To think that 'middle class' parents get away with murder

[catfunk]

I grew up in a beautiful but modest part of the north with a fair amount of poverty and unemployment. Lots of families were under social services' care (?) police called out a lot, etc.

I now live in a fairly expensive city in the south, a fairly left wing liberal place where people party, lots of mums are 'trendy' types and generational wealth is quite common.

It struck me the other day that if the parents in my home town behaved like the parents in my current home there'd be real repercussions.
Noisy house parties whilst kids are in bed upstairs, parents getting drunk and staying out all night, recreational drug taking and being too hungover to do the school run. But it's ok because they're drinking champagne and expensive gin instead of tenants, and expensive cannabis tinctures instead of smoking resin?

None of the kids seem unhappy or affected and they do have lovely family times together of course but AIBU To think this is not fair ?

I'm solidly middle class, country living person. I don't recognise that sort of behaviour at all. Maybe you're unfortunately just surrounded by arseholes? Get better friends, would be my top tip.

The difference is poverty vs avaliable money.

If you have the funds to party and provide all essentials for the children then that's one tick for the parents.

If you party and can't afford the essentials because you live in poverty then that's one tick for social services.

I wouldn’t say it’s not fair- rather that neither set of parents should be behaving this way.

You should not both drink to excess while your Dc are at home with you (what if you needed to drive them to hospital?) and you should never take illegal drugs (at all in my view) when your DC are at home.

Any parent, whatever their class, should be investigated by SS if doing so.

I thin neglect of children and outsourcing parenting to phones and tablets is a growing issue too...

I think you're absolutely right. It's one of the reasons why the abuse in my childhood was never, ever acknowledged, let alone addressed. Even when I literally cried out for fucking help.

I agree.

But the PP is right, parents taking drugs and not feeding the kids V parents taking drugs and kids are well fed.

I think the key point is the last one you made ‘ none of the kids seem unhappy or affected’
Presumably in your previous experience, something triggered Social Services or Police involvement.
Plus of course, you don’t know the whole stories in either case, and to be honest it seems as if you have a chip on your shoulder.
In no way am I condoning drug taking etc btw, but I doubt it’s as bad as you suggest.

@mbosnz

I think you're absolutely right. It's one of the reasons why the abuse in my childhood was never, ever acknowledged, let alone addressed. Even when I literally cried out for fucking help.

I'm so sorry @mbosnz 💐

Yes, I really see with two friends of mine, one friends child behaviour isn’t great, swearing, and unkind behaviour. He’s looked on with affection and aww she’ll grow out of it, she’s only going type comments. And the other mutual friend who has almost been pushed out the group now, she’s a single parent. Her child is whose behaviour isn’t as difficult is seen as a toe rag.
They are both nice mums, parent similar but are judged very differently.

I'm middle class and don't recognise the things you describe. Getting drunk and staying out all night? Do you mean leaving the kids at home n their own??

And why Madeleine McCanns parents got away with leaving their kids in an apartment when they were out having a meal. If that was a working class family they would have had social services come down on them like a tonne of bricks

Thank you catfunk. I'm dealing with the fall out at the moment, and that really means a lot. I mean, if you tell your teacher, the coppers, the guidance counsellor, and they're more concerned about the effect on your parents, or just outright laugh at you, what the hell can you do?

@Quickchangeartiste

I think the key point is the last one you made ‘ none of the kids seem unhappy or affected’ Presumably in your previous experience, something triggered Social Services or Police involvement. Plus of course, you don’t know the whole stories in either case, and to be honest it seems as if you have a chip on your shoulder. In no way am I condoning drug taking etc btw, but I doubt it’s as bad as you suggest.

Interested to know why you think I have a chip on my shoulder ?

And ok so you haven't seen any of this but you know it's 'not as bad as I suggest' 🥴

See also the mcanns. If they had been drinking lager at a bar on a caravan site when their daughter went missing, instead of sipping wine at a bistro in an expensive resort the press, social services etc would have hung them out to dry

@Apeirogon

I'm middle class and don't recognise the things you describe. Getting drunk and staying out all night? Do you mean leaving the kids at home n their own??

Yes I've seen it a lot either young teenagers home alone all night (parents end up crashing out on the sofa) or younger (10 ish) ones left in bed a few doors down whilst parents pop out for one and turns into a bender

I own a house in a part social housing estate and there’s no repercussions here either.

Parties, kids running about in the busy street with no parental supervision, loads of anti social behaviour, noisy motor bikes, littering, shouting, drinking and drugs. We never see the police (because quite rightly they’re off dealing with what are deemed as serious crimes or whatever the topical political issue of the day is) although the council are quite helpful but can only do so much. I won’t be critical of the police because essentially the behaviour is Neanderthal like and lacks just basic respect and manners.

I think there are selfish, shitty parents no matter what walk of life you’re in. And the behaviour gets passed down the generations. Like the idea of having a kid but not the work that goes with it.

Thankfully there are many, many, many more people who do care and are brought up with respect for their peers and environment, and their children.

I agree.

Good point re the McCanns. Doubt there would have been so much initial sympathy and press had they been knocking back white lightening at Butlins

Mmm but are the kids fed? Are they encouraged to do their homework? Do their parents read with them in the evening? Do they go to museums and national trust places at the weekend? Do they have plenty of extracurricular activities after school? Are they exposed to good quality (linguistically) conversation? Are the children given boundaries and consistency?

As you say, none of the kids seem unhappy or affected.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

I don’t recognise this in my middle class friendship group either? Are you in a place where there’s an ‘arty, hipster’ type of crowd?

Curious what part of the south you live in? I live in a commuter supposedly posh town in Kent and don't recognise the behaviours you describe

Yes wowzaa to all of the above.

So for example friends kid's teacher caught her at the gate on a Monday eve recently to ask are you ok, child says you were sick all day yesterday so dad took them out for the day. Mum says 'oh yes just drank too much on Saturday night as usual' and they all laughed.

I couldn't agree more. I was brought up in a hideous situation but my family were well off...no one helped me.

Middle class kids often looked unkempt but of course it's absolutely fine and a sign of a bohemian lifestyle rather than neglect

Yes @FreeBritnee @chopc trendy hipster area where people have money

@gettingfedupagain

See also the mcanns. If they had been drinking lager at a bar on a caravan site when their daughter went missing, instead of sipping wine at a bistro in an expensive resort the press, social services etc would have hung them out to dry

The press did hang them out to dry.

Articulate home owning people with good incomes and middle class trappings are judged differently to others, it's true.

And will continue to be true until the glorious revolution.