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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell bf about what he ate?

337 replies

troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 19:55

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

OP posts:
WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 21:49

My niece has been vegan for years, but when she first stopped eating meat and dairy, she had some seizures and ended up having regular brain scans for a while.

That’s awful. You do have to take care in what you’re eating and it’s advisable to take a good multi vitamin specifically for vegans. For me, it actually improved my diet as it made me really pay attention to what I was eating.

She's absolutely fine now, but has to keep a close eye on the nutrients she's taking in.

Really glad to hear that. It must have been very frightening for you all.

Ugzbugz · 03/09/2021 21:51

I would imagine hes eating a ton of non vegan stuff!

Justanotherlurker · 03/09/2021 21:52

@WinTheNight

All the people laughing at the pork pie comment, do you buy your pork pies in a jar? Or does eating meat mean you lose your ability to read? Or could it possibly be that at the opportunity of knocking a vegan diet, you didn’t hang around to read it properly. How sad that for whatever reason, someone living differently to you provokes such a response.

I’ll await the pile on for saying this because it’s only funny for meat eaters to make jokes at vegans but not the other way around. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My boyfriend eats meat as does one of my kids so very much of the thinking, eat what you want and accept people choose different things.

You could have responded with your excellent quip about meat eaters instead of going down the oppressed route and proving the meme stereotype that a lot of us vegans are embarrassed about.

Atre you feeling guilty for snaffing some of your BF bacon on the side?

QueenBee52 · 03/09/2021 21:54

He probably knows...... Hmm

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 21:56

You could have responded with your excellent quip about meat eaters instead of going down the oppressed route and proving the meme stereotype that a lot of us vegans are embarrassed about.

I was going to but chose to explain as I knew I’d just get loads of people jump on me anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️
If you choose to be embarrassed on my behalf that’s up to you. I just do my own thing. Smile
you feeling guilty for snaffing some of your BF bacon on the side?

Since buying him pigs and telling him he can eat bacon when he produces his own, there’s been none to snaffle. 😂

Farwest · 03/09/2021 21:59

He is an adult. Do not comment on his food choices unless invited to do so. Maybe he's not that strict, maybe he likes kimchi so much that he's willing to let it slide. No need to police his veganism or assist him. If he's a literate grownup, stay out of it.

Changechangychange · 03/09/2021 22:01

@WinTheNight

You’re obviously not getting enough of the mineral that provides a sense of humour. You’re getting plenty of the self-righteous one though.

I’m actually not that bothered. People eat what they want. But honestly, when people find out you’re a vegan, many never miss a chance to stick the boot in and it does get annoying. I’m not self righteous at all, I buy meat and dairy for my partner and kids, I make them their dinner containing it. Being vegan is just normal to me, it’s others that take issue, I don’t even think about it until someone brings it up and it’s often with a negative slant unfortunately.

Dear god, it was funny because a pork pie is not something that you could ever accidentally think is vegan. It was an absurd suggestion, so it was funny. Not a dig at vegans at all.

I’m a vegetarian, have been for 30 years, and have experienced plenty of anti-veg digs over the years. You are being weirdly paranoid about this.

pecanmix · 03/09/2021 22:02

I had a flat mate once who told everyone she was vegetarian. There were always steaks in the fridge that definitely weren't mine !!

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 22:03

Dear god, it was funny because a pork pie is not something that you could ever accidentally think is vegan. It was an absurd suggestion, so it was funny. Not a dig at vegans at all.

I think it was. But just my opinion. Wink

EmeraldGreenVelvet · 03/09/2021 22:03

I'm vegetarian, sometimes vegan, and certainly wouldn't knowingly eat anything with fish in it. I would def have assumed that kimchi was vegan.
I would tell him. It's no big deal; just say "did you know your kimchi has shrimp paste in it?"

