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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
RiverSkater · 23/08/2021 11:43

She probably did do it part intentionally but the wedding party issue in the photos, was that such a big deal?

She's still family and would be in family photos!

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 11:47

*She probably did do it part intentionally but the wedding party issue in the photos, was that such a big deal?

She's still family and would be in family photos!*

I suppose whether it's a big deal is up to the B&G.

Not her. She didn't care about their feelings. More about her own.

RampantIvy · 23/08/2021 11:53

@sunglassesonthetable

Well we'll have to disagree on that *@RampantIvy* . Sounds very controlling to me, purposefully going against the request of the Bride and Groom.
IMO it is controlling to tell guests what to wear.
Boredmotherofone · 23/08/2021 11:58

@Lalliella

Non-issue. It’s controlling of you to tell people what not to wear. At my wedding my bridesmaids wore pink as did a lot of the female guests, through choice. I loved how good they all looked on the photos. I didn’t care who was in the “bridal party” and who wasn’t, and neither did anyone else.
Would you call it 'controlling' of the Bride to ask guests not to wear white???? That seems an acceptable norm so why not Navy? Or is that different? If so, how?
seeingdouble2 · 23/08/2021 11:59

It's done now, nothing can be done about it sadly, try to remember all the positives of the day and they will overshine this fuck up from SIL.

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 12:02

Yep @RampantIvy and I suppose any dress code is. And why people say it's the Bride's day etc.

But nasty to so purposefully go against it to make some sort of point. I don't know many people that would do that.

I suppose she felt good about it.

GreyhoundG1rl · 23/08/2021 12:06

@sunglassesonthetable

Well we'll have to disagree on that *@RampantIvy* . Sounds very controlling to me, purposefully going against the request of the Bride and Groom.
More a refusal to be controlled... Grin. Who issued the edict?
sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 12:09

More a refusal to be controlled... . Who issued the edict?

Err Bride and Groom 🤷‍♀️

sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 12:11

More a refusal to be controlled... . Who issued the edict

😁

LaBellina · 23/08/2021 12:14

YANBU I think she did it on purpose and it’s a really petty thing to do so I understand why you’re annoyed. Your day is not the moment to make a statement of some sort.

I do agree that it’s weird and rude to dictate what colours guests can and can’t wear to a wedding. It goes without saying that white is off limits but we have been to a wedding where it was demanded that all guests wore something pink (including the men) and we were asked to wear red and white for another wedding. I think it’s very entitled to make these kind of demands of people who do the effort to spend time and money to celebrate with you.

lifeinlimbo2020 · 23/08/2021 12:16

@Alternista

Get the photos retouched and make her dress orange Grin

It IS weird, but honestly, it will only bother you as much as you let it. I’d put it behind you, think of her as slightly better dd, and move on.

Oh and congratulations!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
GreyhoundG1rl · 23/08/2021 12:39

@sunglassesonthetable

More a refusal to be controlled... . Who issued the edict?

Err Bride and Groom 🤷‍♀️

Err that was kind of my bloody point... Duh 😂
sunglassesonthetable · 23/08/2021 12:58

Err that was kind of my bloody point... Duh 😂

And mine @GreyhoundG1rl 😉😁

It's their day and they issued the invites.Do it with good grace or not at all.

She showed em didn't she.

RampantIvy · 23/08/2021 12:58

More a refusal to be controlled... grin. Who issued the edict?

Exactly @GreyhoundG1rl Grin

Marriedatfirstyear · 23/08/2021 13:20

I had also had navy for bridesmaids and told people this as I personally wouldn't want to look like a bridesmaid if not part of the bridal party. My mum bought a few dresses to select from and she chose the navy. It only registered after the wedding as we had a great time regardless, which sounds like you did too. She probably did it on purpose but don't let hindsight spoil your great memories.

Marriedatfirstyear · 23/08/2021 13:34

Funny how some are trying to tell OP who should have been in her bridal party and who gets what title whilst accusing her of being controlling Gin.

CCC11 · 23/08/2021 13:57

Gosh I didn't think about this when my husband was one of the groomsmen at his best friend's wedding which was navy I thought it would look nice for us to be colour coordinated so I wore a navy dress! I hope the bride didn't mind even though her bridesmaids wore maroon!

THEDEACON · 23/08/2021 14:54

Of course it was deliberate YANBU

Backwaterjunction · 23/08/2021 20:19

Boring first world problems

MakeMathsFun · 23/08/2021 23:05

Its lovely that she tried to match the rest of the wedding. She probably felt slighted when you told her not to wear navy. She can wear whatever she likes, so thank her kindly for it. Then forget about it.

Starseeking · 23/08/2021 23:16

In a wedding "party" of 24 people your SIL was excluded, and you're miffed she wanted to feel part of her own brother's wedding alongside her DS, his nephew. YABVVU.

Emilizz34 · 23/08/2021 23:17

I just don’t get this thing of dictating what guests wear .
It would be rude for a guest to arrive wearing a bridal gown but otherwise anything goes .
I once received an invitation saying “ no Coast dresses “ !!!

Mushtullo · 24/08/2021 00:24

@Emilizz34

I just don’t get this thing of dictating what guests wear . It would be rude for a guest to arrive wearing a bridal gown but otherwise anything goes . I once received an invitation saying “ no Coast dresses “ !!!
Did you ever find out the logic behind it? Grin
Plumtree391 · 24/08/2021 00:26

I imagine she thought she and nephew were part of the bridal party, especially as there were only 24 in total.

Darthwader · 24/08/2021 00:47

Did you really ask people not to wear navy? 😂😂😂 You're a geg!

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