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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
condensationwindows · 21/08/2021 18:46

If you’d said no football tops and she turned up in a Chelsea top, I’d have understood but not this.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 18:46

No, I’m really not obsessing or focusing on it. DH expressed his annoyance as it looks a bit odd on the group photo, and I posted on here to see if we were being unreasonable.

Clearly we are, as asking guests not to wear the same colour as the bridal party isn’t as common as we thought… like I said, we’ve been to several weddings and this has been asked at each one 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 21/08/2021 18:47

Her dress was navy and white, it doesn’t sound like a typical bridesmaid dress and it wasn’t plain navy as requested. A navy suit is a navy suit tbh. They may well have already had the clothes and not wanted to buy more. It’s hardly like she turned up in a long white dress I can’t understand why you are so put out

BeaLola · 21/08/2021 18:47

3 words - Let It Go

blablablah · 21/08/2021 18:48

Honestly, if only 24 people were in attendance at my wedding I probably would have found some thing for everyone to do and be included as bridal party.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/08/2021 18:48

Why does if matter if they look like they are part of the bridal party, they are part of the family!

Can you imagine yourself showing your wedding pictures to new friends in a couple of years and feeling the need to point out who was in and who was out? Literally nobody else will know or care and you won't care either in a few weeks time if you stop giving it so much head space!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 21/08/2021 18:49

If it is ridiculous to stay away from certain colours (been asked a few times not to wear this or that colour) would it then be acceptable to wear white or cream?

Genuine question. I’ve known people turn up to weddings in a white or cream frock and that would have been an absolute no no back in the day.

BoredZelda · 21/08/2021 18:49

Asking guests not to wear navy is out of order. I’d probably have done it to piss you off too if you weren’t a close friend.

My sister’s partner hired a kilt the same tartan as my husband’s and got one for my nephew too. They weren’t part of the wedding party but I thought it was a lovely thing for him to do.

As others have said, you got married, what’s the problem?

Standrewsschool · 21/08/2021 18:50

Yes, intentional, especially the suit. I think it’s a reasonable request.

One person I knew did the opposite, and request all the guests wore blue (any shade). It was only a small wedding, but the photos did look good.

Lightisnotwhite · 21/08/2021 18:50

I’m with you Op.

It’s not a family get together, it’s the bride and grooms day.
Their day, they’re paying do what you’re told or decline the invite.

Regardless It’s incredibly rude to turn up to someone else’s wedding in the very thing they expressly asked you not to wear. Who does that?

BluebellsGreenbells · 21/08/2021 18:50

Just don’t hang a group photo up! One of you DH and the kids will be fine.

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 18:52

Another that has been to loads of weddings and never been told not to wear a particular colour. Navy as well, one of the most popular colours there is!

ancientgran · 21/08/2021 18:52

@saturdaynightgin

No, I’m really not obsessing or focusing on it. DH expressed his annoyance as it looks a bit odd on the group photo, and I posted on here to see if we were being unreasonable.

Clearly we are, as asking guests not to wear the same colour as the bridal party isn’t as common as we thought… like I said, we’ve been to several weddings and this has been asked at each one 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm the opposite, I've always been to weddings where the colour theme was a surprise on the day. I guess it takes all sorts.
Skybluepinkgiraffe · 21/08/2021 18:52

It would never occur to me to tell the guests what they could or could not wear! I've never been told as a guest either.
In my experience was all about celebrating with loved ones. It's so sad when the whole day becomes about the photos

MistyFrequencies · 21/08/2021 18:53

Im surprised people think you're unreasonable. I would be pissed off too. Of course you can ask people not to wear a colour-if they don't want to do that, they don't have to come. She did it intentionally to piss you off.

LadyFannyButton · 21/08/2021 18:53

@SunshineCake they were ushers then. Their role is to direct people to sit either bride or grooms side and to give out order of service.

OP I do get that it was important to you, maybe DH shouldn’t have shown a photo of the suits tbh but, I imagine if you hadn’t said ‘don’t wear navy’, SIL would have picked any other colour. Don’t let it ruin what was a lovely day. Congratulations on your wedding Flowers

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 18:56

There’s no problem, it’s not going to be mentioned to anyone now, or in the future, and it hasn’t spoiled the memory of the day. It was just a discussion DH were having after looking at the photos. Confused

SIL wasn’t the only one ‘left out’ - the rest of both mine and DH’s siblings weren’t included either - just for those who have mentioned that she may have been upset.

OP posts:
TweedePrik · 21/08/2021 18:56

So you're annoyed your husband's sister and son look like they are part of the wedding party? When only 24 people came? Why? Do you hate her or something? I can't see the remotest problem here.

Elkey · 21/08/2021 18:58

I think she did it on purpose and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Without a back story, it doesn't seem malicious. Probably wanted to match your theme, which is quite nice, and probably not even be bothered about not being in the bridal party.

Don't be so exclusive. With such a small, intimate wedding, who was mistaking her for part of the bridal party, and what harm did it cause?

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 21/08/2021 18:59

My son’s school uniform is navy and no crest so we’d already have a navy coloured outfit. Could this be the case with your nephew?

I think it’s a shame that you’re obsessing about the wedding photos as surely it would be more unfortunate if she’d chosen to wear something outlandish and clashing? Presumably her navy and white dress was smart and blended in well?

BungleandGeorge · 21/08/2021 19:00

@ancientgran
Me too, I’ve never been told what colour to wear/ not wear.
It’s really unreasonable to say no navy suits, that’s the most common colour people would have! Or a navy blazer. A lot of people wouldn’t wear black to a wedding, so that leaves what? Everyone having to buy a brand new beige suit to wear once?
You invite people to a wedding because you want their company, it’s polite to look reasonably smart but really rude to dictate specific requirements

VexedofVirginiaWater · 21/08/2021 19:00

@LadyFannyButton
SunshineCake they were ushers then. Their role is to direct people to sit either bride or grooms side and to give out order of service.

When I was a teenager my brother was asked to be an usher - I told him he had to stand at the back of the church and tell people to 'ush Grin

ThorsLeftNut · 21/08/2021 19:01

You can’t tell people what they’re not allowed to wear 😂

Lifeisaminestrone · 21/08/2021 19:03

I can never understand why bride and groom think it’s their day. It’s a very self-centred mentality.

While weddings should be about the bride and groom getting married, equally important is the hospitable treatment of guests.

I’ve been to a few weddings just before covid, where the bride has ‘made it her day’ to the expense of her periphery guests - it’s boring - particularly if has costed you a small fortune to attend.

One of the best weddings I went to was in a village hall - lots of drink, food and entertainment for everyone!

FartleBarfle · 21/08/2021 19:04

God are people really this controlling?! I can't imagine trying to dictate what people wear. I really can't imagine why anyone would care less, it's like you're looking for something to be upset about. I was way more focused on getting married and enjoying a beautiful day!

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