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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 21/08/2021 18:30

I wouldn't even give this head space.

Alternista · 21/08/2021 18:31

Get the photos retouched and make her dress orange Grin

It IS weird, but honestly, it will only bother you as much as you let it. I’d put it behind you, think of her as slightly better dd, and move on.

Oh and congratulations!

Alternista · 21/08/2021 18:31

Slightly odd

rwalker · 21/08/2021 18:32

Can't be arsed with precious shit like this around weddings TBH I would of had that much blue on I'd look like a fucking smurf.

armanted · 21/08/2021 18:33

I think it's a shame that weddings get bogged down by this sort of stuff. It just doesn't matter.

NeonJellyBaby · 21/08/2021 18:33

I think you were really bloody rude and entitled to tell people what colours they could and couldn’t wear. Ive been to lots of weddings and have never been told that!

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 21/08/2021 18:34

In forty years I've never been told what to wear to a wedding in order that I 'keep away from the bridal party colour', thank fuck.

She was probably a bit pissed off that the bridal party, already a significant proportion of the total guests, included your sister but didn't include your husband's. I can understand that. She shouldn't have done it, but it's a curious thing to be so annoyed about.

Her son's suit is a complete non-issue. Suits are always one of three, maybe four colours unless you're Christopher Biggins.

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/08/2021 18:34

I agree with almost everyone ; it's a silly thing to waste head space on. Congratulations

Glampsite · 21/08/2021 18:35

Is this a thing? Haven't been to a wedding in a while but I thought the rule was don't wear white. Or black (in the UK at least).

Or perhaps wear in a fancy floor length bridesmaid type dress (when not a bridesmaid) judging by another recent thread.

So many rules I don't know about Confused

grapewine · 21/08/2021 18:35

You're just annoyed at her in general, it seems. Stop giving her headspace.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 21/08/2021 18:36

I genuinely don't understand why so many people go out of their way to make sure that everyone knows who is NOT in the bridal party. Why do you care?

Why does it matter if aunty Maureen might think that your BIL is in the bridal party because he has a matching blue tie on? What possible impact will it have on your day, or on your wellbeing?

It's a weird, controlling exclusionary mindset.

Blindstupid · 21/08/2021 18:36

sunshine … sound like they were ushers

OP - I’ve never heard of a bride and groom dictating to guests what they can and can’t wear Confused …. Seriously, get over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

MiaRoma · 21/08/2021 18:36

You're not obsessing or focusing!??

🤣🤣🤣🤣

OldMamaOf3 · 21/08/2021 18:37

Put it in the fuckit bucket and move on.... if she hadn't of turned up you would have been out of pocket due to their meals not being eaten.
She came, she wore blue, you all had a good time and everyone went home.
The End.

Georgyporky · 21/08/2021 18:37

Never heard of this.
I think the only rule for an English wedding is not to wear white - anything else is just silly.

grapewine · 21/08/2021 18:38

And yes, why is it such a big deal if people thought they were in the bridal party? They're your husband's family? Do they just not get on or something?

StCharlotte · 21/08/2021 18:38

Congratulations OP Smile

DH has one suit. It's navy. It's a pretty common colour for suits at the moment. The dress I will be wearing to two weddings this week is navy and white. I bought it months ago. It was expensive. I'm sorry, I would not be wearing something else.

Assuming your SIL didn't follow you up the aisle carrying a bunch of flowers I really don't see the problem.

Please don't let it be one of your lasting memories of the day.

Wombat64 · 21/08/2021 18:38

I think it's more glaring when one of the groomsmen is in some random suit. At least they co-ordinated.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 21/08/2021 18:39

With 24 people, I'd've thought pretty much everyone was the bridal party, actually.

illuyankas · 21/08/2021 18:40

I really don't see the problem. Why is it wrong to look like a part of bridal party? And I really don't think people care much. You know they weren't the part, all the guest knows they weren't the part.
Maybe they wanted to be a part.

MrsRobbieHart · 21/08/2021 18:41

@armanted

I think it's a shame that weddings get bogged down by this sort of stuff. It just doesn't matter.
Agreed.

There’s something strange about weddings that turns everyone into obsessive control freaks.

OldMamaOf3 · 21/08/2021 18:42

@rwalker

Can't be arsed with precious shit like this around weddings TBH I would of had that much blue on I'd look like a fucking smurf.
🤭🤣🤣🤣
Theunamedcat · 21/08/2021 18:43

On my wedding day I had my daughter and her two cousins as bridesmaids her other cousin who was about 3 at the time was dressed in an identical dress to the bridesmaids turns out my aunt thought it would be nice for me to have another bridesmaid and whipped up an extra dress Hmm without speaking to me or the groom about it ive got to admit I was a bit peeved especially as I then felt I couldn't give the girls their gifts as I only had three gifts and four bridesmaids

MagpieCastle · 21/08/2021 18:44

@Guavaf1sh

Life is short. No point getting upset over something like this
Totally agree, Guavaf1sh. This applies to so many situations. Op, grab the joy in each moment and let 90% of perceived slights float on by. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to your feelings. Just don’t allow a lovely memory to be overshadowed.
Bananarama21 · 21/08/2021 18:45

Tbh it was abit shitty including your sister and not your dhs sister would have been nice to have included with both sides in the wedding party. I was excluded and the only family not in the wedding party at my one of dbros I wore purple even though it was their wedding colours simply because I was heavily pregnant to the point I was due within 2 weeks of wedding and it was the only outfit that fitted me in August, I don't think anyone battered an eyelid tbh they were lucky I attended as it was 3 hours away from home.

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