People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

There have been times when weddings haven’t been possible at all except in exceptional circumstances. A friend got married in one of these times as his wife to be had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and they could only have witnesses at the basic ceremony.

But there have been periods when you can get married with just limited number of guests. I saw a couple on the news last night that had planned a wedding with 140 guests. It seemed a bit silly to me to organise a wedding based on roadmap date with so many people. They can have that many now but only if social distancing is possible, so assume that might still be tricky depending on the venue.

My dd ended up with a 15 people no reception wedding last year after rearranging thinking things would improve. Her sibling couldn't go due to his local restrictions.
We stood outside afterwards, had a quick drink, no food.
Photos with masks.
No hugging to congratulate dd.
We made the best of it for dd sake.

Perhaps I'm not grateful enough and should count my blessings.
The truth is I could easily sit and cry over what we didn't get.
I feel that I missed out. My dd is happy though, at least she tells me so.

You can be annoyed all you like but until it happens to you then you have no idea how it feels.

Weddings have almost always been about celebrating. Two families and their community coming together. This isn’t something new and “insta” and to imply it is somehow shallow to want what people have had for as long as we have written records and probably before that is cruel.

But I have to say I was at a beer garden last weekend and there was absolutely no mingling between tables. It’s just not try to say that football fans are mingling, they are at 6 person tables separated by two meters from every other table. A wedding arranged like that would not be fun.

I agree with @RosieGuacamosie. I know of a few people who went ahead and got married and will hold a party when able and others who refused to get married because they couldn’t have the works. One whose wedding was abroad and was flying out her photographer, videographer, hairdresser, make up artist etc openly admitted she didn’t want a wedding without it being instagram worthy, but she’s known for being shallow.

Have you ever considered it's because they want ALL their loved ones there and not have to pick between then all?

Yes. I understand that element but it doesn't mean that you "can't get married".

I got married a week after the ban on weddings was lifted last year. We planned the whole thing in a week of my immediate family only my parents came - no siblings or grandparents. I could still get married though and DH and I are planning on a celebration with our entire family when we can.

I was upset that I couldn't have the reception I wanted but I got married. You're not upset about not being able to have a wedding - because you can do that - you're upset about not being allowed the reception you wanted. It's a very different thing.

I've just been a saddo and checked. Weddings were banned at the start of the first lockdown, but were permitted to resume in June 2020. Weddings in extremis began before that, but I can't find the date.

Totally agree OP.

No, you're right some people didn't want that, and that's fine. I don't blame them. However some of us actually couldn't get married.

We couldn't get married because our registrar cancelled the first wedding and then weddings were banned anyway. The second date was cancelled because the venue closed. Then could we get another date anywhere else? Nope. Not for love nor bloody money so we have had to re book next year. I'm glad in a way because the rules are bullshit.

I had fully paid up for my wedding due to take place in April 2020 (£13k). We did get married in a small ceremony in September (with 30 guests) but the vendors were happy to split it up and have a wedding reception this year. So now we are having a reception on the 8th July... 🤦‍♀️

We're not moving it again, and not hugely upset that it can't be the big "knees up" that we expected but it's a bit shit for £13k.

We have to have it on a weekday now, despite paying weekend prices, because by the time the venue let us postpone in April there wasn't any weekend availability.

Weddings haven't been allowed throughout, at some points they were only allowed in very exceptional circumstances.

My own wedding was postponed 3 times in the end we had a small wedding with 12 guests and a tiny reception at home. It suited us, it was a lovely day and very romantic.

However that doesn't mean I can't see why people who have planned and postponed their weddings already, are still disappointed that their day will change or be moved again.

Lots of couples have lost money, some venues have closed for good, it's hard to get new dates as everyone else is doing the same and so on.

I'm kind of on the fence with this. I do feel sorry for people who have been disappointed (often multiple times now) by the ever changing guidelines and mixed messages. I have friends who have had to postpone more than once now. The wedding industry is kind of being shafted too.

However I do think a lot of big weddings are really ott now, and having a huge day really isn't the be all and end all.

Inviting comments about weddings always brings out the miserable bastards, those who accuse couples who want a celebration with their loved ones rather than just signing a document and popping into B&Q on the way home as attention seeking princesses who are more about a wedding than their marriage.

It must be so awful to keep having your plans pushed back, to constantly rearrange your finances which inevitably wil cause stress, to constantly make sure your suppliers are free for your new date and if not potentially battle to get back deposits in amongst keeping your guests in the loop.

Weddings are a celebration and whether you want a big day or a quiet one it is completely unfair to judge a couple for wanting their wedding day to include dancing, speeches and drinks.

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil I totally agree. Sorry to all those who want the huge special wedding, worst things have happened in the last couple of years. You can get married. Unless your very religious I'm sure it's not meant your life can't move forward. Most couples are living together many have children. They have sex. Get a grip.

