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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

679 replies

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:44

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

OP posts:
Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:46

Really? You can't understand why someone might feel sad?

The restrictions are shite - no dancing, no drinks reception, 6 at a table, masks on unless seated.

Nowt to do with insta and all to do with not being allowed the fun bits of a celebration

Poorlykitten · 15/06/2021 07:47

Yes, I do feel sorry for them. I had 80 at mine and would not have wanted the often agonising decision who to invite or disinvite. The whole point is to have your loved ones around you to celebrate, if you can’t have the wedding you envisioned then yes, would be upsetting.

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:48

oh and no - we've NOT been allowed to get married all through the pandemic

Venues were CLOSED for most of it

And for quite some time weddings were only permitted in exceptional circumstances.

LoonyMoony · 15/06/2021 07:48

I agree, but it is not a popular opinion.

There are workarounds, there are alternatives, there are different ways of doing things. I get that many many people struggle with changing their expectations but I think it’s naive to think we can all go about things in the way it was before. People need to adjust to the current situation.

RosieGuacamosie · 15/06/2021 07:48

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.

DaisyWaldron · 15/06/2021 07:49

I mostly agree, but people haven't been able to get married throughout the pandemic, with very, very limited exceptions, such as deathbed weddings.

DocsRock · 15/06/2021 07:49

Can't have more than 30 people at a wedding but pubs can have more than 30 people in, football and rugby stadiums... I can understand why people are upset. Smile

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:49

The thousands attending footy matches and bouncing about outside pubs is galling too...

No throwing confetti because people can't stand or mingle but hundreds can throw beer around when a goal is scored.

sandgrown · 15/06/2021 07:50

I think you can dance outside if the weather and venue allows it ?

SticksAndStoned · 15/06/2021 07:50

but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic

That's not true. A friend of mine is a celebrant, and had to get special permission to marry a couple, one of whom was dying. He didn't need permission to officiate at the funeral just weeks later though

Original poster
JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:50

If it’s about being married you can do the marriage but then have a big old knees up when the restrictions go, you don’t have to do them at the same time.

It’s disappointing yes but it’s not worthy of being on the news to complain saying you’re being prevented from moving on with your life. I can’t see what not being married is stopping you from doing unless you’re desperate to hold hands with your partner in Saudi Arabia or want to be married before TTC but if that’s the case you can still get married and do the party bit after.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 15/06/2021 07:50

I am sympathetic towards those who have had major interruptions and the stresses of replanning (whether it's wedding or anything else)

But I agree that the language used is often irritating. Except in the first few weeks of the first lockdown, it has been possible to marry.

However, those who have MH issues do need support, during illness it can become impossible to cope with everyday life, let alone changes to a major event.

SticksAndStoned · 15/06/2021 07:50

@DaisyWaldron

I mostly agree, but people haven't been able to get married throughout the pandemic, with very, very limited exceptions, such as deathbed weddings.
Crosspost
Twinkie01 · 15/06/2021 07:50

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.

^ totally agree.

Marriage is about 2 people making certain promises to each other in front of an official, the rest is just window dressing, often expensive window dressing which people think they have to have and often go into debt for.

seeyouatthecrossroads · 15/06/2021 07:51

I understand and support the restrictions.

However, how many times do people on this site tell women they should get married before other major life events like having children? I can understand why for some women, it feels like their lives are on hold until they have their wedding.

Some women - not me - will have spent years dreaming of their big day. And it is just one day. No one goes into a marriage hoping to get divorced, you hope to only do it once. And if you can only do it once, it's understandable that you want to do it a particular way as you can't then have a do-over.

I prefer smaller weddings myself, but I can still sympathise with all the couples who are upset and disappointed.

Wanttocry · 15/06/2021 07:51

@DocsRock

Can't have more than 30 people at a wedding but pubs can have more than 30 people in, football and rugby stadiums... I can understand why people are upset. Smile
The 30 person limit is being removed from 21st June.
Rosieposy89 · 15/06/2021 07:51

I can see why they're upset but it sort of feels they're losing sight of the purpose of the wedding is to get married. I would be offended if my husband wanted to delay us getting married so we could have a big party. We had a small, inexpensive wedding and it was the most magical day. The only bit that really gives me warm fuzzy feelings is when we had said our vows and were married.

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:52

a big old knees up later? You've not thought this through op

Lots of venues and wedding suppliers have closed because of the pandemic. They've made no money for it's entirety

Those that are still open are trying to fit in a huge amount of postponed weddings

There is nowhere to have a big knees up unless you want to book it for 2023 / 2024

RJnomore1 · 15/06/2021 07:54

YANBU I was at a wedding two weeks ago and without all of the shite that seems to accompany them these days and just a small number of people the couple wanted there it’s was a lovely day and the nicest wedding I have been at in years.

Weddings have got out of control recently and mostly are identikit opportunities to show off.

I wouldn’t have minded a wee dance but otherwise this was beautiful.

Cazzamoomoo · 15/06/2021 07:54

I agree.

But I would imagine that a lot of people had already booked, planned and paid for their big massive knees up in advance. So yes, I would be pissed off if I wasn't having the £20k wedding I'd paid for

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:55

not quite true

It's now social distanced. Lots of venues have banqueting tables. Rule of 6 applies so numbers go down. Even with normal tables - rule of 6 and space around means less tables so some can't even have 30

Slipperrr · 15/06/2021 07:55

After a year and a half nearly of dates moving, reopening being cancelled, it was always a gamble to book or rebook a wedding. I do feel for the businesses who are struggling with changes to ceremonies, and for those who have been waiting around for their wedding; but also don't get the drama of 'not being able to move on' etc, and there are ways to get married still. Weddings are allowed more than 30, like pubs and outdoor events if they can adhere to social distancing. Outdoor weddings fine, fancy venues probably not so much.

choli · 15/06/2021 07:55

I had 80 at mine and would not have wanted the often agonising decision who to invite or disinvite
If that is the closest to agonizing you come in your life I congratulate you.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 07:56

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil

If it’s about being married you can do the marriage but then have a big old knees up when the restrictions go, you don’t have to do them at the same time.

It’s disappointing yes but it’s not worthy of being on the news to complain saying you’re being prevented from moving on with your life. I can’t see what not being married is stopping you from doing unless you’re desperate to hold hands with your partner in Saudi Arabia or want to be married before TTC but if that’s the case you can still get married and do the party bit after.

Have you ever considered it's because they want ALL their loved ones there and not have to pick between then all?

I'm sick of nasty spiteful posts like this.

If you haven't experienced having your wedding cancelled yet then you have no idea how it feels. And yes my wedding was cancelled twice and neither time was our decision.

Frankly the poster saying I just want to be a special princess for a day can just do one. It's not that all.

I bet most of you have been lucky enough to have the wedding you wanted as well. Have some empathy

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 07:57

We did our list of 30

It would have been shite - elderly parents, siblings and their partners. A couple of friends each but not their spouses. No children. No fun

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