EmeraldGreenVelvet · 03/09/2021 22:10

@EmeraldGreenVelvet

I'm vegetarian, sometimes vegan, and certainly wouldn't knowingly eat anything with fish in it. I would def have assumed that kimchi was vegan. I would tell him. It's no big deal; just say "did you know your kimchi has shrimp paste in it?"
Sorry posted too soon.

He'll either be grateful or laugh that your sound out his guilty secret. I'd put money on the former though.
People who aren't vegan don't understand that most people who are vegan don't feel that they're denying themselves something, or that they have to secretly get their meat fix - I would imagine he's eating a ton of non vegan stuff! said a PP - that's nonsense. The very idea of eating meat or fish makes me feel ill. I'm not keen on fake meat for that reason.

Changechangychange · 03/09/2021 22:14

@WinTheNight well I guess we will never know what the original intent was.

But OP saying “I’m not sure if he knows it’s not vegan, should I tell him”, when the item in question is a pork pie, is funny. A joke about vegans being so desperate for meat that they eat a pork pie, doesn’t really make sense and isn’t funny. So I’m going with the first interpretation myself.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 22:18

I would imagine he's eating a ton of non vegan stuff! said a PP - that's nonsense. The very idea of eating meat or fish makes me feel ill. I'm not keen on fake meat for that reason.

Same. I don’t like much of the fake meat stuff at all. I find much of it too ‘meaty’.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 22:19

I really genuinely think this was an accident on his part, we had a whole conversation recently about how his favourite wine isn't vegan because it's filtered with animal derivatives so I don't think he'd be happy to eat it knowing it had animal products in it. His reasons for being vegan are partly environmental and partly because he doesn't want to contribute to the meat/dairy industry and feed the demand.

I think the confusion may have come about because he went to a restaurant where kimchi was on the vegan option so I think he'd just assumed that it is/was always vegan.

OP posts:
me4real · 03/09/2021 22:20

For sure tell him @troobleflooble . He probably hasn't deliberately broken the vegan code.

Most people would assume any kimchi is just fermented veg.

Lou98 · 03/09/2021 22:21

I would tell him.
My mum is a vegetarian and she used to eat these sweets she loved, I was just by chance reading the label and noticed they had beef gelatine in them, she never knew and was grateful I told her so she could stop eating them

opinionminion · 03/09/2021 22:27

FleasInMyKnees
Grin that was a great thread !

HalzTangz · 03/09/2021 22:29

@PlanDeRaccordement

No, don’t say anything. I’m sure he knows it’s not vegan or vegetarian and is eating it anyway. You don’t have to be 100% vegan in all things to identify as vegan. And some vegans do occasionally eat nonvegan for health reasons.
Then surely they aren't vegan.

I vegan would only eat food suitable for vegans.

Eating some vegan food imo doesn't make you vegan.

donquixotedelamancha · 03/09/2021 22:35

The important thing, OP, is that he identifies as vegan. Stop obsessing about 'facts' and 'reality'.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 22:37

@Farwest fair enough, and point taken! I was just wondering if other vegans in a similar position would prefer someone to point it out so they don't continue to eat something they don't agree with unknowingly. If I was vegan/vegetarian I would want to know.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 03/09/2021 22:37

@GreenTortoise

Maybe he is like Pam from Gavin and Stacey and stuffs his face with ham when no one is looking Grin.

No, in all seriousness just tell him. I'm sure he'll get the vegan equivalent once he knows.

“You’re eating ham, Pam!”

Comedy gold 🤣

donquixotedelamancha · 03/09/2021 22:38

And some vegans do occasionally eat nonvegan for health reasons.

Then surely they aren't vegan.

TVAV.
Pescatarians are valid.

EastWestWhosBest · 03/09/2021 22:39

I’m veggie and have been for decades. Sometimes recipes change or you don’t check the label. I’d like to be told.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/09/2021 22:41

I’d mention it. My vegetarian mum (of 35 plus years) didn’t know Worcestershire sauce has anchovies in it. Was very glad I told her.

FuckPilledLatteplus · 03/09/2021 22:41

How can he not taste shrimp? He just sounds like a poser tbh