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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I tell bf about what he ate?

337 replies

troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 19:55

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

OP posts:
Sittingonabench · 03/09/2021 20:45

Tell him you’ve read a thread on here of someone in your situation and would he want to know? See what he says

Wineandroses3 · 03/09/2021 20:46

Was it a bacon buttie?

Stovetopespresso · 03/09/2021 20:46

just me or does it sound like you're a bit suspicious of his veganism?

irresistibleoverwhelm · 03/09/2021 20:46

I still laugh thinking about the fatball thread. Told my DD about it and now whenever we buy bird food balls she tries to get DP to eat them Grin

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 20:47

Hiding trivial pieces of information like this in relationships for no other reason than "maybe the truth will make them feel bad" is a recipe for future pain.

Exactly. Just tell him. It’s happened now, if he wants to be vegan, he’ll stop buying it. Or he can choose to still eat it if he wants to, but always best to know.

Calmestofallthechickens · 03/09/2021 20:48

🤭 I am now going to throw away my kimchi

takehomepay · 03/09/2021 20:52

Sometimes you can miss ingredients. I’ve bought something with gelatine by mistake a couple of times and so has DH. We often point it out to each other, as the other has bought something in the supermarket and did a skim read of ingredients.

AmelieLovesAutumn · 03/09/2021 20:53

@DismantledKing

Was it a pork pie?
In a jar???
WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 20:55

In a jar???

The poster missed that in their hurry to make a joke about vegans I guess. 🙄 Desperate.

Oogachuckachopsy · 03/09/2021 20:56

I’d tell him with such relish 😂 he’s either a cheaty vegan, in which case you’re armed to shut down any holier than thou “you should be vegan unless you want the world to die,” comments, or he doesn’t bother reading labels which suggests he’s a half-arsed vegan anyway.

I watched a holier-than-thou vegan friend-of-friend get absolutely trollied and then chow down a bag of bacon crisps with soured cream and onion dip. She’s a pain in the arse though so may be colouring my view.

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/09/2021 20:57

@WinTheNight

Plus most vegans I know do “cheat” now and then.

Really? Are they vegan due to animal welfare issues or something else? I have many friends who are vegan and do lots for animal welfare campaigns, there’s just no way they would. I do think some meat eaters like saying vegans ‘cheat’, to try to make them all seem bad. I could never enjoy meat or dairy again with the views I hold.

I do have a friend who follows a plant based diet for health reasons, not animal welfare reasons, he still wears leather etc, just classes his diet as plant based not vegan and he has meat occasionally.

Ok, so I know 5 vegan acquaintances/colleagues and they all have cheated. Why they are vegans is a mixed bag. 5 is a very small sample size so I’m not saying most vegans cheat, just the ones I happen to know.

So one will still buy and wear leather so long as it is second hand or vintage. Their rationale is that they’re not causing any harm, that was the responsibility of the initial buyer who bought new and re-using to help the planet takes precedence.

One ate pasta with Parmesan cheese (Parmesan cheese is not vegan) when we went out for work lunch.

One put Worcester sauce into their homemade bbq sauce when I was at theirs for a garden party/bbq (Worcester sauce is not vegan)

Another literally grabbed a piece of bacon off a friend’s plate and ate it (we were having brunch before going to the beach)

The last one thinks you can eat prawns and lobster and still be vegan as he views them as “insects of the sea” and “not fish”

I’m sure 99% of the time they are truly vegan and I’ve never been one to demand perfection of anyone, so I do still consider them to be vegans. So I would definitely make sure to have vegan food for them/choose restaurant with vegan options etc.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 20:58

Sometimes you can miss ingredients. I’ve bought something with gelatine by mistake a couple of times and so has DH. We often point it out to each other, as the other has bought something in the supermarket and did a skim read of ingredients.

It’s also hard when ingredients are changed. My friends daughter is vegan and likes vimto. It now contains non vegan vitamin d so is no longer vegan. Luckily she noticed before she had any.

