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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell bf about what he ate?

337 replies

troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 19:55

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

OP posts:
Lou98 · 03/09/2021 22:45

@FuckPilledLatteplus

How can he not taste shrimp? He just sounds like a poser tbh

Because if he doesn't eat it he wouldn't know what it tastes like?
I'm 23 and never ate shrimp in my life, I wouldn't know what it tastes like.

You get Vegan Kimchi so he's most likely just picked the wrong one up.

PrescriptionOnlyMedicine · 03/09/2021 22:45

Don’t knock pork pie in a jar. I bet M&S start doing them before Christmas and we’ll all want one.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 22:46

I’ve never eaten shrimp either. I wouldn’t have a clue what it tastes like.

DetroitNeedsADog · 03/09/2021 22:46

I would want to know - I haven't ditched real cheese for vegan cheese substitute to get fucked over by kimchi!

LarryVeest · 03/09/2021 22:46

I knew it would be kimchi! Tell him. It's easy to make vegan kimchi.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 22:46

Don’t knock pork pie in a jar. I bet M&S start doing them before Christmas and we’ll all want one.

And charge double for the posh jar and label. 😬

Original poster
troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 22:48

@FuckPilledLatteplus I'm an omnivore who loves seafood and I tried some of the kimchi - I couldn't tell it had shrimp paste in it. Like fish sauce, it's pretty salty so it's just used as a seasoning. It's not really noticeably 'fishy'.

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 03/09/2021 22:48

Huh. I would not have known kimchi contains shrimp!

I'd probably gently tell him.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 22:50

@DetroitNeedsADog haha 😂 Cheese is the one thing he says he misses! Vegan cheese is ok but just not quite the same 😞

I think I will tell him so he can make sure he avoids that one in future. Fortunately I am a professional chef so I can make him a vegan version 😁

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 03/09/2021 22:51

This thread just reminds me of the kimchi my dh made over a year ago and is sitting in the fridge —rotting— ‘fermenting’. He never eats it but won’t let me throw it away.

ALbigbump · 03/09/2021 22:52

I’m trying to be a vegan and would want to know. I also thought kimchi was vegan by default so wouldn’t have considered needing to check the label until I saw this post! 😬

FuckPilledLatteplus · 03/09/2021 22:53

Fair enough, the kimchi didn’t taste shrimp-like.
But for all the people saying they couldn’t possibly work out what shrimp tastes like, have you ever smelled fish before? A lot of seafood tastes the way it smells. Fishy

QueenBee52 · 03/09/2021 22:54

@FuckPilledLatteplus

Fair enough, the kimchi didn’t taste shrimp-like. But for all the people saying they couldn’t possibly work out what shrimp tastes like, have you ever smelled fish before? A lot of seafood tastes the way it smells. Fishy

So he would know ?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 03/09/2021 22:59

I would tell him. Vegan kimchi is easy to find. (I'm vegan and I would definitely appreciate it if someone pointed a mistake like this out to me.)

Greystray · 03/09/2021 23:07

My MIL is Korean. She makes different kinds of kimchi but the regular kind has at least fish sauce in it. I can see someone not knowing that though, it tastes more salty than fishy.

MinkeDinkie · 03/09/2021 23:13

@Oogachuckachopsy

I’d tell him with such relish 😂 he’s either a cheaty vegan, in which case you’re armed to shut down any holier than thou “you should be vegan unless you want the world to die,” comments, or he doesn’t bother reading labels which suggests he’s a half-arsed vegan anyway.

I watched a holier-than-thou vegan friend-of-friend get absolutely trollied and then chow down a bag of bacon crisps with soured cream and onion dip. She’s a pain in the arse though so may be colouring my view.

Ok the soured cream is out for a vegan, but most bacon flavor crisps are vegetarian, and also vegan as long as the don't contain milk.

But yeah, I'd gently tell him so he doesn't buy it again if he bought it without realising. It's easy to miss stuff on labels.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 23:24

@Disfordarkchocolate

I'd tell him, we look out or an allergen and we often find we can't buy something we used or, or visa versa.

He may just be culturally vegan.

There's no such thing as 'culturally vegan'. Only vegetarian , in which dairy (milk and cheese) play a huge part.

Also not the right place but the confusion between vegans/vegetarians really annoy me...

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 03/09/2021 23:26

Is modern life really this difficult to navigate ? Do you really need to ask other people what you think you should do ?

" by the way Jim did you realise kimchi has shrimp paste in it ?"
"Why no, Barbara, I did not. Thankyou for telling me"

There you go. Easy.

Wineandroses3 · 03/09/2021 23:31

The pork pie comment nearly made me choke on my cup of tea! That’s the funniest comment I’ve ever read on mumsnet. Can’t stop laughing at that. Was it a pork pie???!!! 😆😆😆😆

gofg · 03/09/2021 23:33

I wouldn't tell him. If people choose to be vegan then it is up to them to check labels, no-one else needs to police their food for them. Honestly, he's an adult!

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 23:37

I wouldn't tell him. If people choose to be vegan then it is up to them to check labels, no-one else needs to police their food for them. Honestly, he's an adult!

It’s not policing if you’re doing it out of kindness to someone who has told you they want to be vegan. It’s just being kind and helpful.

gofg · 03/09/2021 23:43

It’s not policing if you’re doing it out of kindness to someone who has told you they want to be vegan. It’s just being kind and helpful.

Someone who "wants" to be vegan but can't be bothered checking labels is an idiot.

takehomepay · 03/09/2021 23:43

@gofg

I wouldn't tell him. If people choose to be vegan then it is up to them to check labels, no-one else needs to police their food for them. Honestly, he's an adult!
Well, hopefully you enjoyed the horsemeat in your burgers a few years back. You should have analysed the meat.

(I’m an omni but some of these posts are ridic).

cheninblanc · 03/09/2021 23:47

Years ago, whilst new in a relationship I cooked sausage and quorn sausage in a tray on holiday. Sd said it was the juiciest and best quorn sausage she'd ever had 🤦‍♀️. It was cooked in meat juice, now she eats meat as a teen we laugh about it. No malice intended it was naivety on my part

XenoBitch · 03/09/2021 23:52

Vegans obsessively check labels by default.
Maybe this jar belongs to a friend who likes to cook when visiting? Or maybe your BF is still in the early stages of transitioning to full veganism?
Have you looked at the date? It could be ancient and maybe from his pre-vegan days.