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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Plumtree391 · 21/08/2021 19:04

Why were your sister in law and nephew not part of the bridal party? I am assuming she assumed they were which is why they dressed in navy.

TurquoiseDragon · 21/08/2021 19:05

@pleasekeeptotheright

Another that has been to loads of weddings and never been told not to wear a particular colour. Navy as well, one of the most popular colours there is!
Same here. In fact, I have a wedding invite for next year and the chosen colour is navy. But I generally wear blues and greens, includiing navy, a lot, and the only proper dress I have currently is navy. I guarantee I won't be mistaken as one of the bridal party Grin
Whyemseeaye · 21/08/2021 19:05

It’s a bit annoying, but only because you’d specified your preferences. In general terms I don’t think it’s a big deal.

I had a “friend” turn up to our wedding in a white dress 🙄 I complimented her choice and then ensured she wasn’t in any of the pictures 😂

Lockdownbear · 21/08/2021 19:05

There is probably a limited choice of suit colours for a 13 year old boy.
Silver grey and Navy is probably about it.

I'd just be impressed that the 13yo was in a suit and dressed for the occasion.

icedcoffees · 21/08/2021 19:06

If people only own navy suits, you're basically saying they have to shell out on a brand new outfit just to attend your wedding! That is cheeky fuckery.

JollyAndBright · 21/08/2021 19:06

A few years ago my friend had the same issue.

She also had a batshit SIL (although she is her brothers wife)
Everyone was told not to wear a certain colour, SIL and her dcs rocked up in the exact same dress as the MOH and bridesmaid, she claimed it was a complete mistake. Hmm

The photographer was more than happy to edit all of the ‘main’ photos to make their dresses look like a different colour. Grin

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 21/08/2021 19:07

@saturdaynightgin

No, I’m really not obsessing or focusing on it. DH expressed his annoyance as it looks a bit odd on the group photo, and I posted on here to see if we were being unreasonable.

Clearly we are, as asking guests not to wear the same colour as the bridal party isn’t as common as we thought… like I said, we’ve been to several weddings and this has been asked at each one 🤷🏼‍♀️

It looks odd in a group photo that a few people in a very small wedding wore the same colour as the groom? When that colour was navy?!

Be honest OP, it's bollocks. He's annoyed, but the photos really aren't going to look 'odd' because some guests wore navy. All suits are pretty similar in colour/style regardless.

Starjammer · 21/08/2021 19:08

I never understand why people get so worked up about what people to their wedding. At our wedding, my husband wasn't able to have his mum or his dad there as they are both dead. That's the stuff that matters. I couldn't give a shiny shit if one of our guests had turned up wearing a sombrero - we cared about the people we loved sharing our day with us in whatever they felt comfortable and happy in.

GoWalkabout · 21/08/2021 19:09

Don't worry about the battering on here it is AIBU. Yes its an annoying thing to do and other people will have noticed and thought less of her for it. I hope you love your photos.

RampantIvy · 21/08/2021 19:11

I don't think she was being spiteful. Navy is a colour that particularly suits me, and I would have probably worn a navy jacket with my blue and white dress because I already own one. Not to spite the bride but because I wouldn't buy a new jacket to wear just once.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/08/2021 19:11

mainly because we paid extra to accommodate her meal requests

Surely that’s just part of being a good host, I’d not serve someone a meal they didn’t like either.

MaMelon · 21/08/2021 19:12

Good for your SIL - absolutely ridiculous to dictate to guests what colours they can and can’t wear.

Presumably you all had a great day and no-one else gave a fig what colour your SIL and 13 year old wore because they were too busy focusing on the important things.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 21/08/2021 19:13

' . . . other people will have noticed and thought less of her for it.'

Doesn't seem like it.

