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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2021 18:13

I dare say it was intentional given you’d made the point of telling her what colour she couldn’t wear (really?! 😬) but who the fuck really cares?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 18:13

@GoodVibesHere

It's awful to tell people what colour they can or can't wear!
It really is. How utterly bizarre. Why did you think this was an acceptable thing to do?
Nokitchenmary · 21/08/2021 18:13

I have 2 dresses I wear to weddings, both are navy because it suits me. I wouldn't buy a new one just because. And I wouldn't buy my children new dresses/ suits if they still fitted their current ones.

rainbowlou · 21/08/2021 18:14

I can’t imagine many 13 year olds have lots of different coloured suits.
Or many parents of 13 year olds would want to buy him a new suit just for one day.

MrsRobbieHart · 21/08/2021 18:14

And what was the outcome OP? What happened? Did the bridesmaid’s dress melt? Or did it literally not matter at all?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 18:15

@rainbowlou

I can’t imagine many 13 year olds have lots of different coloured suits. Or many parents of 13 year olds would want to buy him a new suit just for one day.
Especially when climate control and waste is a huge message at the moment.
Twillow · 21/08/2021 18:15

I wouldn't dream of telling people what not to wear! It's possible they were the only suitable wedding type outfits she had, but even if she bought them especially she might well have thought 'what a stupid bloody request'.
Ignore it in either case. You really don't want to start your married life together with a family feud.

ChiefInspectorParker · 21/08/2021 18:16

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Twinstudy · 21/08/2021 18:16

I really can't imagine telling people what colour they can wear, is this a thing? When I got married a friend of mine wore a bridesmaid dress she'd had for a wedding a few weeks before and wanted to wear again. She did ask me before, I didn't care, she looked gorgeous. Another friends daughter wore a bridesmaid dress, I didn't have any young bridesmaids so she became an honorary one on the day. She looked very cute.

MiddlesexGirl · 21/08/2021 18:17

Yep. It was intentional. Is she always that spiteful?

pleasekeeptotheright · 21/08/2021 18:18

She probably thought you were a CF for telling her what she can and can't wear and so just wore what she wanted to anyway. Can't blame her

Sexnotgender · 21/08/2021 18:18

She probably did do it on purpose but please don’t let it ruin your day.

At least you now know what she’s like.

MiddlesexGirl · 21/08/2021 18:19

Most 13 years olds that I know don't have a suit so they do have to go and buy one for an event such as a wedding.

girlmom21 · 21/08/2021 18:19

Maybe her DS already had that suit and it was the only dress she felt comfortable in. Maybe it was completely intentional.

But considering that the options for a suit are really grey or blue, you shouldn't be massively surprised.

You also shouldn't dictate who wears what.

LadyLolaRuben · 21/08/2021 18:19

Sounds like tit for tat

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 18:20

Ok, I appreciate all the comments. It was DH that expressed his annoyance to be honest, and I kind of agree with him - mainly because we paid extra to accommodate her meal requests (didn’t like the set menu that everyone else had).

It’s not something I’m obsessing over or focusing on, just currently discussing with DH after seeing previews of the photographs. I’ve been to several weddings where guests have been asked to avoid wearing the colours of the bridal party, so didn’t think it was an unusual request.

As for her being annoyed about not being a bridesmaid, it was our choice to limit the bridal party to just a maid of honour and best man, as otherwise, the bridal party would have made up 50% of the whole wedding. DH’s other sister and brother, and my brother weren’t bothered about not being included.

OP posts:
Schoolchoicesucks · 21/08/2021 18:20

@rainbowlou

I can’t imagine many 13 year olds have lots of different coloured suits. Or many parents of 13 year olds would want to buy him a new suit just for one day.
Exactly this.

Maybe it was intentional, or maybe he already owned it, or there was limited choice in his size.

Maybe she already owned her dress, or planned to wear something else but on the day felt happier with the navy.

Surely you had some photos with "just" the wedding party that didn't include them? Was it really a big deal in the group shots that their outfits co-ordinated?

Bagelsandbrie · 21/08/2021 18:21

Was there a reason you didn’t want her to be part of the inner bridal party? I really don’t see how this matters. I think you were rude to specify what colours people could wear.

Lalliella · 21/08/2021 18:21

Non-issue. It’s controlling of you to tell people what not to wear. At my wedding my bridesmaids wore pink as did a lot of the female guests, through choice. I loved how good they all looked on the photos. I didn’t care who was in the “bridal party” and who wasn’t, and neither did anyone else.

MrsRobbieHart · 21/08/2021 18:24

Ok, I appreciate all the comments. It was DH that expressed his annoyance to be honest, and I kind of agree with him - mainly because we paid extra to accommodate her meal requests (didn’t like the set menu that everyone else had).

Does it help you to be annoyed by these things? Knowing that your annoyance doesn’t impact your SIL at all- it’s just impacts you? Or would your brain be a happier place if you decided not to care?

MiddlesexGirl · 21/08/2021 18:24

IME it isn't unusual to ask close relatives to keep away from the bridal party colour. At our wedding we told parents/siblings what colours we were going to be so they could make sure there was no clash and they all chose coordinating colours rather than the bridal party colour. But then we have a sensible family it seems.

Toodlydoo · 21/08/2021 18:24

I can’t imagine telling anyone else what to wear but at the same time I wouldn’t intentionally ignore them if someone asked me to not do something but I would roll my eyes a lot.

You are all unreasonable.

doodleygirl · 21/08/2021 18:25

Seriously, focus on your lovely day, this is just so petty.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 18:27

I’ve been to several weddings where guests have been asked to avoid wearing the colours of the bridal party, so didn’t think it was an unusual request.

Really? I've been to more weddings than I can remember and have never once been told what or what not to wear.

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/08/2021 18:30

YANBU if your DH is annoyed - presumably he knows his own sister and her intentions best.
Even if she thought you were being ‘controlling’ - so what? She shouldn’t have done this

Also I don’t think telling people to avoid one colour is controlling for a small wedding….o

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