’s being and as I parent I should be telling her to stick to rules. I have, she doesn’t listen. No one seems to want to help me get her the support she so desperately needs.

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