FartleBarfle · 21/08/2021 19:14

@Starjammer

That made me LOL. I totally agree, we were so grateful to everyone that came to ours and we had a "dress in whatever you feel comfortable in" code. Some worse suits, my sister wore a white dress and she looked amazing (funny enough no one thought she was the bride!), A couple of guys wore Panama hats and my husband's best friend wore a purple shirt, orange glasses and vans. Even out bridesmaids chose their dress and we brought them together with accessories and flowers. Everyone felt happy and confident and I love looking at the photos and remembering the day even if it wasn't perfectly colour coordinated. It's just nice to have the people you love there ❤️

I do wish someone had worn a sombrero 😂

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:16

I’ve showed DH the replies. We accept that we are being unreasonable - but we didn’t think it was odd or rude to ask guests not to wear the colours of the bridal party as that’s all we’ve experienced being guests ourselves.

Thank you for the head wobble Smile

OP posts:
Starjammer · 21/08/2021 19:17

@FartleBarfle That sounds lovely! My wee gran was so anxious about what to wear, bless her, and fretting. She's 90 and hasn't worn anything 'formal' in a while, and I told her to just wear a top and trousers and enjoy her day! Wouldn't ever want anyone worrying about what to wear for something like that when we just want to see them and spend time with them. It was a lovely, chilled day!

Once of our favourite pics from the day is my gran holding baby DD, and DD is missing a shoe Grin

RampantIvy · 21/08/2021 19:17

' . . . other people will have noticed and thought less of her for it.'

I doubt it. I have never been to a wedding where the bride has requested a colour scheme or to avoid a certain colour. There is no way that I would comply with such requests, not because I am spiteful, but because I will not wear a colour that doesn't suit me.

frogsbreath · 21/08/2021 19:18

She bought the exact same suits and had already agreed not to wear navy?

Nah, I'd be annoyed too at the behind your back plan and lying to your face.

SoundBar · 21/08/2021 19:19

Very confused why you wanted to exclude SIL and DN OP Confused

Really weird. You're marrying into the family. Just.. weird

Dazzylazzy · 21/08/2021 19:19

How can you tell people what to wear! My brain bridesmaids wore navy as did my SIL but I couldn’t care less. Plus she’s family now too.

category12 · 21/08/2021 19:20

As for her being annoyed about not being a bridesmaid, it was our choice to limit the bridal party to just a maid of honour and best man, as otherwise, the bridal party would have made up 50% of the whole wedding.

And the problem with that is what? Confused

SunshineCake · 21/08/2021 19:21

@Blindstupid

sunshine … sound like they were ushers

OP - I’ve never heard of a bride and groom dictating to guests what they can and can’t wear Confused …. Seriously, get over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know Confused. Not officially but very welcome all the same. FTHOU - their choice, not our request.
SunshineCake · 21/08/2021 19:23

[quote LadyFannyButton]@SunshineCake they were ushers then. Their role is to direct people to sit either bride or grooms side and to give out order of service.

OP I do get that it was important to you, maybe DH shouldn’t have shown a photo of the suits tbh but, I imagine if you hadn’t said ‘don’t wear navy’, SIL would have picked any other colour. Don’t let it ruin what was a lovely day. Congratulations on your wedding Flowers[/quote]
I know Confused. Again, we didn't ask them to be, they decided to dress as they did and take on that role as we hadn't organised anyone to do it. It was not a problem

ShingleBeach · 21/08/2021 19:25

What really is ‘the bridal party’?

They don’t have any legal or formal function (except best man or MOH to hand the rings maybe) and have a few specific photos.

Silly nonsense.

Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:25

@category12

As for her being annoyed about not being a bridesmaid, it was our choice to limit the bridal party to just a maid of honour and best man, as otherwise, the bridal party would have made up 50% of the whole wedding.

And the problem with that is what? Confused

Cost to be honest - we couldn’t afford to buy 4 bridesmaids dresses and 5 suits, so we had a maid of honour and a best man. I didn’t think it was that unusual?
OP posts:
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