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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:26

@SoundBar

Very confused why you wanted to exclude SIL and DN OP Confused

Really weird. You're marrying into the family. Just.. weird

They weren’t excluded - just as our other siblings weren’t excluded. We chose to only have a maid of honour and a best man
OP posts:
Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:29

@ShingleBeach

What really is ‘the bridal party’?

They don’t have any legal or formal function (except best man or MOH to hand the rings maybe) and have a few specific photos.

Silly nonsense.

This is what we had, with the additional of our children as flower girl and page boy
OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/08/2021 19:31

Why maid of honour, and not just one bridesmaid? I'm not up to date with wedding etiquette, but don't you only have a maid of honour when there are other bridesmaids?

My sister was my bridesmaid, not maid of honour.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:34

@RampantIvy

Why maid of honour, and not just one bridesmaid? I'm not up to date with wedding etiquette, but don't you only have a maid of honour when there are other bridesmaids?

My sister was my bridesmaid, not maid of honour.

I thought that maid of honour was the equivalent of best man? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of the best man being referred to as a groomsman, which is what the male equivalent of a bridesmaid is in my opinion.
OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 21/08/2021 19:34

Never been to a wedding whereby I was asked not to wear a certain colour however your sil definitely did it on purpose.

Something my ex sil would do!

Is your sil jealous of you ? Is she married?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/08/2021 19:35

I've never been told what colours I can't wear.

lokomojo · 21/08/2021 19:36

It's probably a good idea inviting only people you like to your parties, and then you won't mind what they wear as you will be happy to see them, wrong colours, dated hats, ugly shoes an all.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 21/08/2021 19:38

The last 18 months have taught me that life is too short to get wound up over things like that.
She’s possibly forgotten what you’ve said or thought that as long as it’s with white it won’t make a difference. You can be annoyed by it, and in that case you will prob spend the next 50 years annoyed, or you can just move on from it.
Congrats on the wedding

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 21/08/2021 19:40

Op you are not wrong to be slightly annoyed by this. I have been to several weddings and been asked not to wear certain colours.
I've also been to one wedding that everyone was asked to wear black ( so the bride stood out) 🙄

toopoliticallycorrect · 21/08/2021 19:40

It's annoying but I wouldn't worry about it. Give it a few years and your wedding photos will be at the bottom of a box in the loft 😜

purplecorkheart · 21/08/2021 19:41

Yes she probably did to get a reaction from you or from your dh on your behalf. Take the higher ground do not co,mment or mention it to her or to anyone who would quote you to her. Say nothing and ask your DH to do the same.

MaMelon · 21/08/2021 19:43

@LincolnshireYellowBelly

The last 18 months have taught me that life is too short to get wound up over things like that. She’s possibly forgotten what you’ve said or thought that as long as it’s with white it won’t make a difference. You can be annoyed by it, and in that case you will prob spend the next 50 years annoyed, or you can just move on from it. Congrats on the wedding
Hear hear.
cookiemonster5 · 21/08/2021 19:43

Unless you are paying for the guests outfits you cannot dictate what they wear.

MrsClatterbuck · 21/08/2021 19:44

I know someone who was invited to a wedding which was black tie and the women had to wear black evening wear. Now that would be a pita.

FlemishHorse · 21/08/2021 19:44

I think, traditionally, the bride’s attendants were bridesmaids if unmarried and maids of honour if married.

lljkk · 21/08/2021 19:46

I doubt anyone else 30 or 300 yrs from now will look at the pictures and presume from colours worn who was or wasn't in the bridal party.

And so what if they did wonder such a thing & guessed wrong?

Is SIL his sister, does your DH have a long standing bad relationship with her & does he look for further reasons to dislike her? my adult kids would so totally do this

i pity you if you've only just discovered the internal family feud.

Dullardmullard · 21/08/2021 19:46

I’d be annoyed to and it’s bloody rude to go sod the bride I’ll wear what I damn well like after being asked not to.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/08/2021 19:47

She might have misunderstood and thought you wanted them to wear navy. It’s not something I’d worry about anyway.

Bluntness100 · 21/08/2021 19:48

Oh gosh, it’s not you, it’s your husband, why not have a word with him about his weird behaviour. You’re on line telling sixteen million people it’s all him, so why not?

m0therofdragons · 21/08/2021 19:51

How embarrassing that you did that Blush you can’t dictate clothing to your wedding! Grin

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:52

@Bluntness100

Oh gosh, it’s not you, it’s your husband, why not have a word with him about his weird behaviour. You’re on line telling sixteen million people it’s all him, so why not?
I didn’t say it was all him Confused I said he expressed an annoyance when we were looking at photos, I kind of agreed with him.

I’ve also since said that we’ve accepted that we are being unreasonable

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 19:55

Who gives a toss that someone might assume she's part of the wedding party? What difference could that possibly make to you?

category12 · 21/08/2021 19:57

I think people get too caught up in having a "perfect" day, the details and pretty pictures - what matters is the marriage and having a bloody good time at the celebration.

You don't want to remember it resentfully because the party favours didn't arrive in time or the cake sank, or it rained, or aunt Ethel wore a veil, but be able to laugh about it and know those petty things didn't matter.

Bluntness100 · 21/08/2021 19:57

Well op you have your answer, what more do you both need?

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 19:58

I didn’t say it was all him confused I said he expressed an annoyance when we were looking at photos, I kind of agreed with him.
Well, of course you did; you'd already banned your guests from wearing navy 😂
Kind of agreed with him... 🤦‍♀️

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