Justanotherlurker · 03/09/2021 20:59

@DismantledKing

Was it a pork pie?
From a petrol station! Grin
HangingOver · 03/09/2021 20:59

Deffo tell him. I'd 100% want to know. Kimchi is the sort of thing people make mistakes with as a lot of them are vegan friendly.

Briarshollow · 03/09/2021 20:59

@WinTheNight

In a jar???

The poster missed that in their hurry to make a joke about vegans I guess. 🙄 Desperate.

It was funny. Vegan jokes are funny.
DismantledKing · 03/09/2021 21:02

@WinTheNight

In a jar???

The poster missed that in their hurry to make a joke about vegans I guess. 🙄 Desperate.

Whoever said that vegans take themselves far too seriously?
Justanotherlurker · 03/09/2021 21:03

The poster missed that in their hurry to make a joke about vegans I guess. 🙄 Desperate.

I thought it was funny and I am vegan, then again I'm not the type to list it on my twitter profile [shrug]

Changechangychange · 03/09/2021 21:04

@WinTheNight

I know lots of people who are vegan and have never come across anyone that eats any meat or dairy. I’ve never heard of a medical condition like that but I’m not a doctor. The definition of vegan is something like ‘those that avoid any animal cruelty as far as is practical’ something like that so I suppose if a doctor has said its necessary, that’s possible. Like some vegans don’t take any medication and some do.
I am a doctor, and it sounds like a very convenient excuse to me. I am trying to imagine what essential nutrients are found only in fish, and I cannot think of any whatsoever. Neither can I imagine that a single portion once a month would be enough to replace whatever these mysterious nutrients were.
Lavender24 · 03/09/2021 21:07

I'm vegan and would want to know. To those saying they're sure he knows and will have checked, mistakes do happen. I've missed things on labels when I've been tired or in a rush.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 21:08

PlanDeRaccordement

I’d say you don’t know give vegans, you know one, possibly two vegans. Here’s my opinion for what it’s worth.

So one will still buy and wear leather so long as it is second hand or vintage. Their rationale is that they’re not causing any harm, that was the responsibility of the initial buyer who bought new and re-using to help the planet takes precedence.

No point in wasting. But personally I wouldn’t do this and don’t know any vegan that would. But it doesn’t cause any ‘more’ suffering to an animal so it comes under the definition of vegan I’d say.

One ate pasta with Parmesan cheese (Parmesan cheese is not vegan) when we went out for work lunch.

I mean, she can eat what she wants, but she ain’t vegan. 🤣

One put Worcester sauce into their homemade bbq sauce when I was at theirs for a garden party/bbq (Worcester sauce is not vegan)

If she knew it wasn’t vegan, then again, I’d say not a vegan. If she didn’t know, it’s understandable to make a mistake.

Another literally grabbed a piece of bacon off a friend’s plate and ate it (we were having brunch before going to the beach)

Definitely not a vegan.🤣

The last one thinks you can eat prawns and lobster and still be vegan as he views them as “insects of the sea” and “not fish”

Definitely not vegan. And dare I say a bit dim. 😬

Soooo, I’d say you don’t know 5 vegans, you know one, possibly two vegans.

WinTheNight · 03/09/2021 21:08

*five not give

Gwenhwyfar · 03/09/2021 21:10

"I am a doctor, and it sounds like a very convenient excuse to me. I am trying to imagine what essential nutrients are found only in fish, and I cannot think of any whatsoever."

I have a doctor friend who told me to eat meat occasionally, for example once a month. He's not a nutrition expert though.

StoatMilk · 03/09/2021 21:10

@DismantledKing

Was it a pork pie?
Oh I hope it was Grin
Xmassprout · 03/09/2021 21:10

Tell him!

I once pointed out to a vegan friend that her crisps had milk in (she offered me some but I am dairy intolerant so checked the ingredients). She really appreciated me pointing it out. Her partner had bought the crisps but he isn't vegan so didn't check the labels very well. She didn't check as she assumed he would have checked the label. Was just a little oversight