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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Number109 · 21/08/2021 17:58

Yes she probably did do it intentionally but is there a problem that it looks like she’s in the wedding party? There wasn’t any expense for you for your husbands family to look like they were part of the wedding.

Nobloat21 · 21/08/2021 17:58

I can't imagine telling people not to wear certain colours.

katemuff · 21/08/2021 18:00

So what? Why be so controlling. I didn't have bridesmaids but 2 girls arrived in bridesmaids dresses, it was cute. I had photos with them, we had a lovely day. Why are you bothered? What does DH think?

Lockheart · 21/08/2021 18:00
  • Yes, it possibly was intentional.
  • It had no impact on your day whatsoever. Presumably the marriage was still able to go ahead.
Guavaf1sh · 21/08/2021 18:00

Life is short. No point getting upset over something like this

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 18:01

I couldn’t get worked up about it at all. A wedding is about the vows and commitment being made, not the outfits or people knowing they aren’t part of the bridal party etc.
I’ve had gone Hmm at any request to avoid colours as wouldn’t be buying a new outfit just to avoid a colour I already owned.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 18:02

@katemuff

So what? Why be so controlling. I didn't have bridesmaids but 2 girls arrived in bridesmaids dresses, it was cute. I had photos with them, we had a lovely day. Why are you bothered? What does DH think?
That’s so sweet. They grow out of things so fast as children so why not wear a pretty dress regardless of the style. I’d have taken photos too Grin
Planty13 · 21/08/2021 18:03

I honestly couldn’t care. I wouldn’t dream of telling someone what colours to wear or not wear at a wedding Blush especially as suits can be expensive

Fernando072020 · 21/08/2021 18:03

Wow. I mean she probably did it intentionally but yabu dictating what colours people should wear 🤷🏼‍♀️our colours were maroon and yellow, some of the bridal party had blue kilts, I would never have told all my guests not to wear blue, maroon and yellow

Barbie222 · 21/08/2021 18:05

If she hadn't done it, somebody else would have. It's such a ridiculous request, it would've been too tempting.

GoodVibesHere · 21/08/2021 18:06

It's awful to tell people what colour they can or can't wear!

drpet49 · 21/08/2021 18:06

YANBU- she did it on purpose.

GotToGoBye · 21/08/2021 18:06

Never crossed my mind to ask people not to wear certain colours, surely the photos look beautifully coordinated?
Probably she did but maybe she didn’t think it was so serious?

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 18:06

Probably, but why does it matter under?

Sounds as though she was hurt that your sister was in the bridal party and she, as his sister, wasn't. I'm inclined to think she might have had a point, we made sure all siblings were included even though that did mean quite a few people.

Wouldn't have told people what colour they couldn't wear either.

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 18:07

Matter under? Thanks autocorrect, you work I'm strange ways.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 21/08/2021 18:07

Dictating what colour your guests can wear isn't really cool. It makes absolutely no difference to you at all.

They turned up, they looked smart, and presumably everyone had a lovely time. Wind your neck in as life is far too short to be this controlling.

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 18:07

I'm strange ways? Oh ffs. As you were.

N4ish · 21/08/2021 18:07

You’ve been married less than a week! You should be focusing on your new life with your DH rather than obsessing about who wore what at the wedding.

lifehappened · 21/08/2021 18:10

Im cringing for you to be honest. I get it, it's a massive day for you but you've lost sight of what's important. Don't be that Bridezilla

CabbagesGreen · 21/08/2021 18:10

Don't let it get to you, she probably did try and coordinate but don't let it ruin your day.

Debetswell · 21/08/2021 18:10

At my sons wedding my niece wore a similar dress to the bridesmaids. Pure coincidence.
Not a problem.
If families get on why would it be?

Pottedpalm · 21/08/2021 18:10

I would have worn navy too. I have never been told what colour to wear/not wear at a wedding. What dies it matter?

RubyGoat · 21/08/2021 18:11

She probably did do this intentionally, but YABU to be annoyed. How has it affected you? Did it make your wedding day less meaningful? Perhaps she wanted her son to feel included & just didn't realise how you would react.

CabbagesGreen · 21/08/2021 18:11

I mean getting the same suit seems pretty intentional. Bit of an odd thing to do but hey, she's clearly odd.

SunshineCake · 21/08/2021 18:12

I turned up to the church to see dh cousins in matching tail jackets. I had no idea they were going to do that. I was a bit confused for a moment then thought what a lovely gesture as they then showed everyone to their seats and handed out of the order of service.

I'd let it go. If she did it to piss you off then don't give her the satisfaction. It's a bit sad you are upset about them looking like they are part of the wedding party given they are your husbands family. Stop being silly.