Yes YABU. People want to celebrate with their families and friends properly. Everyone having to stay at their tables in small groups is not really the same experience. I totally get why a lot of couples are disappointed today.

Totally agree OP, although I understand for those that have already made financial commitments and paid upfront for things have every reason to be annoyed. I think it depends what your priorities are if you want to get married or if you want a wedding. I think just like holidays abroad most people know that there is little certainty about anything right now and lots of things are subject to change. Booking a wedding and thinking it would actually go ahead is a bit risky ditto travel abroad. Did anyone actually believe that this 21st of June 'freedom day' would actually happen as planned given this governments past form for seriously effing things up. Remember 'Boris saves Christmas' right up to the last minute he was adamant people could mix as normal even though it was clear to the dogs in the streets that was a bad idea. But still you know he's a laugh good old Boris and he messed up again by failing to put India on the red list sooner but people will still not see the light.

YABU

I'd have been gutted if I'd been forced to cancel, modify or defer my wedding in any way

Gosh OP, you're all heart aren't you? .

Can you perhaps find something else to complain about ? it's no skin off your nose. You really do come across as mean spirited.

From a totally personal perspective, I agree. If you want to get married, you can get married. I have never understood the whole big white wedding thing to be honest.

But I guess these people would have forked out thousands and been excited for months. I get when you plan something with time, money and effort behind it and it doesn’t happen then it is very disappointing.

Everyone is different, with different priorities.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic

Well this sentence is entirely inaccurate. Weddings could not go ahead in any form (apart from deathbed weddings) during lockdown ie or when tier 4 was in place (ie March - July, November - April) so that means that in some area there have only been a couple of months in the last 15 that you could get married in some areas.

Ours was cancelled 3 times as a result as Registrars WERE NOT DOING WEDDINGS

We managed to squeeze a ceremony in eventually but it was just a handful of us and lasted an hour.

I tend to find those with the least empathy about weddings are people that got to have their day in the way they wanted, they got to have the excitement to the lead up instead of constantly being on edge whether it would happen at all or be cancelled last minute

The level of complete bullshit on this thread already is ridiculous. It wasn't about being a princess for a day, it was about being to actually get married and that wasn't allowed!

YABU. Marriage ceremonies and celebrations involving family/ friends and the community are a part of human civilisation across most cultures and have been a part of humanity for millenia.

If your family and friends are dispersed, a wedding is one of the few occasions that pulls people together (including funerals, and those restrictions have often been inhumane).

It's wise to be married before starting a family, so yes for many it is holding life up.

Fortunately for me, I married years ago surrounded for the only time in my life by nearly all my friends and family. I can understand the hurt that couples feel having postponement after postponement, not being able to celebrate properly with their loved ones or having to slash down the guest lists and risk offending people to keep the numbers down.

Rearranging is getting harder. There's more competition for future dates and fewer venues and suppliers to provide. The ££,£££ that couples spend on larger weddings is generally spent in the British economy amongst a multitude of small businesses. Then the costs that guests pay going towards that too. The outfits boosting High St retail. I went to a minimal basic vows only service recently and while it was lovely, I wasn't remotely tempted to treat myself to a new dress for an event that lasted 15 minutes and pulled an old one out. No reception meant I didn't spend time in the area, no drinks, no hotels, just got in my car and drove off.

I think it has made weddings far better. They’ve got completely out of hand. Back in the day they were a local celebration for family and local friends; now they’re overwrought masterpieces with idiot things like favours, massive flower arrangements, sweet trucks (WTF), and they go on and on FOREVER. They’re just exhausting - hours spent hanging around, talking to people you don’t know, have no interest in, and will never meet again, stupid shoes, a ridiculous dress…God, some parts are nausea inducing. When I think about how much money and time and brain space I spent on my wedding I could puke. The marriage certificate is the important thing. Everything else is just the window dressing.

I kind of agree and don't understand people who would prefer to delay their marriage a year in order to rebook and get a big wedding. I was kind of hoping it might make people rethink how weddings are done generally. But I appreciate it's easy for me to say that not being at that stage of my life.

If one good thing arises from the pandemic I hope it may be the reinforcement of the difference between a marriage and a wedding. A marriage is a legal contract duly registered in an official way or a legal and spiritual contract duly registered officially and bound and blessed by God (or other idol according to religion). It needs two witnesses- everything else is optional but it would be marvellous imo if the emphasis shifted from the party and all its bells and whistles to the ceremony and the promises made which should be sacrosanct.

@AuntieStella

I am sympathetic towards those who have had major interruptions and the stresses of replanning (whether it's wedding or anything else)

But I agree that the language used is often irritating. Except in the first few weeks of the first lockdown, it has been possible to marry.

However, those who have MH issues do need support, during illness it can become impossible to cope with everyday life, let alone changes to a major event.

It hasn't been possible to marry for most of the last 15 months. Registrars do not do weddings in lockdown or tier 4

YANBU if people are desperate to be married to move on to start ttc or whatever, they are able to get married.