Do I tell bf about what he ate?

[troobleflooble]

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

I’d tell him.

I made a huge effort for my vegan mother in law recently who then went on to have a massive ice cream because she fancied it. Fair enough but if you’re not vegan don’t make people cater for it!

"identity as vegan" 😂😂😂

I made a huge effort for my vegan mother in law recently who then went on to have a massive ice cream because she fancied it.

She very clearly was a vegan. Is she always such a twat?

@FleasInMyKnees

Was it a fatball

an posh hand-made one with a bit of twig and string?

As a vegetarian I'd want to know. Kimichi is the sort of thing which easily trips people up, especially people who maybe haven't been vegan or veggie long. As it's a vegetable! So it's probably not the first thing you would think of as being meaty. Definitely tell him.

Although, without sounds smug, as a vegetarian if over 25 years I have no idea how you could not realise it has shrimp in it. It's so obvious in the taste and smell.

Sorry, "identify as vegan" I mean 😂😂

Like, how the fuck does that even work?

Yes tell him.

I’m veggie, I had no clue kimchi wasn’t! I’ve never tried it so it doesn’t matter to me but I would like to know if I was inadvertently buying something not veggie/vegan.

I’m a vegan and yes I’d want to know. If I’d been served kimchi at your house and then you realised it wasn’t vegan I don’t think I’d want to know as I wouldn’t be eating it again, but as it’s something in his house that he may not realise (lots of kimchi isn’t vegan but certain brands are) I’d appreciate the heads up.

Aargh... very clearly was NOT a vegan... that should say

But yes tell him. Maybe he thinks it's just cabbage? If the ingredients aren't listed in English he wouldn't know there was shrimp there. It's just a friendly heads up.

What’s the issue with not telling him. Just say ‘honey you might wanna double check the label’ that’s all. Much ado over nothing

@BigWhooper

Sorry, "identify as vegan" I mean 😂😂

Like, how the fuck does that even work?

Idk. I saw a documentary about some vegan Instagram star who got very ill and had to start eating fish once a month (on doctors orders) because her body couldn’t absorb various necessary nutrients from artificial supplements. She stated she still considered herself to be vegan because her need for fish once a month was not in her control and that so long you are as vegan as you can be without endangering your health, you can still call yourself vegan.

I’m vegan and I would want to know, I really think he would want to know and then he has the choice as to whether he eats it or not.

Considering it's kimchi that on the face of it would be vegan

No it wouldn't...most kimchi has shrimp paste or fish sauce. Not all, but an awful lot.

I know lots of people who are vegan and have never come across anyone that eats any meat or dairy. I’ve never heard of a medical condition like that but I’m not a doctor. The definition of vegan is something like ‘those that avoid any animal cruelty as far as is practical’ something like that so I suppose if a doctor has said its necessary, that’s possible. Like some vegans don’t take any medication and some do.

@FleasInMyKnees

Was it a fatball

@planderaccordement that smacks of wanting to say you are vegan because it's fashionable! Otherwise why wouldn't you just say "I'm pescatarian, but like to eat vegan most of the time".

[quote Shurl]@planderaccordement that smacks of wanting to say you are vegan because it's fashionable! Otherwise why wouldn't you just say "I'm pescatarian, but like to eat vegan most of the time".[/quote]
Well it was obvious from documentary that she’d built her instagram following (and income) off being vegan and posting vegan tips and recipes. So she had a lot invested in identifying as vegan.

Plus most vegans I know do “cheat” now and then.

If you can read the label, I'm sure he has too.

I’d say something. It’s the kind of thing I’d buy without thinking to check the label.

I used to be vegan and I would have wanted to know. I’d express it along the lines of ‘no judgement from me if you already knew, but just in case you hadn’t realised, X isn’t vegan’. I’d have appreciated that!

Plus most vegans I know do “cheat” now and then.

Really? Are they vegan due to animal welfare issues or something else? I have many friends who are vegan and do lots for animal welfare campaigns, there’s just no way they would. I do think some meat eaters like saying vegans ‘cheat’, to try to make them all seem bad. I could never enjoy meat or dairy again with the views I hold.

I do have a friend who follows a plant based diet for health reasons, not animal welfare reasons, he still wears leather etc, just classes his diet as plant based not vegan and he has meat occasionally.

@FleasInMyKnees

Was it a fatball

Ah, those were the days.

Tell him
Going forward it’s actually not your responsibility to check his food is vegan and appropriate
I say that as a vegetarian, no one else is responsible for my dietary intake. I check myself if I’m unsure

Hiding trivial pieces of information like this in relationships for no other reason than "maybe the truth will make them feel bad" is a recipe for future pain.